Monday, December 22, 2008
Violet
Family therapist told about sitting with the four oldest, and talking about Zack's current issues. School came up as a huge stressor, and the therapist talked about bullying. Violet turned to Zack and asked 'Zack, are you being bullied?' Zack said no, and the therapist asked Violet the same question. She replies 'Yes, sometimes I am.' He says 'Does that make you not want to go go school? Make you feel scared?' She firmly declares 'No, it makes me want to get to school more, so that I can get even!'
Penny
Yeah, I know, I haven't posted about her much. Juggling so many balls!
She is doing better with her anger management, but today we had a bit of a fallback. This is how the back of her brother looks now.
'I told him to kick me, so he did, but he kicked to hard, and that made me so mad, so I scratched him.' I made the new house rule that you can NOT ask other people to hurt you, and that if someone asks you to hurt them, you can not do it.
Only in my house.
She is doing better with her anger management, but today we had a bit of a fallback. This is how the back of her brother looks now.
'I told him to kick me, so he did, but he kicked to hard, and that made me so mad, so I scratched him.' I made the new house rule that you can NOT ask other people to hurt you, and that if someone asks you to hurt them, you can not do it.
Only in my house.
Fucking Bitch
This morning, we needed to dig out from the storm. Early in the morning, I did some by myself, but around 10am I woke up the boys. Zack was not amused. I gave him quite some time and warning, but we got many things like 'Fucking bitch' and 'You are just like Hitler', and 'Fucking Hell'. Just lovely.
He refused very loudly to come help shovel, including locking himself in his room. I explained the consequences (no computer) and ignored him from then on. Twenty minutes later he was down, eating breakfast, and he came out when Justus and I were shoveling the driveway. Helping us shovel, even while grumbling.
Phew.
I felt that things were really bad if I couldn't get him to shovel, getting him out there was encouraging. He even helped me with the next shovel session, late afternoon. Again grumbling, but he did it, and without verbal abuse.
He refused very loudly to come help shovel, including locking himself in his room. I explained the consequences (no computer) and ignored him from then on. Twenty minutes later he was down, eating breakfast, and he came out when Justus and I were shoveling the driveway. Helping us shovel, even while grumbling.
Phew.
I felt that things were really bad if I couldn't get him to shovel, getting him out there was encouraging. He even helped me with the next shovel session, late afternoon. Again grumbling, but he did it, and without verbal abuse.
Zack School Meeting
Zack missed Thursday and Friday. Not surprising, but very discouraging.
On Friday we had meeting at school. Zack was present which helped a lot. New adjustments
Two weeks off now, so no idea how it will go. It might or it might not be enough accomodations. School for sure is willing to help, but Zack is not always willing to accept the help. Family therapist raised interesting point today 'does he know how to recognize when he needs help and how to ask for it?' Will be good thing to work on for his therapist. One thing I notice is that he considers himself smart and highly intelligent, which clearly means that everyone around him must be an idiot, so why ask help from idiots????
Interesting tidbit. Someone asked 'Zack, did you mean it when you said you were close to snapping and were going to hurt people, or did you just say it to get out of school?' Reply 'I just said it to get out of school.' At least he is honest :p
On Friday we had meeting at school. Zack was present which helped a lot. New adjustments
- He will finish English for this semester with current set up (only a week left) and then switch to English at Virtual Academy, an online high school.
- He will do phys ed at Virtual Academy too, because he totally refuses to take gym at school.
- He will do mathematics at community college, and have help at school to do his homework for that course. To compensate for late day on Monday (class is from 3pm till 6pm), he will start later.
- He will not have to write down key concepts in biology as long as he gets certain minimum grades on the tests.
Two weeks off now, so no idea how it will go. It might or it might not be enough accomodations. School for sure is willing to help, but Zack is not always willing to accept the help. Family therapist raised interesting point today 'does he know how to recognize when he needs help and how to ask for it?' Will be good thing to work on for his therapist. One thing I notice is that he considers himself smart and highly intelligent, which clearly means that everyone around him must be an idiot, so why ask help from idiots????
Interesting tidbit. Someone asked 'Zack, did you mean it when you said you were close to snapping and were going to hurt people, or did you just say it to get out of school?' Reply 'I just said it to get out of school.' At least he is honest :p
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Today, Both Are In School!
Yes, I am trying tough love to Violet, but I just cannot carry her downstairs anymore, because either she runs back up the moment i let go (and she is quite heavy to carry anyway) or she hides under her bed somewhere where I cannot get to her, or underneath some book cases, or makes it just physically impossible to reach her while she curls up and is unresponsive. After trying many times over the last few weeks / months, I have to admit that the physical option of carrying her and depositing her at the school bus does not work.
At least Violet's seems to be a temporary setback, today she got up early, was all happy, practiced her instrument, and went off to school.
Zack was up at 6am already , which makes me suspect he might not have slept at all last night, but at least he is off to school , which is improvement over anything over the last 2 weeks. Once he is there , he usually does fine.
Yesterday, Zack saw his therapist, and both she and I tried to convince him that getting his ass to school is in his best interest, even if he doesn't like it. We will do our part by trying to get accomodations for him, but he has to do his part by showing up. I am sure he is not going to like truancy officer and CINS (Child In Need of Services) petition. It would take away a lot of the options he has right now. I hope that the school attendance today is a sign that he is hearing us finally. We have a meeting set up at school for Friday 1pm to talk about the issues. And today the mental health people are talking about him in their team meeting.
And yes, I know that I am not a horrible failure, I just was feeling down with the both kids out of school, and feeling powerless to change it. Not to mention I was resenting the lack of support from their father, but it's not like he ever was supportive when he still lived here, so how could I expect otherwise?
At least Violet's seems to be a temporary setback, today she got up early, was all happy, practiced her instrument, and went off to school.
Zack was up at 6am already , which makes me suspect he might not have slept at all last night, but at least he is off to school , which is improvement over anything over the last 2 weeks. Once he is there , he usually does fine.
Yesterday, Zack saw his therapist, and both she and I tried to convince him that getting his ass to school is in his best interest, even if he doesn't like it. We will do our part by trying to get accomodations for him, but he has to do his part by showing up. I am sure he is not going to like truancy officer and CINS (Child In Need of Services) petition. It would take away a lot of the options he has right now. I hope that the school attendance today is a sign that he is hearing us finally. We have a meeting set up at school for Friday 1pm to talk about the issues. And today the mental health people are talking about him in their team meeting.
And yes, I know that I am not a horrible failure, I just was feeling down with the both kids out of school, and feeling powerless to change it. Not to mention I was resenting the lack of support from their father, but it's not like he ever was supportive when he still lived here, so how could I expect otherwise?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Feeling like a Total Failure
Gah. Today, I feel like a total failure. Both Zack and Violet are out of school. Zack was expected, Violet wasn't.
Violet was having a somewhat hard time getting out of bed, but I managed to convince her. Once she was downstairs, she ate a few bites, and then curled up in a fetal position on the floor. She did not move or budge or reply to any of my questions, urgings, anything. She would just grunt and be unresponsive.
The bus came, I told the driver things were not working today and there we are. No idea what's going on with her. I spoke to her teacher, and have some things for Violet to look forward to over the next few days.
Zack was same old. 'We are all going to hell anyway!'
My reply 'Well, then we'd better have some fun before we arrive there!'
He 'We already are in fucking hell. The world has gone to pieces.'
Me, eternal optimist 'Name three things which would show that.'
Zack 'The economy, the environment, and the political situation.'
Me 'Um...' not willing to start discussions on any of them in these circumstances.
Me 'Zack. I know you want to go to college. Your first step on the road of college is getting your high school diploma. To get your high school diploma, you need to go to school.'
Zack 'You keep fucking telling me that. You are like Hitler, telling me what is good for me. Telling me to go to the fucking goddamn school.' (Favorite Zack strategy: when in doubt, introduce Hitler or Nazis into the conversation)
- I hate school
- If I am in school, I will hurt myself.
- There is no time between classes, I can never talk to the teacher.
- The American education system is broken.
- We have too many fire drills, and we have to wait outside where it is cold.
Today, he will see his therapist. I will call his case manager and ask him to set up meeting with all Zack's mental health people.
Not sure yet what to do for Violet, let's hope it's just a one day fall back.
Violet was having a somewhat hard time getting out of bed, but I managed to convince her. Once she was downstairs, she ate a few bites, and then curled up in a fetal position on the floor. She did not move or budge or reply to any of my questions, urgings, anything. She would just grunt and be unresponsive.
The bus came, I told the driver things were not working today and there we are. No idea what's going on with her. I spoke to her teacher, and have some things for Violet to look forward to over the next few days.
Zack was same old. 'We are all going to hell anyway!'
My reply 'Well, then we'd better have some fun before we arrive there!'
He 'We already are in fucking hell. The world has gone to pieces.'
Me, eternal optimist 'Name three things which would show that.'
Zack 'The economy, the environment, and the political situation.'
Me 'Um...' not willing to start discussions on any of them in these circumstances.
Me 'Zack. I know you want to go to college. Your first step on the road of college is getting your high school diploma. To get your high school diploma, you need to go to school.'
Zack 'You keep fucking telling me that. You are like Hitler, telling me what is good for me. Telling me to go to the fucking goddamn school.' (Favorite Zack strategy: when in doubt, introduce Hitler or Nazis into the conversation)
- I hate school
- If I am in school, I will hurt myself.
- There is no time between classes, I can never talk to the teacher.
- The American education system is broken.
- We have too many fire drills, and we have to wait outside where it is cold.
Today, he will see his therapist. I will call his case manager and ask him to set up meeting with all Zack's mental health people.
Not sure yet what to do for Violet, let's hope it's just a one day fall back.
Monday, December 15, 2008
not so good
Last Thursday , Zack didn't go to school. More of the same.
Friday was snow day, thank god.
Today, not sure what's going on , but things don't sound good. He was fine during the weekend but today we are back to
- I hate school
- School is hell
- We are all going to hell anyway
- School should stop piling work on me
New:
- I am THIS close to snapping.
- If I go to school , I will hurt people, because I am so close to snapping
When I asked him how he would hurt people, he said he would punch them.
I don't know. Something is not working this year school wise, and I have to admit that I am not sure what the exact issues are. He slept most of the day, although I did get him out to help me shovel the driveway.
Talked to my parent advocate , who is worried about the downward spiral he seems to be in. He recommended meeting for all his mental health people and let them try to figure out what could be helpful. I'll organize it in my free time.
Friday was snow day, thank god.
Today, not sure what's going on , but things don't sound good. He was fine during the weekend but today we are back to
- I hate school
- School is hell
- We are all going to hell anyway
- School should stop piling work on me
New:
- I am THIS close to snapping.
- If I go to school , I will hurt people, because I am so close to snapping
When I asked him how he would hurt people, he said he would punch them.
I don't know. Something is not working this year school wise, and I have to admit that I am not sure what the exact issues are. He slept most of the day, although I did get him out to help me shovel the driveway.
Talked to my parent advocate , who is worried about the downward spiral he seems to be in. He recommended meeting for all his mental health people and let them try to figure out what could be helpful. I'll organize it in my free time.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Today
Today was same old. 'School is useless' 'I feel horrible'.
We had psychiatrist appointment in the morning. After fruitlessly trying to get him up for a while, I decided to offer him to stay home till psychiatrist and then go to school afterwards. Which kind of worked.
Yesterday, Gopher, Zack, and English teacher had a meeting. According to Gopher, it went pretty well. Of course, today when I reminded him of that meeting, he was like 'meetings don't change anything' which is not helpful. I told him that after the meeting there is only one way to see whether things changed, which is by going in and taking the classes, but he was not convinced.
Yesterday, Zack saw his counselor. We added a school piece to his treatment plan, with 'daily school attendance' as a goal, and 'finding appropriate ways to tell us about frustration / problems at school'.
Last year, he loved his English teacher. This year, he hates his English teacher. When we proposed trying to switch him to another English teacher (with similar teaching style as last year's), he said he did not want that. He wants to finish the year with his current English teacher.
We found out new info about his problems with English. One issue is that 'my binder has to be organized in a real dumb way. Chronologically! And chronologically is for history, this is English!'
Anyway, after psychiatrist, Zack went off to school and said it was 'ok'. Who knows? Oh, she increased his prozac to 40mg, we'll see what that does.
We had psychiatrist appointment in the morning. After fruitlessly trying to get him up for a while, I decided to offer him to stay home till psychiatrist and then go to school afterwards. Which kind of worked.
Yesterday, Gopher, Zack, and English teacher had a meeting. According to Gopher, it went pretty well. Of course, today when I reminded him of that meeting, he was like 'meetings don't change anything' which is not helpful. I told him that after the meeting there is only one way to see whether things changed, which is by going in and taking the classes, but he was not convinced.
Yesterday, Zack saw his counselor. We added a school piece to his treatment plan, with 'daily school attendance' as a goal, and 'finding appropriate ways to tell us about frustration / problems at school'.
Last year, he loved his English teacher. This year, he hates his English teacher. When we proposed trying to switch him to another English teacher (with similar teaching style as last year's), he said he did not want that. He wants to finish the year with his current English teacher.
We found out new info about his problems with English. One issue is that 'my binder has to be organized in a real dumb way. Chronologically! And chronologically is for history, this is English!'
Anyway, after psychiatrist, Zack went off to school and said it was 'ok'. Who knows? Oh, she increased his prozac to 40mg, we'll see what that does.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Off to School
Today, Zack did go to school, I hope things work out. He will see psychiatrist tomorrow to see whether his meds need any adjusting. It was not easy to get him out of bed, but he didn't sound as depressed as he did yesterday.
He will see his therapist today, after school. We also have family therapy, although I don't think that that has any specific impact on Zack, it will improve family dynamics in the long run.
I am feeling a tad overwhelmed still, but that might not be new.
He will see his therapist today, after school. We also have family therapy, although I don't think that that has any specific impact on Zack, it will improve family dynamics in the long run.
I am feeling a tad overwhelmed still, but that might not be new.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Zack Today
Impossible to get him out of bed. 'We are all gonna die anyway.' 'School is hell.' He sounds very depressed.
Last Thursday, he stayed out of English class. Gopher set up meeting with Zack and English teacher on Friday, but it fell through. He did go to English class on Friday.
I have spoken to Gopher and school psychiatrist, and have phone calls in to the therapy center. I wish we could figure out what was going on so we can help him. Current situation is not working.
Last Thursday, he stayed out of English class. Gopher set up meeting with Zack and English teacher on Friday, but it fell through. He did go to English class on Friday.
I have spoken to Gopher and school psychiatrist, and have phone calls in to the therapy center. I wish we could figure out what was going on so we can help him. Current situation is not working.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Yes, Should Update Blog
Too much life, not enough blogging.
The girls are doing well, will post individual updates soon. For now, documenting current Zack issues.
This week, he has been 'sick' for two days. One day I sent him to school anyway, but he called within 20 minutes that he was too sick to stay and the nurse said he could go home. Both days, he said he felt like throwing up, although it never happened for real. I wasn't sure how sick he really was, but his sister threw up all over my bed 2 nights ago, so a stomach bug was not impossible.
Last night, he kind of broke down though, and HATES school and sounded very depressed. Lots of crying, yelling, cursing, and it seems like English class is the biggest issue. I negotiated with him that he would go to school today, but skip English class, instead spend it in library or resource room.
So looks like things are not working as well as they should. I have calls in to the school, to his counselor, Gopher, and our special needs resource center. More IEP meetings, oh joy.
I hope he'll be able to cope better today without English class. We'll see.
The girls are doing well, will post individual updates soon. For now, documenting current Zack issues.
This week, he has been 'sick' for two days. One day I sent him to school anyway, but he called within 20 minutes that he was too sick to stay and the nurse said he could go home. Both days, he said he felt like throwing up, although it never happened for real. I wasn't sure how sick he really was, but his sister threw up all over my bed 2 nights ago, so a stomach bug was not impossible.
Last night, he kind of broke down though, and HATES school and sounded very depressed. Lots of crying, yelling, cursing, and it seems like English class is the biggest issue. I negotiated with him that he would go to school today, but skip English class, instead spend it in library or resource room.
So looks like things are not working as well as they should. I have calls in to the school, to his counselor, Gopher, and our special needs resource center. More IEP meetings, oh joy.
I hope he'll be able to cope better today without English class. We'll see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
