After talking to a psychologist last June and thinking and pondering and realizing he had a lot of valid points, I have decided it will be best for everyone if the kids enter school in September.
He felt very strongly that with what he called a 'self directed learner' as a mother and an Aspergers father, the kids would benefit tremendously from being in a school environment. He had many valid points and in his opinion all learning is social. Which is part of the homeschooling package too, but it seems easier to accomplish at school
in certain ways.
He also talked about hardiness in a psychological way which was quite interesting and I will have to read up on that.
I haven't told the younger ones yet, but today I told Ysa. She was shocked. And resistant. And sad. And hurt. And it was hard to tell her :( She was crying and saying a lot of things like 'But why????' and 'I am NOT going!' and 'I am NOT going to like it!' and 'I am NOT going to do any work!' I validated all her feelings and explained it as well as I could for her level and was there and listened and listened and listened.
I explained that I talked to the school psychologist and felt that they all would benefit from being in school and used the 'all learning is social' phrase a lot. I did not mention the aspergers aspect of their dad, since I don't think she is at an age to see that as a good reason to go to school. So I blamed the smallness of our town and the lack of a LOT of homeschoolers. We have a great group, but there aren't that many kids her age.
She was and is not happy. I told her about all the positive things in school, but she wasn't ready to listen to those. I validated her feelings, but also made it very clear to her that it is not her decision.
At least she knows now and has about five weeks to get used to the concept.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Still Hostile
Zac still is living at his dad's, still without any communication about it from his dad. He does come home on Tuesdays and Thursdays to go to his Extended Year program to take the school bus. Although he now seems to have convinced his dad that he cannot possible come here to wait for the school bus and on Tuesday (and I assume today) his dad has been driving him to school. Which is weird, since the dad is not as willing to take time off for the other kids, but whatever.
On Tuesday Zac was here after school and before therapy. He wanted to play computer and I told him he could do it after he cleaned up for 15 minutes in his room. He got very upset, shouting at me that I was worse than Hitler and the Nazis and he would just call me Dear Leader from now on. He was calling me a control freak and all the shouting was loud enough to make Penny burst in tears (she was in the room and it wasn't directed at her, but she got scared enough to start crying).
So I can't say I see much improvement by him living at the ex's house and I don't think it is in any way good for him to be devoid of structure.
I talked to my lawyer about it and I think I'll let her write a letter explaining when they are due home. Zac's case manager recommended a slow transition, maybe one week with two days and then the next week the full week. Sounds good to me. This is not going to be easy, but I feel it is needed for Zac to be able to learn life skills beyond sleeping and playing computer.
On Tuesday Zac was here after school and before therapy. He wanted to play computer and I told him he could do it after he cleaned up for 15 minutes in his room. He got very upset, shouting at me that I was worse than Hitler and the Nazis and he would just call me Dear Leader from now on. He was calling me a control freak and all the shouting was loud enough to make Penny burst in tears (she was in the room and it wasn't directed at her, but she got scared enough to start crying).
So I can't say I see much improvement by him living at the ex's house and I don't think it is in any way good for him to be devoid of structure.
I talked to my lawyer about it and I think I'll let her write a letter explaining when they are due home. Zac's case manager recommended a slow transition, maybe one week with two days and then the next week the full week. Sounds good to me. This is not going to be easy, but I feel it is needed for Zac to be able to learn life skills beyond sleeping and playing computer.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Grateful for Katie Beckett Program
Just was doing some admin stuff and found Zac's commercial health insurance statement, about his March hospitalization:
Cost $6,000
Patient responsibility $2,600
The Katie Beckett program will pick up that part of the cost, which is good, because I could not afford it at all at the moment. It is making a huge difference in our life and I am grateful for that.
Cost $6,000
Patient responsibility $2,600
The Katie Beckett program will pick up that part of the cost, which is good, because I could not afford it at all at the moment. It is making a huge difference in our life and I am grateful for that.
A Good Summer for Violet
Violet's camp at the science museum went well. We had the normal morning issues, but nothing big, apart from one morning when we had the Very Big 'I am not going, I am not talking, I am not reacting, I am not doing anything but hope you will give up and let me be' common issues. Somehow, after a long time, at least half an hour if not more, I had gotten her outside on the porch and was trying to get her to the van, unsuccessfully so far. Until Skunk, one of the cats walked past, and I handed him to Violet and asked her 'What about we take Skunk in the car with us?' That was the magic solution.
We loaded Skunk and Violet into the car and made it to camp. Skunk would like to let y'all know though that he does NOT approve of this solution. Not at all! He was meowing the whole way.
After the first camp, she has been going to a theater camp.This was every morning from 8-10. Next week there will be a performance. She seems to really enjoy the theater work and boys are falling in love with her in the story line. She has missed one day, but has made it every other day, which is encouraging morning routine and sleeping wise.
Early August will be her second museum camp, and the weeks after she will do swimming lessons (her choice) although I am going to be very interested to see whether she will actually enter the water. That has been an issue with swimming lessons in the past. I hope it is better this year, we'll see. She is fine swimming in the afternoon with our family, but wasn't during swimming lessons last year.
Overall, she is doing very well this summer.
We loaded Skunk and Violet into the car and made it to camp. Skunk would like to let y'all know though that he does NOT approve of this solution. Not at all! He was meowing the whole way.
After the first camp, she has been going to a theater camp.This was every morning from 8-10. Next week there will be a performance. She seems to really enjoy the theater work and boys are falling in love with her in the story line. She has missed one day, but has made it every other day, which is encouraging morning routine and sleeping wise.
Early August will be her second museum camp, and the weeks after she will do swimming lessons (her choice) although I am going to be very interested to see whether she will actually enter the water. That has been an issue with swimming lessons in the past. I hope it is better this year, we'll see. She is fine swimming in the afternoon with our family, but wasn't during swimming lessons last year.
Overall, she is doing very well this summer.
Still a Mess But Manageable
Things are still a mess, but I am better able to deal with it. I have accepted we will live in this house for a while longer, so school in September will be the current school, which simplifies things. I have talked to my parent advocate. I am going to email Violet's case manager today.
I am catching up on administrative things and taking steps I should in other areas of my life. I have decided to get the boys back home, stating 'It is almost time to go back to school and we need to start building the school routine.' I will give them a few more days, both for them and for me but then I will just do it.
I emailed Vincent and talked about the importance of his schoolwork over computergames.
Zac went with us to a local festival at an organic farm and had a great time.
Today Zac went with most of his siblings to an amusement park.
After I take care of the other administrative stuff, I will take a deep breath and start with the educational advocacy part. She must think I have fallen off the face of the Earth, at the same time realizing that I either will be back to her or not. I will figure out the money issue and get back to her and take it from there. Hopefully sometime this week or next week.
Baby steps. But all of them moving forwards.
We had a big meeting with all the therapists, and their dad explained to the therapists how well Zac was doing. Um... yes, it is easier to do well if there are no rules or structure beyond sleep and computer. Whatever. I am still working through my resentment that I am trying to do everything I can to figure out what is best for the boys, while the ex just took them without any communication and now states that they are living with him. My lawyer explained to him otherwise.
But on the other hand, I have moved past my resentment into action, or at least planning action which I prepared for by having my lawyer send that letter.
I am still overwhelmed, but I can feel my calmness underneath it. I can feel my sense of direction and my grounding and I know that I am doing a darned good job at all this, even when I feel I am not.
I am catching up on administrative things and taking steps I should in other areas of my life. I have decided to get the boys back home, stating 'It is almost time to go back to school and we need to start building the school routine.' I will give them a few more days, both for them and for me but then I will just do it.
I emailed Vincent and talked about the importance of his schoolwork over computergames.
Zac went with us to a local festival at an organic farm and had a great time.
Today Zac went with most of his siblings to an amusement park.
After I take care of the other administrative stuff, I will take a deep breath and start with the educational advocacy part. She must think I have fallen off the face of the Earth, at the same time realizing that I either will be back to her or not. I will figure out the money issue and get back to her and take it from there. Hopefully sometime this week or next week.
Baby steps. But all of them moving forwards.
We had a big meeting with all the therapists, and their dad explained to the therapists how well Zac was doing. Um... yes, it is easier to do well if there are no rules or structure beyond sleep and computer. Whatever. I am still working through my resentment that I am trying to do everything I can to figure out what is best for the boys, while the ex just took them without any communication and now states that they are living with him. My lawyer explained to him otherwise.
But on the other hand, I have moved past my resentment into action, or at least planning action which I prepared for by having my lawyer send that letter.
I am still overwhelmed, but I can feel my calmness underneath it. I can feel my sense of direction and my grounding and I know that I am doing a darned good job at all this, even when I feel I am not.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Disturbing Things They Say
This was a very disturbing moment for me, and I still have a hard time thinking about it and almost crying while writing it.
We were driving around after looking at a few possible houses to move into. We had seen a nice house, but it had some issues, and I remarked to my friend 'I would love that house if I didn't have any kids, if it was just me and a boy friend.'
From the back seat Baby Bear (5) said, very matter-of-factly 'You can just kill all of us'.
Both of us assured her that there was no way we would ever do that and we would be super sad and that was just plain wrong and unthinkable.
But inside I was crying for the childhood she has, where she thinks that killing all the kids is an acceptable solution. Where she has been so surrounded by people making threats that she considers it normal. Having a father who'd rather play World of Warcraft than play with her. Having a father who has said things like 'Why don't you just kill your kids?' to me which still is such a surreal thing to me, it is more bizarre than many stories and realities I read about.
Poor Baby Bear :(
We were driving around after looking at a few possible houses to move into. We had seen a nice house, but it had some issues, and I remarked to my friend 'I would love that house if I didn't have any kids, if it was just me and a boy friend.'
From the back seat Baby Bear (5) said, very matter-of-factly 'You can just kill all of us'.
Both of us assured her that there was no way we would ever do that and we would be super sad and that was just plain wrong and unthinkable.
But inside I was crying for the childhood she has, where she thinks that killing all the kids is an acceptable solution. Where she has been so surrounded by people making threats that she considers it normal. Having a father who'd rather play World of Warcraft than play with her. Having a father who has said things like 'Why don't you just kill your kids?' to me which still is such a surreal thing to me, it is more bizarre than many stories and realities I read about.
Poor Baby Bear :(
Threatening Talk
Zac was home for a few hours after school and before therapy. I was making phone calls and while I did that Zac threatened Bryan with 'Wouldn't it be bad if someone kicked you so hard that pieces of you ended up in Alaska????'
When I confronted him, he said Bryan was being obnoxious.
Bryan told me by 'Zac told me he would kick me so hard that pieces of me would end up in Alaska.'
I have a call in to my lawyer about the custody issues with Zac and Vincent.
When I confronted him, he said Bryan was being obnoxious.
Bryan told me by 'Zac told me he would kick me so hard that pieces of me would end up in Alaska.'
I have a call in to my lawyer about the custody issues with Zac and Vincent.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Struggling
Me , that is ^^
I know I have horribly neglected this blog and I feel I have been neglecting many Zac issues in real life too.
Zac seems to have moved in with his dad, there has been no communication about it and his dad has not been paying the alimony and child support he should and things are just a mess. I found myself waiting for the money before I was going to confront him about Zac and Vincent. I find myself stuck in the old pattern of avoiding confrontations, no doubt born out of all the historical issues. I find myself almost relieved that Zac isn't at home at the moment, and then immediately feel guilty.
I haven't sent in any of his papers to the educational advocate and don't have the money to do so now, which makes me feel super guilty. The papers are kind of organized, but I need to spend another hour at least to get them ready to send. Not to mention not having money at all right now.
He has been coming home to go to his summer program, but is in a Very Bad Mood when he gets home. This morning, he stayed outside for an hour, waiting for the bus, and when I said 'Hi Zac!' he was super grouchy and explained that I caused his bad mood by being so horrible to him.
I think in a way it is good to have him away from my house for a bit, in another way his dad sets ZERO limits and lets them play computer all day and night and they are unsupervised during the day when he works. Zac was still wearing the same tshirt he was wearing 1.5 weeks ago. When he was home on Thursday, I proposed a shower, but he said 'I took a shower at papa's.' When I remarked that he was still wearing the same t-shirt he had been wearing on Tuesday, he said 'Oh, I just put on the same clothes again.' I don't even know where to start explaining why that isn't quite right.
Zac clearly still sees me as the enemy and I think living together with his dad is not helping. (Dad is saying things like 'Mama is making things hard for me!') But I think the physical seperation helps, and could be beneficial in the long run, or maybe it isn't. I don't know whether I am ready to fight this fight yet. Legally, I have physical custody and can 'make' him come home, but what would that do to my relationship with him?????
The good news is that I have an appointment to apply for medicaid for all the kids which would enable more therapy for the ones who need it. Bryan ran out of therapy sessions via his dad's health insurance and medicaid would pay for more.
So many issues, and no way to know what are the right answers.
I know I have horribly neglected this blog and I feel I have been neglecting many Zac issues in real life too.
Zac seems to have moved in with his dad, there has been no communication about it and his dad has not been paying the alimony and child support he should and things are just a mess. I found myself waiting for the money before I was going to confront him about Zac and Vincent. I find myself stuck in the old pattern of avoiding confrontations, no doubt born out of all the historical issues. I find myself almost relieved that Zac isn't at home at the moment, and then immediately feel guilty.
I haven't sent in any of his papers to the educational advocate and don't have the money to do so now, which makes me feel super guilty. The papers are kind of organized, but I need to spend another hour at least to get them ready to send. Not to mention not having money at all right now.
He has been coming home to go to his summer program, but is in a Very Bad Mood when he gets home. This morning, he stayed outside for an hour, waiting for the bus, and when I said 'Hi Zac!' he was super grouchy and explained that I caused his bad mood by being so horrible to him.
I think in a way it is good to have him away from my house for a bit, in another way his dad sets ZERO limits and lets them play computer all day and night and they are unsupervised during the day when he works. Zac was still wearing the same tshirt he was wearing 1.5 weeks ago. When he was home on Thursday, I proposed a shower, but he said 'I took a shower at papa's.' When I remarked that he was still wearing the same t-shirt he had been wearing on Tuesday, he said 'Oh, I just put on the same clothes again.' I don't even know where to start explaining why that isn't quite right.
Zac clearly still sees me as the enemy and I think living together with his dad is not helping. (Dad is saying things like 'Mama is making things hard for me!') But I think the physical seperation helps, and could be beneficial in the long run, or maybe it isn't. I don't know whether I am ready to fight this fight yet. Legally, I have physical custody and can 'make' him come home, but what would that do to my relationship with him?????
The good news is that I have an appointment to apply for medicaid for all the kids which would enable more therapy for the ones who need it. Bryan ran out of therapy sessions via his dad's health insurance and medicaid would pay for more.
So many issues, and no way to know what are the right answers.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Sigh
Yes, I should catch up, but I can't yet.
Today, Zac started his summer school. I told his dad he should be here before the 10:50am bus and that actually worked. He went to school, came back at 1:30pm and we were due at therapy at 3pm.
In the car, I asked him about school. He became agitated very easily, even although I ended up asking only 'Did you have a good time at school today?', 'How are your guitar lessons?' and 'Did you get to do any sociology at school?' He clearly still felt I was interrogating him.
After therapy, we picked up Ysa from a friend's house. While we were driving back, Zac went into weird reasonings 'You are verbally abusing me! You chose to have unprotected sex and that is why you are verbally abusing me now!' Ysa made fun of him and I asked him to tell me when I verbally abused him. 'You asked me about school! That was verbal abuse! You are always yelling at me!'
Sigh.
No progress.
Staying with his dad is not particularly good for him, but it is quieter at home for Vincent, so for now not fighting that fight.
Today, Zac started his summer school. I told his dad he should be here before the 10:50am bus and that actually worked. He went to school, came back at 1:30pm and we were due at therapy at 3pm.
In the car, I asked him about school. He became agitated very easily, even although I ended up asking only 'Did you have a good time at school today?', 'How are your guitar lessons?' and 'Did you get to do any sociology at school?' He clearly still felt I was interrogating him.
After therapy, we picked up Ysa from a friend's house. While we were driving back, Zac went into weird reasonings 'You are verbally abusing me! You chose to have unprotected sex and that is why you are verbally abusing me now!' Ysa made fun of him and I asked him to tell me when I verbally abused him. 'You asked me about school! That was verbal abuse! You are always yelling at me!'
Sigh.
No progress.
Staying with his dad is not particularly good for him, but it is quieter at home for Vincent, so for now not fighting that fight.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Good Kathy Beckett News
Phew.
I called the Department of Health and Human Services and they told me 'Oh, you are ok, it got reinstated on July 2nd.' I guess sending in the forms late wasn't as bad as they portrayed it to be when they sent the letter 'Your benefits have been terminated.'
One more disaster averted, but next year I'll send the forms in in a more timely manner. Of course, I will not be in the middle of a divorce, which will make things easier. I hope.
I called the Department of Health and Human Services and they told me 'Oh, you are ok, it got reinstated on July 2nd.' I guess sending in the forms late wasn't as bad as they portrayed it to be when they sent the letter 'Your benefits have been terminated.'
One more disaster averted, but next year I'll send the forms in in a more timely manner. Of course, I will not be in the middle of a divorce, which will make things easier. I hope.
Kathy Beckett Mess
Gah.
Once a year, I have to fill out and send in a questionaire for Zac's Kathy Beckett coverage. This year, this questionaire coincided with the divorce and I sent it out a few days after the deadline. I had the always optimistic point of view that those things happen and that I can't imagine that it would be horrible or lead to severe consequences.
I was wrong.
A few days ago, I got a letter that Zac's benefits have been terminated because of not sending this form. Even if I did, but that must have been after they made the decision.
I tried calling, but they were closed for the holiday weekend. I will call them today and hope that I can get to talk to someone who can help me fix this. If not, I'll have to do the whole application over again, AND Zac can't have counseling / case management till it is resolved.
The good news is that I was planning on applying for medicaid for all the kids anyway, so maybe this is the perfect time to do so.
Send good thoughts for me to be able to clean up this mess as soon as possible!
Once a year, I have to fill out and send in a questionaire for Zac's Kathy Beckett coverage. This year, this questionaire coincided with the divorce and I sent it out a few days after the deadline. I had the always optimistic point of view that those things happen and that I can't imagine that it would be horrible or lead to severe consequences.
I was wrong.
A few days ago, I got a letter that Zac's benefits have been terminated because of not sending this form. Even if I did, but that must have been after they made the decision.
I tried calling, but they were closed for the holiday weekend. I will call them today and hope that I can get to talk to someone who can help me fix this. If not, I'll have to do the whole application over again, AND Zac can't have counseling / case management till it is resolved.
The good news is that I was planning on applying for medicaid for all the kids anyway, so maybe this is the perfect time to do so.
Send good thoughts for me to be able to clean up this mess as soon as possible!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Yes, I Still Do Exist
But Very Overwhelmed with life.
Zac is doing kinda ok, but tons of stuff going on in his life and my life and everyone's life. I started a post two weeks ago, which I hope to finish in the next few days.
Stay tuned!
And send good thoughts, I feel like I am drowning, even if I know I am not ^^
Zac is doing kinda ok, but tons of stuff going on in his life and my life and everyone's life. I started a post two weeks ago, which I hope to finish in the next few days.
Stay tuned!
And send good thoughts, I feel like I am drowning, even if I know I am not ^^
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