An interesting aside to the other post about how mom and dad are different. I was talking to Penny about her visit to her dad's house and she volunteered 'I asked daddy why he lets Zac and Vincent play computer so much and doesn't just turn off the internet' He replied that he wants them to learn self control, he doesn't want to be an outside controlling factor because it is important for them to be able to control themselves.
There is so much I could say about this, but I have to admit to being speechless about that reasoning ^^
Monday, August 31, 2009
Interesting Observations
Today I was with the three youngest and we were talking about one of Penny's friends. Penny talked about how her friend's parents were so different and it made you wonder why they ever got married.
This peeked my interest and I said that sometimes people who were very different got married. I got married to their dad after all and we are very different. Penny and Baby Bear correctly identified that I didn't know how different he was when we got married.
I was curious enough about their images of me and their dad to ask how they thought we were different now. Baby Bear didn't really come up with anything useful beyond 'Well, he was a nice guy back then because he married you.'
Bryan didn't miss a breath and immediately replied 'His temper!' I was surprised and frankly a bit dismayed that that is the first difference that he came up with , that it is so high up in his mind that his dad has an unpredictable temper. He didn't come up with any other differences.
Penny said 'Well, you are way more strict about computer and health stuff. But papa is more worried about us climbing trees and things like that. But not as bad as Cynthia's dad who doesn't let her climb trees beyond a few feet high.'
Interesting stuff.
This peeked my interest and I said that sometimes people who were very different got married. I got married to their dad after all and we are very different. Penny and Baby Bear correctly identified that I didn't know how different he was when we got married.
I was curious enough about their images of me and their dad to ask how they thought we were different now. Baby Bear didn't really come up with anything useful beyond 'Well, he was a nice guy back then because he married you.'
Bryan didn't miss a breath and immediately replied 'His temper!' I was surprised and frankly a bit dismayed that that is the first difference that he came up with , that it is so high up in his mind that his dad has an unpredictable temper. He didn't come up with any other differences.
Penny said 'Well, you are way more strict about computer and health stuff. But papa is more worried about us climbing trees and things like that. But not as bad as Cynthia's dad who doesn't let her climb trees beyond a few feet high.'
Interesting stuff.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Vincent and School
Well, Vincent is still at his dad's house, but he did call me to ask for a ride to the meeting at school. Interesting how the ex didn't seem interested at all in attending even if he knew that the meeting was going on and he has been driving Zac to and from school all the time.
Not that I minded giving Vincent a ride, it just struck me as peculiar.
The meeting went ok. Vincent was a bit sullen, but not too badly. He seems resigned to his lot, but very unhappy about it. I felt it was a victory that I even could get him to show up for the meeting and show some kind of interest, even although he had refused to look at the course catalog at all. The one I gave his dad so that he and Vincent could check it out and find what classes he would want to take.
He refused to take a full caseload of seven classes, so we negotiated to five hours of classes and two hours of study hall. Some math, some English, some government, some phycial sciences and teen roles / PE if he decides to stay in school after his birthday. He took a math test to decide which level of math class he can do and we got a tour of the school.
When we came home, I needed to run an errand and when I came back he had disappeared. I called his dad's house, and after a while he showed up there. I asked him next time to show me the common courtesy of letting me know where he was going, and he grudgingly agreed to that.
Anyway, although he has been stating 'I AM NOT GOING!' it seems that for now he is willing to make it to school, we'll see what happens when school actually starts.
He already told me he is not going to take the school bus 'Dad can drive me!' Gotta love the feelings of entitlement he shows towards his dad. Somehow he never voiced the possibility that I could drive him, correctly identifying that as a non-option :p The school bus is just fine in my humble opinion.
Not that I minded giving Vincent a ride, it just struck me as peculiar.
The meeting went ok. Vincent was a bit sullen, but not too badly. He seems resigned to his lot, but very unhappy about it. I felt it was a victory that I even could get him to show up for the meeting and show some kind of interest, even although he had refused to look at the course catalog at all. The one I gave his dad so that he and Vincent could check it out and find what classes he would want to take.
He refused to take a full caseload of seven classes, so we negotiated to five hours of classes and two hours of study hall. Some math, some English, some government, some phycial sciences and teen roles / PE if he decides to stay in school after his birthday. He took a math test to decide which level of math class he can do and we got a tour of the school.
When we came home, I needed to run an errand and when I came back he had disappeared. I called his dad's house, and after a while he showed up there. I asked him next time to show me the common courtesy of letting me know where he was going, and he grudgingly agreed to that.
Anyway, although he has been stating 'I AM NOT GOING!' it seems that for now he is willing to make it to school, we'll see what happens when school actually starts.
He already told me he is not going to take the school bus 'Dad can drive me!' Gotta love the feelings of entitlement he shows towards his dad. Somehow he never voiced the possibility that I could drive him, correctly identifying that as a non-option :p The school bus is just fine in my humble opinion.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Penny or the Joys of SCREAMING
Lately Penny has been very freely using her SCREAMING voice. As in screaming at the top of her lungs about small issues. Last weekend she was screaming in the car for at least five minutes straight after a small disappointment and a bit of snottiness of Ysa.
She was screaming, kicking the bench in front of her and just so out of control. We had to stop at a gas station because Baby Bear had to pee, but I did not dare to leave her in the car, she refused to leave it, and I ended up physically getting her out and asking Ysa to lock the doors from the inside.
While I was in the bathroom she disappeared, and Ysa told me she was hiding behind a dumpster. I went to her and she was totally not willing to come with me or be reasonable. It took me about half an hour to talk her back into the car (and it was HOT and everyone was MELTING) and I ended up threatening to call the police because I truly could not get her into the car, and I didn't think leaving a 10yo at a gas station would be very safe :p
We talked about it in therapy, although I don't think we came up with good strategies yet. And her therapy sessions are over for the year until I get either medicaid straightened out or the financial assistance thing.
Baby bear has started screaming just as badly as Penny too, the joys of copying sibling misbehavior.
If it wasn't for interesting times, I wouldn't have any life at all ^^
She was screaming, kicking the bench in front of her and just so out of control. We had to stop at a gas station because Baby Bear had to pee, but I did not dare to leave her in the car, she refused to leave it, and I ended up physically getting her out and asking Ysa to lock the doors from the inside.
While I was in the bathroom she disappeared, and Ysa told me she was hiding behind a dumpster. I went to her and she was totally not willing to come with me or be reasonable. It took me about half an hour to talk her back into the car (and it was HOT and everyone was MELTING) and I ended up threatening to call the police because I truly could not get her into the car, and I didn't think leaving a 10yo at a gas station would be very safe :p
We talked about it in therapy, although I don't think we came up with good strategies yet. And her therapy sessions are over for the year until I get either medicaid straightened out or the financial assistance thing.
Baby bear has started screaming just as badly as Penny too, the joys of copying sibling misbehavior.
If it wasn't for interesting times, I wouldn't have any life at all ^^
Ysa and Dad
Today I spent a lot of time with Ysa and we talked about her visits to her dad. She claims it is boring and she doesn't have anything to do there and everything is wrong and nothing is right and 'YOU could divorce him, I want to unfather him!' I acknowledged her feelings, but I also tried to help her find things to do when she is there, she was not very open to any ideas. I wish there was more effort from the ex.
It was sad to watch her say all the negative things about him and her relationship with him :( She has a pretty accurate view of him, and it is not a very favorable one :(
She also misses Vincent a lot.
It was sad to watch her say all the negative things about him and her relationship with him :( She has a pretty accurate view of him, and it is not a very favorable one :(
She also misses Vincent a lot.
Wow, my ex is a typical DisneyLand Daddy!
Great article describing a lot of my situation and how to deal with it.
Mike gets the kids every other weekend and every Wednesday. The kids love going to Dad’s because there are “no rules.” They get to do pretty much whatever they want. Weekends are filled with video games, trips to the mall, pizza and movie outings. And candy. Lots and lots of candy. .... Click to read more
I love it when other people invent the wheel and I can use it to drive places without having to replicate their work.
Mike gets the kids every other weekend and every Wednesday. The kids love going to Dad’s because there are “no rules.” They get to do pretty much whatever they want. Weekends are filled with video games, trips to the mall, pizza and movie outings. And candy. Lots and lots of candy. .... Click to read more
I love it when other people invent the wheel and I can use it to drive places without having to replicate their work.
The Sad Truth
Vincent is still not very excited about going to school and still seems to think it is optional. Ysa was talking to him and he stated he would NOT be going. When she asked more, he stated 'Papa will give up eventually anyway.' Ysa agreed that yeah, that was very possible.
The sad thing is that they are right, papa will let him get away with anything as long as it doesn't interfere with X's World of Warcraft.
The sad thing is that they are right, papa will let him get away with anything as long as it doesn't interfere with X's World of Warcraft.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Visited the High School
Today i visited the high school to get some idea about possibilities for Vincent. They clearly have no clue what to do with us, their first reaction was 'If he never has been in high school, he'll have to take freshman classes all the way.' Um... Somehow I don't think that is the best solution for a 17yo who knows a LOT and basically needs to fill some gaps, if any to get a diploma or his GED. We did some trial GEDs for him one or two years ago and he passed all but math very easily. He worked through a GED math book after that and I think he might be able to pass math now or soon, but has lost all interest in studying now that he has unlimited access to World of Warcraft and I sincerely hope being in a school environment will open up his world a bit more.
At this point he is not willing to work on his GED skills at all though, the only thing he wants to do is play computer games, and sleep, and I know he will benefit from a year in high school and I want the school to support him to take classes on his level so that he can either have a high school diploma at the end of the school year, or can pass his GED with high marks.
Our other option would be to homeschool him for another year, but that has not worked so well recently, so I am not willing to do so. Legally he will have to be in school if we are not homeschooling him.
The high school has this new program that they can 'test out of classes' which I thought would be perfect for Vincent. He has a lot of the knowledge, just not the papers to prove it. But when I mentioned that, she said 'Oh, he can only get a pass for that class, it wouldn't give him any credits.' So that wouldn't help him get his high school diploma, although I think it would get him into higher level classes instead of freshman classes.
I am pondering what would be a good strategy. I feel that they can test him and see what level he is at and work with him from there to get his high school diploma. They seemed more hoping that I would go away and just get him his GED already and not get them involved at all :p
For now I have a meeting set up for next Tuesday with Vincent and the vice principal to talk about the issues. I invited my special needs support person too, and hope we can set up a plan to get Vincent what he needs.
I tried to have Vincent come with me today, but he clearly still thinks this whole school thing is ridiculous and he doesn't want it. I called the ex and asked to talk about this with Vincent and told him we have a book with classes from which he can choose what he likes so we can have that as data in the meeting next Tuesday too. He promised he would give Vincent a peptalk, we'll see what happens.
At least the ex has been making sounds about public school for Vincent last year, so I could make it all sound like it was his idea and I was agreeing with him now. So I think I have the ex support but we all know what that is worth.
The school knows he is coming. The ex knows peptalks are needed. I have been doing my own peptalk to deaf ears so far, but I am hoping that Vincent will rise up to the occasion once he gets used to the idea. Another journey to travel ^^ I am doing all I can do at the moment and I will make sure to get the family therapist informed about this new development too, since last time I saw her I wasn't aware of the Vincent at school thing yet and hoped we could just get his GED done. Now I think we can do better thanks to the new law.
At this point he is not willing to work on his GED skills at all though, the only thing he wants to do is play computer games, and sleep, and I know he will benefit from a year in high school and I want the school to support him to take classes on his level so that he can either have a high school diploma at the end of the school year, or can pass his GED with high marks.
Our other option would be to homeschool him for another year, but that has not worked so well recently, so I am not willing to do so. Legally he will have to be in school if we are not homeschooling him.
The high school has this new program that they can 'test out of classes' which I thought would be perfect for Vincent. He has a lot of the knowledge, just not the papers to prove it. But when I mentioned that, she said 'Oh, he can only get a pass for that class, it wouldn't give him any credits.' So that wouldn't help him get his high school diploma, although I think it would get him into higher level classes instead of freshman classes.
I am pondering what would be a good strategy. I feel that they can test him and see what level he is at and work with him from there to get his high school diploma. They seemed more hoping that I would go away and just get him his GED already and not get them involved at all :p
For now I have a meeting set up for next Tuesday with Vincent and the vice principal to talk about the issues. I invited my special needs support person too, and hope we can set up a plan to get Vincent what he needs.
I tried to have Vincent come with me today, but he clearly still thinks this whole school thing is ridiculous and he doesn't want it. I called the ex and asked to talk about this with Vincent and told him we have a book with classes from which he can choose what he likes so we can have that as data in the meeting next Tuesday too. He promised he would give Vincent a peptalk, we'll see what happens.
At least the ex has been making sounds about public school for Vincent last year, so I could make it all sound like it was his idea and I was agreeing with him now. So I think I have the ex support but we all know what that is worth.
The school knows he is coming. The ex knows peptalks are needed. I have been doing my own peptalk to deaf ears so far, but I am hoping that Vincent will rise up to the occasion once he gets used to the idea. Another journey to travel ^^ I am doing all I can do at the moment and I will make sure to get the family therapist informed about this new development too, since last time I saw her I wasn't aware of the Vincent at school thing yet and hoped we could just get his GED done. Now I think we can do better thanks to the new law.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Vincent
I crafted a beautiful email to the ex, explaining the wonderful opportunity for Vincent and as if the ex convinced me by saying something about school for Vincent last year (when Vincent was still willing to do school work on his own, unlike the current situation).
Yesterday they came to pick up some stuff and I asked him 'Did you read my email?' He said yes, he did and he told Vincent. Vincent did not like it at all. (Big surprise ^^) So the ex told me 'Yeah, he didn't like it, so I told him he could just pee his pants every day, and then after a few weeks they wouldn't want him anymore.' ...
Watch my jaw drop and add it to my long list of 'flabbergasted by the ex' moments.
I don't understand the reasoning, but I think it is a way of saying 'just misbehave and you will get kicked out???' Or it is a joke? It feels wrong on so many different levels than I can't even get started on trying to understand.
My sister said 'The only thing it would do for Vincent is thoroughly destroy all his chances for having any kind of social life in school.'
Anyway, at least the ex seems to support the idea of having Vincent in school, even if Vincent does not yet. And even if the ex shows it in a weird way.
Yesterday they came to pick up some stuff and I asked him 'Did you read my email?' He said yes, he did and he told Vincent. Vincent did not like it at all. (Big surprise ^^) So the ex told me 'Yeah, he didn't like it, so I told him he could just pee his pants every day, and then after a few weeks they wouldn't want him anymore.' ...
Watch my jaw drop and add it to my long list of 'flabbergasted by the ex' moments.
I don't understand the reasoning, but I think it is a way of saying 'just misbehave and you will get kicked out???' Or it is a joke? It feels wrong on so many different levels than I can't even get started on trying to understand.
My sister said 'The only thing it would do for Vincent is thoroughly destroy all his chances for having any kind of social life in school.'
Anyway, at least the ex seems to support the idea of having Vincent in school, even if Vincent does not yet. And even if the ex shows it in a weird way.
Friday, August 14, 2009
More Zac
Around 5:15pm Zac told me he was not feeling well and he was tired and could he call daddy so he could go home? (Plan was 7pm dinner, 8pm pickup to go to his dad's house) I said sure, and did he sleep well last night? He said 'Oh yes, he might just have eaten too much junk food today.'
Fast forward to pick up of Vincent, I asked him about Zac's sleep. 'Oh yeah, it was fine, he slept lots, from 3am till 10am.' Hmmmm, and the ex told the therapist that Zac was doing so well at his house and had a regular sleeping pattern. He didn't quite say it started at 3am :p
And of course, it makes me wonder about the ex's job if this is normal for them, but that is another story and trying not to worry about it even if I am at times.
Fast forward to pick up of Vincent, I asked him about Zac's sleep. 'Oh yeah, it was fine, he slept lots, from 3am till 10am.' Hmmmm, and the ex told the therapist that Zac was doing so well at his house and had a regular sleeping pattern. He didn't quite say it started at 3am :p
And of course, it makes me wonder about the ex's job if this is normal for them, but that is another story and trying not to worry about it even if I am at times.
OMG!!!!
Just found out that our state law changed on July 1st, 2009, which means that Vincent will be required to attend school or to be homeschooled officially. With the way things are going homeschooling wise, and the other kids going to school, I very much lean towards having him attend one year of high school to finish his education.
I am hoping that his dad will support me in that, since he seems to prefer public school over homeschooling.
It would solve a tremendous number of problems we are having with Vincent right now, socially and World of Warcraft wise.
Will have to write a good sounding email to the ex to convince him that a year of school would be very beneficial for Vincent. Which I truly believe it would be.
Wow.
That was surprising news and development.
I had half heard something about this bill, but not enough to realize Vincent was going to be affected. Today I did my research and found out.
I am hoping that his dad will support me in that, since he seems to prefer public school over homeschooling.
It would solve a tremendous number of problems we are having with Vincent right now, socially and World of Warcraft wise.
Will have to write a good sounding email to the ex to convince him that a year of school would be very beneficial for Vincent. Which I truly believe it would be.
Wow.
That was surprising news and development.
I had half heard something about this bill, but not enough to realize Vincent was going to be affected. Today I did my research and found out.
Good Visit
Zac is visiting today and things are going quite well, apart from him talking about Jesus and God in weird ways, but I hope that that just is teen weirdness, not more than that.
He had one not bad incident with Bryan when Bryan was falling apart thanks to Ysa, nothing big, just sibling stuff and Zac commented 'I think Bryan needs to go to emergency counseling' but that is not bad at all.
Zac really seems to enjoy Baby Bear and she clearly enjoys having him around, so that is a positive thing. Looks like they missed each other a lot while the boys were gone and didn't really visit. I feel the transition back is pretty good so far, send many positive vibes for continuing success.
He had one not bad incident with Bryan when Bryan was falling apart thanks to Ysa, nothing big, just sibling stuff and Zac commented 'I think Bryan needs to go to emergency counseling' but that is not bad at all.
Zac really seems to enjoy Baby Bear and she clearly enjoys having him around, so that is a positive thing. Looks like they missed each other a lot while the boys were gone and didn't really visit. I feel the transition back is pretty good so far, send many positive vibes for continuing success.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Retail Therapy
Funnily enough, all the school kids but Zac have been really enjoying shopping the 'Back to school' sales, although they would like to have it known it is 'To school for the first time!' sales for them.
We have backpacks, good looking clothes, shoes (not all yet, but a good start), lunch boxes and have been having a great time raiding the local thrift stores for more deals.
I have requested a meeting with our school district's special needs director, to help me transition them into school smoothly after so many years of homeschooling. And I strongly suspect Bryan will need special needs services fairly soon, I guess we'll see how things develop in school.
But for now, retail therapy rocks ^^ Bryan found a Very Cool Lunchbox so he was happy about that. Baby Bear was a bit jealous, but I am sure we'll find her a nice one too.
We have backpacks, good looking clothes, shoes (not all yet, but a good start), lunch boxes and have been having a great time raiding the local thrift stores for more deals.
I have requested a meeting with our school district's special needs director, to help me transition them into school smoothly after so many years of homeschooling. And I strongly suspect Bryan will need special needs services fairly soon, I guess we'll see how things develop in school.
But for now, retail therapy rocks ^^ Bryan found a Very Cool Lunchbox so he was happy about that. Baby Bear was a bit jealous, but I am sure we'll find her a nice one too.
Zac and Bryan
Last Saturday, the ex left Zac and Bryan alone at his apartment when he came to pick up two others from the farmer's market. I don't think he understands at ALL how terrified Bryan is of Zac. Even if Bryan's therapist very clearly stated so during the last meeting.
A few days ago, Penny, Bryan and Violet visited the ex's apartment where Zac is full time at the moment. Penny came home saying 'Zac is constantly criticising papa's parenting of Bryan. He says that he shouldn't let him play so much computer and that Bryan is full of shit, and that Bryan is so obnoxious and that Bryan is always getting into trouble.' That doesn't sound like criticising his parenting, it sounds more like criticising Bryan. Who lives in fear of Zac at all times. No violent threats, but also not the kind of talk which seems appropriate or should be tolerated. Or at least talked about with Zac. Maybe I should email Zac's therapist and tell her about it, since the ex clearly doesn't see any problems with the situation.
Gah.
A few days ago, Penny, Bryan and Violet visited the ex's apartment where Zac is full time at the moment. Penny came home saying 'Zac is constantly criticising papa's parenting of Bryan. He says that he shouldn't let him play so much computer and that Bryan is full of shit, and that Bryan is so obnoxious and that Bryan is always getting into trouble.' That doesn't sound like criticising his parenting, it sounds more like criticising Bryan. Who lives in fear of Zac at all times. No violent threats, but also not the kind of talk which seems appropriate or should be tolerated. Or at least talked about with Zac. Maybe I should email Zac's therapist and tell her about it, since the ex clearly doesn't see any problems with the situation.
Gah.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sweetness
Zac had a dentist appointment and I didn't have baby sitters, so I took Bryan and Baby Bear with me to the dentist. It was wonderful to see how sweet Zac was with Baby Bear, carrying her around, being silly with her. It is wonderful to see him have positive interactions like that.
Just wanted to post that to balance the 'less than sweet' behaviours he is exhibiting.
After the dentist, Zac saw his therapist, and he made very sure to call his dad to pick him up from there and drive him to his house, which was not so good. He wanted to avoid having to come to my house where I ask him to actually clean up things. But hey, I will treasure the positive times and work on the not so optimal times till things improve.
It is not really part of this blog, but I do worry about his dad's job, since he is taking an awful lot of time off to drive around the boys, since they seem to be unable to take buses since they have moved into his apartment.
But the big picture is that there was Very Positive and Sweet Interaction between Zac and a younger sibling.
Just wanted to post that to balance the 'less than sweet' behaviours he is exhibiting.
After the dentist, Zac saw his therapist, and he made very sure to call his dad to pick him up from there and drive him to his house, which was not so good. He wanted to avoid having to come to my house where I ask him to actually clean up things. But hey, I will treasure the positive times and work on the not so optimal times till things improve.
It is not really part of this blog, but I do worry about his dad's job, since he is taking an awful lot of time off to drive around the boys, since they seem to be unable to take buses since they have moved into his apartment.
But the big picture is that there was Very Positive and Sweet Interaction between Zac and a younger sibling.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Transition Plan for Vincent and Zac
I have decided to work on getting Vincent and Zac home from their dad. It is ridiculous how he just took them without any communication and now claims they live with him. I told them I considered it a vacation and it is time to come home. Of course, I am giving them a lot of warning (first steps won't be made till two weeks from now) and I designed a slow transition plan.
It starts with two positive days when they will be home and it slowly eases into the normal schedule of one day and three nights with their dad. This all in preparation for school starting on September 2nd.
According to our family therapist, some markers that spending a few nights a week at
dad's house would be successful:
1. decrease of Zac's hostility towards me and
2. decrease of his aggression against Bryan.
I haven't noticed improvement in any of those. He still is Very Hostile against me, and if anything, it has gotten worse. He still has the 'you had unprotected sex so it's all your fault and you are a control freak and abusive and worse than the Nazis!!' towards me. I can deal with that, but I am more worried about the violent language he used towards Bryan.
On Saturday his father left Zac and Bryan alone at his apartment while he picked up other kids at the farmer's market, which made me very uncomfortable.
Zac has missed two days of school at his dad's house, but he does that here too, so that doesn't seem too bad, just showing one more thing which has not improved at his dad's house. His dad has been driving him to and from school last week, taking time
off from work, just so that Zac wouldn't have to be at my house. It feels like his dad is enabling the 'mom's house is bad' feelings Zac has.
When I told Vincent and Zac on Saturday that it was time to come home, Zac said 'Let's just make up a story about how mama hits us, then we don't have to come home!' Vincent was smart enough to disagree with that. I am not sure what to think of this, a more organized thinking person would not warn me in advance of making up stories like that.
I don't know what to think. I just know that the current situation doesn't feel good for either of them and it's time for them to come home and start working on life skills and getting ready for school.
Vincent was totally mad at me too 'I will just lay in bed and do NOTHING at home!' 'You are taking me away from my social life!' 'On the computer!' (World of Warcraft) 'I never did any schoolwork at your house anyway and I have been doing lots of schoolwork at papa's!' (Too bad I have documentation showing the opposite :p)
Another of his rantings 'How can you make things so inconvenient for me??? If I live at home I have to take the BUS to work! Now papa drives me all the time!' Um... yes, indeed. :p I wish he would realize that he is supposed to be able to get himself to work as an adult, and not rely on daddy driving him. It's only a few short months before he will be an adult and he says he wants to get an apartment and move out right away. Better start practicing some 'how to get myself to work' and 'how to get my GED and SATs and apply for college' skills.
Anyway, Vincent is old enough that I mostly just want him to get his GED over the next few months when he lives here, and maybe his SATs. I also would like him to apply to college (he does want to go to college) but I realize that that might not work out this year, but at least I want him to get his GED. Everything else, he will have to grow up a bit, which he might or might not do. I think he will be fine, but he might need one or a few years of 'lazing off' before he is ready to start his life as an adult.
Will be interesting to see how the transition plan works in real life. Send positive vibes!
It starts with two positive days when they will be home and it slowly eases into the normal schedule of one day and three nights with their dad. This all in preparation for school starting on September 2nd.
According to our family therapist, some markers that spending a few nights a week at
dad's house would be successful:
1. decrease of Zac's hostility towards me and
2. decrease of his aggression against Bryan.
I haven't noticed improvement in any of those. He still is Very Hostile against me, and if anything, it has gotten worse. He still has the 'you had unprotected sex so it's all your fault and you are a control freak and abusive and worse than the Nazis!!' towards me. I can deal with that, but I am more worried about the violent language he used towards Bryan.
On Saturday his father left Zac and Bryan alone at his apartment while he picked up other kids at the farmer's market, which made me very uncomfortable.
Zac has missed two days of school at his dad's house, but he does that here too, so that doesn't seem too bad, just showing one more thing which has not improved at his dad's house. His dad has been driving him to and from school last week, taking time
off from work, just so that Zac wouldn't have to be at my house. It feels like his dad is enabling the 'mom's house is bad' feelings Zac has.
When I told Vincent and Zac on Saturday that it was time to come home, Zac said 'Let's just make up a story about how mama hits us, then we don't have to come home!' Vincent was smart enough to disagree with that. I am not sure what to think of this, a more organized thinking person would not warn me in advance of making up stories like that.
I don't know what to think. I just know that the current situation doesn't feel good for either of them and it's time for them to come home and start working on life skills and getting ready for school.
Vincent was totally mad at me too 'I will just lay in bed and do NOTHING at home!' 'You are taking me away from my social life!' 'On the computer!' (World of Warcraft) 'I never did any schoolwork at your house anyway and I have been doing lots of schoolwork at papa's!' (Too bad I have documentation showing the opposite :p)
Another of his rantings 'How can you make things so inconvenient for me??? If I live at home I have to take the BUS to work! Now papa drives me all the time!' Um... yes, indeed. :p I wish he would realize that he is supposed to be able to get himself to work as an adult, and not rely on daddy driving him. It's only a few short months before he will be an adult and he says he wants to get an apartment and move out right away. Better start practicing some 'how to get myself to work' and 'how to get my GED and SATs and apply for college' skills.
Anyway, Vincent is old enough that I mostly just want him to get his GED over the next few months when he lives here, and maybe his SATs. I also would like him to apply to college (he does want to go to college) but I realize that that might not work out this year, but at least I want him to get his GED. Everything else, he will have to grow up a bit, which he might or might not do. I think he will be fine, but he might need one or a few years of 'lazing off' before he is ready to start his life as an adult.
Will be interesting to see how the transition plan works in real life. Send positive vibes!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Ysa, Bryan and Baby Bear
Yesterday, Ysa woke up and was a lot more upbeat about school. She had realized that school actually means that she can go back to school shopping. 'Mama, now that I am going to school, I will need cool clothes! I can't have them think that I am gay. I need new shirts. And new pants. No wait, Cyndi gave me her old pants, they are fine. But I have almost no sweaters. And only two t-shirts. And I need SOCKS! OMG, yes, I have no good socks at all! And makeup!'
Well, that was a great turn around from Friday night. I happily agreed that we could start back to school shopping soon (since she has outgrown a lot of her clothes anyway). Satuday afternoon we went to the thrift store with her and Violet and got tons of clothes for a small amount of money. I love the thrift store. And I love how she went from feeling sorry for herself to figuring out what needs to be done to prepare and start doing it.
We found the student handbook for her school online, which also helped.
Last night I told Bryan and Baby Bear and they didn't have any why questions, just practical ones. Bryan is worried about being shy, I told him that he would have lots of practice at school to be in social situations. Baby Bear wants to know which playground she will have at her school (we don't know yet for sure which elementary school she will go to, so not definitive answers on that one)
Now all the kids know and have a month to get used to the idea and start getting ready.
This week, I will email the school person who coordinates all this stuff and start a conversation with her to get them all officially enrolled and into the right schools.
New adventures, new perspectives! I am excited.
Well, that was a great turn around from Friday night. I happily agreed that we could start back to school shopping soon (since she has outgrown a lot of her clothes anyway). Satuday afternoon we went to the thrift store with her and Violet and got tons of clothes for a small amount of money. I love the thrift store. And I love how she went from feeling sorry for herself to figuring out what needs to be done to prepare and start doing it.
We found the student handbook for her school online, which also helped.
Last night I told Bryan and Baby Bear and they didn't have any why questions, just practical ones. Bryan is worried about being shy, I told him that he would have lots of practice at school to be in social situations. Baby Bear wants to know which playground she will have at her school (we don't know yet for sure which elementary school she will go to, so not definitive answers on that one)
Now all the kids know and have a month to get used to the idea and start getting ready.
This week, I will email the school person who coordinates all this stuff and start a conversation with her to get them all officially enrolled and into the right schools.
New adventures, new perspectives! I am excited.
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