Next week is a totally crazy week with 42 school meetings, parent teacher conferences, tons of other stuff going on. Early releases when I didn't expect early releases, more, more, more. Not to mention that I was supposed to have respite care tomorrow but for circumstances beyond my control that didn't work out and I am a bit bummed about that, because it also complicates my Monday morning Zac school meeting when my respite care provider was going to be there but now isn't.
There has been lots of drama (nothing big, just Kids and Girls Drama) continuously around the house for the last few days and I was feeling just a tad overwhelmed.
This morning, my friend called and asked me to come over to their town tonight for a fun Halloween event and my first inclination was 'No way I can do that.' I have to be a good mom and be home for trick or treating. I have to be a good mom and available for the kids when they come home with candy. I have to be a good mom and cannot just do whatever I feel like, even although I desperately want to go out with my friends. '
I knew the ex was most likely going to drop off Baby Bear and Bryan at my house right after trick or treating and I didn't know yet what Penny's and her friend's plans were and I just KNEW it couldn't work.
My inner child mentally sat down in the corner, feeling morose, going 'Woe is me!' and whining that 'I NEVER get what I want!' and 'It's not fair.' and more of these types of uplifting thoughts.
My more reasonable self observed my inner child doing that and said 'Wait a minute! What about you stop feeling sorry for yourself and you look at it from a more reasonable perspective and maybe we can come up with a solution.'
All this happened during my phone conversation and it was interesting to be on a third level noticing this inner conversation in myself and to help the more reasonable self to find solutions.
And of course there were solutions, like there usually are for any problems, and I decided to ask the ex to keep Baby Bear and Bryan till I would come pick them up after my event and the teens would have a great time at home anyway, didn't quite need (or even WANT) me there and Penny is going to sleep over at her friend's house after trick or treating.
My phone conversation morphed from 'I am sorry but no way' into 'Hmmm, I might be able to pull this off after all'. Now I am looking forward to a fun time with my friends and amused at myself for my silly first reaction.
I suspect there is a life lesson in there somewhere if only I could find it ^^
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Working Memory Skills
It is WAY later at night than I want it to be, so this will be very short blog post about Penny, on whom I got more information in a meeting with dr Plato today. He talked about her working memory and her ability to manipulate items in her short term memory, proven by the fact that she could recite seven random numbers backwards to him. He only had seen one other kid who was able to do that, which frankly scares me since I want 'normal' kids, but I guess that is just a stupid desire since all kids are special anyway.
Although it is wonderful to have one at the 'gifted' end of the spectrum instead of at the 'autistic' end of the spectrum, and I realize that she has a very good problem solving ability and agility of mind which will help her much in her life. She is willing to consider opposing viewpoints, which has not always been possible for my Aspie kids, especially Zac, who considers himself super smart and everyone around him an idiot so will not contemplate ANY input from those retards...
Anyway, I read up on working memory today and found all kinds of interesting tidbits, some of which will help me with my own studying. Meeting dr Plato always gives me useful insights, and websurfing shiny 'memory web sites' gave me lots of good ideas for my own life. One of which is reminding myself how important sleep is, which I am still getting used to after so many years of ignoring the need for sleep. And I was doing a pretty good job at ignoring it too, since I am very good at being stubborn and it was my way of dealing with certain night time issues with the ex which were easier avoided than faced.
Off to bed ^^
Although it is wonderful to have one at the 'gifted' end of the spectrum instead of at the 'autistic' end of the spectrum, and I realize that she has a very good problem solving ability and agility of mind which will help her much in her life. She is willing to consider opposing viewpoints, which has not always been possible for my Aspie kids, especially Zac, who considers himself super smart and everyone around him an idiot so will not contemplate ANY input from those retards...
Anyway, I read up on working memory today and found all kinds of interesting tidbits, some of which will help me with my own studying. Meeting dr Plato always gives me useful insights, and websurfing shiny 'memory web sites' gave me lots of good ideas for my own life. One of which is reminding myself how important sleep is, which I am still getting used to after so many years of ignoring the need for sleep. And I was doing a pretty good job at ignoring it too, since I am very good at being stubborn and it was my way of dealing with certain night time issues with the ex which were easier avoided than faced.
Off to bed ^^
Locked in the Bathroom??? ^^
No idea what is going on, but on my way to pick up Zac and Vincent for short visit and Violet's school calls 'We wonder whether you could come pick up Violet today, since she locked herself in the bathroom and says she is ok but she just needs more time.'
Um...
ok ^^
Off to life, I have tons of things to write and Dr Plato ROCKS
Um...
ok ^^
Off to life, I have tons of things to write and Dr Plato ROCKS
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Well... (Good Penny News)
Definitely no Aspie or autistic tendencies in Penny.
Interesting news: her intelligence is high, she tested in the 130s in all the tests he did apart from processing speed, which only tested at 106. He felt this was mostly due to her being a slow writer since handwriting wasn't something we had focused on in our homeschooling. He expects her to catch up, and see her at the top of her class at the end of this year and would not be surprised if two years from now we will discuss her skipping a grade. Zac and Violet test in the 120s, but he felt she was way more intelligent than they are, with a mind which is very good at making associations. He clearly very much enjoyed working with her all day.
In the morning, when I was still there, he asked her about school and she complained about being bussed on one of the very early buses and being on one of the last buses to leave school at the end of the day. She also talked about how she enjoyed the social time at school with her friends. Dr Plato turned this complaint around very nicely by stating that she was so lucky, that she was on the bus route which got the longest before and after school social time.
He wasn't very worried about the things she is hearing, so I guess I shouldn't worry either. Nice to have a positive neuropsychological evaluation for a change.
Interesting news: her intelligence is high, she tested in the 130s in all the tests he did apart from processing speed, which only tested at 106. He felt this was mostly due to her being a slow writer since handwriting wasn't something we had focused on in our homeschooling. He expects her to catch up, and see her at the top of her class at the end of this year and would not be surprised if two years from now we will discuss her skipping a grade. Zac and Violet test in the 120s, but he felt she was way more intelligent than they are, with a mind which is very good at making associations. He clearly very much enjoyed working with her all day.
In the morning, when I was still there, he asked her about school and she complained about being bussed on one of the very early buses and being on one of the last buses to leave school at the end of the day. She also talked about how she enjoyed the social time at school with her friends. Dr Plato turned this complaint around very nicely by stating that she was so lucky, that she was on the bus route which got the longest before and after school social time.
He wasn't very worried about the things she is hearing, so I guess I shouldn't worry either. Nice to have a positive neuropsychological evaluation for a change.
Zac: No School Today
Zac didn't go to school today and was late for school yesterday.
His father states 'He is not doing well, he has nightmares and can't sleep and that's why he isn't going to school.'
I didn't ask about the lightbox. I think I know the answer, although for the sake of completeness I should ask. I guess it will come up in next Monday's meeting at high school anyway.
His father states 'He is not doing well, he has nightmares and can't sleep and that's why he isn't going to school.'
I didn't ask about the lightbox. I think I know the answer, although for the sake of completeness I should ask. I guess it will come up in next Monday's meeting at high school anyway.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Hole in the Wall
Did I mention that Ysa must have kicked a hole in the wall a few days ago when she had her 'You are not letting me play piano at 10pm? I sooooooo hate you!' temper tantrum? Gah. Just one more thing to deal while trying to get the house ready for sale.
Yes, I am Behind on Everything
Including updating this blog.
The good news is that I found Zac's old Katie Beckett application, which I can use for filling out the forms they send me to do the Katie Beckett review. To find them, I sorted through a big box of Zac papers which now all are in files, organized by date.
The other good news is that Dr Plato is going to do a neuropsych eval on Penny tomorrow. On the one hand I am thrilled he is going to look at her, on the other hand I want to put my head in the sand and not have another 'diagnosed' kid. However ridiculous that sounds, that's the double feeling I am having now.
She still is hearing voices. Sometimes they say her name. She can't figure out whether it's a male or female voice, somewhere in between she thinks. She also hears music 'Partly it is in my head, but also partly out of my head.' She hears our phone when she is at school. She hears her best friend Suzanne here at home when Suzanne is not visiting, but she still can very clearly hear her. She is describing all those experiences very vividly and I think it's good to have a psychologist get deeper into this and help us figure out what is going on.
A 'funny': When I was filling out one of the many forms for Penny's eval, one of them had tons of stuff that I checked off for Zac and Violet, but I always had been happy that 'hears voices' wasn't one of them. You know the old 'Well, they might have issues but at least they aren't hearing voices.' Gah.
I guess now I'll joke 'At least the voices aren't telling her to kill us.' but maybe that is a too dangerous thing to joke about. Humor seems to be my first line of defense, even dark humor.
Let's just hope that the voices have an innocent explanation.
The good news is that I found Zac's old Katie Beckett application, which I can use for filling out the forms they send me to do the Katie Beckett review. To find them, I sorted through a big box of Zac papers which now all are in files, organized by date.
The other good news is that Dr Plato is going to do a neuropsych eval on Penny tomorrow. On the one hand I am thrilled he is going to look at her, on the other hand I want to put my head in the sand and not have another 'diagnosed' kid. However ridiculous that sounds, that's the double feeling I am having now.
She still is hearing voices. Sometimes they say her name. She can't figure out whether it's a male or female voice, somewhere in between she thinks. She also hears music 'Partly it is in my head, but also partly out of my head.' She hears our phone when she is at school. She hears her best friend Suzanne here at home when Suzanne is not visiting, but she still can very clearly hear her. She is describing all those experiences very vividly and I think it's good to have a psychologist get deeper into this and help us figure out what is going on.
A 'funny': When I was filling out one of the many forms for Penny's eval, one of them had tons of stuff that I checked off for Zac and Violet, but I always had been happy that 'hears voices' wasn't one of them. You know the old 'Well, they might have issues but at least they aren't hearing voices.' Gah.
I guess now I'll joke 'At least the voices aren't telling her to kill us.' but maybe that is a too dangerous thing to joke about. Humor seems to be my first line of defense, even dark humor.
Let's just hope that the voices have an innocent explanation.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Interesting Observations about Stupid Papers
Today I am going through Zac's Big Box of Papers, full of school , hospital and medical crap and organizing it into files. One of my friends went through them earlier this year and did a sorting by year which will help, but I am not even at that part of the box yet and surprised how much emotional pain and 'interesting memories' come up, just by looking at the stupid papers.
I hold a flyer of the child psych ward (what time is visiting hours, and other administrative things) and find myself not only remembering the times Zac spent there, but also wondering 'Should I throw this out or will I be hospitalizing other kids there in the future?' Which is a totally stupid and unproductive thought, so it surprised me how strongly it came up in me and how resistant I was to throwing out this paper. I did throw it out though, don't worry.
While I am being stressed and dealing with the emotional issues, at the same time I am able to take a step back and observe myself doing so and recognizing that this might be an inevitable part of my growing up. So I write and drink tea and will go back to sorting papers now ^^
Breathe deeply and stay composed.
I hold a flyer of the child psych ward (what time is visiting hours, and other administrative things) and find myself not only remembering the times Zac spent there, but also wondering 'Should I throw this out or will I be hospitalizing other kids there in the future?' Which is a totally stupid and unproductive thought, so it surprised me how strongly it came up in me and how resistant I was to throwing out this paper. I did throw it out though, don't worry.
While I am being stressed and dealing with the emotional issues, at the same time I am able to take a step back and observe myself doing so and recognizing that this might be an inevitable part of my growing up. So I write and drink tea and will go back to sorting papers now ^^
Breathe deeply and stay composed.
Ysa ...
Last night Ysa yet another rage incident. She had been grumpy when she got out of school, but disappeared to her room after a while. She refused to come down for family dinner though, which frankly was just fine with me.
I took the others to some school function so she was home by herself for a number of hours. When we came back she was downstairs and in a much better mood, having fun with her siblings, and things were good.
Until it was time for people to go upstairs to bed, and about half an hour later Ysa decided to play the piano, and I asked her to please not to, since by now her siblings were trying to sleep and frankly I didn't feel like listening to her one piano song over and over either (although I didn't say that, I just used the sleeping excuse). She got really made and rude at me, which is not unusual, but things escalated when Baby Bear came downstairs.
Baby Bear wanted to start playing the piano too and Ysa very aggressively would move her elbows and knees in Baby Bear's direction, not totally hitting her, but very threatening. When I closed the piano and physically sat on the lid (nice to be heavy enough to frustrate the 13yo trying to open the lid (do you even CALL it a lid anyway, alex???)) Ysa got really mad and started screaming, yelling, hitting the walls, kicking the walls, the whole works.
Oh, it wasn't only the piano, she also was mad that I couldn't find my router and there was no internet (I had taken it to the school function and put it down 'somewhere' when I came back and truly had NO idea) She was mad about that too and told me I KNEW where it was and I was just lying and I was always lying and there was much yelling about that too. But she didn't really explode till the piano incident.
Hmmmmm, if things continue like this she is not going to have a choice about counseling. I had been taking a wait and see approach, but I didn't like at all what I was seeing last night.
I took the others to some school function so she was home by herself for a number of hours. When we came back she was downstairs and in a much better mood, having fun with her siblings, and things were good.
Until it was time for people to go upstairs to bed, and about half an hour later Ysa decided to play the piano, and I asked her to please not to, since by now her siblings were trying to sleep and frankly I didn't feel like listening to her one piano song over and over either (although I didn't say that, I just used the sleeping excuse). She got really made and rude at me, which is not unusual, but things escalated when Baby Bear came downstairs.
Baby Bear wanted to start playing the piano too and Ysa very aggressively would move her elbows and knees in Baby Bear's direction, not totally hitting her, but very threatening. When I closed the piano and physically sat on the lid (nice to be heavy enough to frustrate the 13yo trying to open the lid (do you even CALL it a lid anyway, alex???)) Ysa got really mad and started screaming, yelling, hitting the walls, kicking the walls, the whole works.
Oh, it wasn't only the piano, she also was mad that I couldn't find my router and there was no internet (I had taken it to the school function and put it down 'somewhere' when I came back and truly had NO idea) She was mad about that too and told me I KNEW where it was and I was just lying and I was always lying and there was much yelling about that too. But she didn't really explode till the piano incident.
Hmmmmm, if things continue like this she is not going to have a choice about counseling. I had been taking a wait and see approach, but I didn't like at all what I was seeing last night.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Baby Bear
I have been noticing that every day Baby Bear runs into the house after her afternoon kindergarten, drops her backpack and runs to the bathroom.
Today I decided to ask about it.
Baby Bear 'I don't want to use the bathroom at school, I am SCARED!'
I tried to figure out what she is scared of, but I wasn't able to get her to verbalize it. I know at home she likes to keep the bathroom door open and gets all freaked out when Bryan closes it.
Hmmmm, not worried, but monitoring and will give her teacher and guidance counselor a heads up.
Today I decided to ask about it.
Baby Bear 'I don't want to use the bathroom at school, I am SCARED!'
I tried to figure out what she is scared of, but I wasn't able to get her to verbalize it. I know at home she likes to keep the bathroom door open and gets all freaked out when Bryan closes it.
Hmmmm, not worried, but monitoring and will give her teacher and guidance counselor a heads up.
Zac Attendance and Light Box Update
Last Thursday had a hard time at school and was dismissed early (by the school).
Friday made it to school.
This week Monday and Tuesday Zac made it to school.
Today didn't make it.
His father 'Zac was depressed and didn't want to go to school.'
Me 'Oh, too bad, did he talk at all about why not?'
X 'No, he said he was worried, but didn't want to tell what he was worried about.'
Me 'Did he sleep?'
X 'Yes' (although I know I talked to Vincent on the computer at 11pm, so I know there were still at least some computers on then, but not important enough to get into that now)
Me 'Ah. What is he doing now?' (very well knowing that Zac is home and the ex is at work, but hoping that eventually the ex will agree to having some kind of backup plan for when Zac is 'worried and depressed' and is home alone all day)
X 'I don't know. Sleeping I think.'
Me 'I see. Well, let's hope he makes it to school tomorrow.'
X took the lightbox on Friday. I gave him the instructions from the doctor, basically every morning, same time every day, sit in front of it for 20 minutes. Best with eyes open (I had it located right next to the computer) but can be used with eyes closed if eyes open don't work. (Next to his bed maybe?)
Monday I asked about how things were going. X 'Zac hasn't been wanting to use it yet. I don't want to push him, I just want him to encourage him so that he decides on his own to use it.' Good luck! Zac seems Very Determined not to use it but will be interesting to see X try.
Today I asked about the lightbox again. 'No, he still doesn't want to use it?'
Me 'Maybe you can try putting it next to his bed, closed eyes is better than no lightbox at all.'
X 'No, he will just put his head under the blankets and it won't work anyway.'
Ok ^^ I doubt that Zac is going to agree to the lightbox at any time, but at least the lightbox is there now and he has the option. And it is one less thing in my house ^^
Friday made it to school.
This week Monday and Tuesday Zac made it to school.
Today didn't make it.
His father 'Zac was depressed and didn't want to go to school.'
Me 'Oh, too bad, did he talk at all about why not?'
X 'No, he said he was worried, but didn't want to tell what he was worried about.'
Me 'Did he sleep?'
X 'Yes' (although I know I talked to Vincent on the computer at 11pm, so I know there were still at least some computers on then, but not important enough to get into that now)
Me 'Ah. What is he doing now?' (very well knowing that Zac is home and the ex is at work, but hoping that eventually the ex will agree to having some kind of backup plan for when Zac is 'worried and depressed' and is home alone all day)
X 'I don't know. Sleeping I think.'
Me 'I see. Well, let's hope he makes it to school tomorrow.'
X took the lightbox on Friday. I gave him the instructions from the doctor, basically every morning, same time every day, sit in front of it for 20 minutes. Best with eyes open (I had it located right next to the computer) but can be used with eyes closed if eyes open don't work. (Next to his bed maybe?)
Monday I asked about how things were going. X 'Zac hasn't been wanting to use it yet. I don't want to push him, I just want him to encourage him so that he decides on his own to use it.' Good luck! Zac seems Very Determined not to use it but will be interesting to see X try.
Today I asked about the lightbox again. 'No, he still doesn't want to use it?'
Me 'Maybe you can try putting it next to his bed, closed eyes is better than no lightbox at all.'
X 'No, he will just put his head under the blankets and it won't work anyway.'
Ok ^^ I doubt that Zac is going to agree to the lightbox at any time, but at least the lightbox is there now and he has the option. And it is one less thing in my house ^^
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Zac School Meeting
Last week we had yet another meeting at school for Zac. My dissatisfaction with the current placement was put on the table, which got translated by Zac into 'My mom wants to send me to retard school! All the windows are dirty because of the retards licking the windows the whole time!' Zac has been refusing to visit the local program. X also has not visited the local program, even if the team asked him during the last meeting to do so. Both have a totally wrong perception of the program of course, but one can only help people who are open to some kind of help.
The good news is that dr Plato is part of the team now, he will see Zac once a month. Dr Plato is a formidable psychologist and will have very valuable input. I feel that this is the best thing which could have happened to Zac in the current placement.
We talked about the light box and melatonin and proposed Zac starts using them again. Zac flatly refused. Someone asked him 'Why are you against all those suggestions we are making to help you?' He replied 'Because my mother wants me to and she is a control freak.' They reiterated that these suggestions are made by medical people, not by his mom, but he was still being oppositional. This is where the X jumped in, said something about 'Here we are trying to do what is best for you. We can talk in private about strategies to annoy your mother.'
Robin, Zac's high school case manager, told us about the list of five requirements of getting into college which Dr Plato had given to Zac. Zac got upset and didn't want to hear. He told her she could just show them to people on paper, he did not want her to read them out load. At all. He very ostentatiously put his fingers in his ears during this whole part of the meeting.
The world studies class we (including Zac) agreed on last time didn't work out. Zac refused to go and made it clear to them that he 'had missed too much already anyway, so would NEVER be able to catch up.' This means that Zac is not in any mainstream classes now, although he sometimes attends advisory. Zac's take on advisory 'It's ok, sometimes you get candy.' Can we say emotional age being lower than chronological age?
The rest of the day he spends in the resource room with different people. Which he doesn't like. But he also isn't willing to do anything else, so whatever.
We talked about his difficulties falling asleep and about his anxieties. This somehow led to Zac saying that he thought that what he said to dr Hildegaard was private, and should not be shared with anyone. Dr Hildegaard agreed, but said the exception was if there was danger to him or to others. Zac said 'FINE! SHARE it but NOT with my mom! I don't want her to know!' Dr Hildegaard calmly explained that he would have to tell me too, to which Zac replied 'OK, I'll just let my thoughts rot in there then until eventually I do it!' He added 'I will end up a mass murderer.'
Zac will work on social thinking once a week with a speech therapist. He will see dr Plato once a month. The school summarized the current program as 'Zac will have a very unique program instead of SAP (the program for autistic kids).
Dr Hildegaard noted that 'Not only the schol has to change, Zac really has to change his commitment to coming to school.' He also noted something about not only thinking about college as a goal, but also keep independent living in mind.
Zac is supposed to use the lightbox now, and by now the lightbox has moved to X's house and we'll see what happens.
After the meeting Robin (case manager) had a private chat with Zac's psychiatrist and me and expressed her concerns about the 'I will just become a mass murderer!' statement. The psychiatrist confirmed this was concerning and to call the therapy center any time he made statements like that. She also said that she had increased his prozac and he was still on geodon, to help him with his anxieties and his psychotic thinking. They asked X whether Zac ever said things like that at home and X said 'No, not really. Only when I try to make him do something, like going to school.'
Throughout the whole meeting Zac was rude to me, I clearly am the enemy at the moment. I am just happy that dr Plato got involved and that the school seems to be giving him more support for social thinking skills and such, even if they are not willing to pursue other placements. Which would be hard now anyway, since during this meeting Zac's father stated that he does NOT agree with any other placement. The more this develops in the current direction, the happier I am to have made the decision to give up custody to Zac's dad, since I am not confident about long term (and even short term) good outcomes without major interventions.
The good news is that dr Plato is part of the team now, he will see Zac once a month. Dr Plato is a formidable psychologist and will have very valuable input. I feel that this is the best thing which could have happened to Zac in the current placement.
We talked about the light box and melatonin and proposed Zac starts using them again. Zac flatly refused. Someone asked him 'Why are you against all those suggestions we are making to help you?' He replied 'Because my mother wants me to and she is a control freak.' They reiterated that these suggestions are made by medical people, not by his mom, but he was still being oppositional. This is where the X jumped in, said something about 'Here we are trying to do what is best for you. We can talk in private about strategies to annoy your mother.'
Robin, Zac's high school case manager, told us about the list of five requirements of getting into college which Dr Plato had given to Zac. Zac got upset and didn't want to hear. He told her she could just show them to people on paper, he did not want her to read them out load. At all. He very ostentatiously put his fingers in his ears during this whole part of the meeting.
The world studies class we (including Zac) agreed on last time didn't work out. Zac refused to go and made it clear to them that he 'had missed too much already anyway, so would NEVER be able to catch up.' This means that Zac is not in any mainstream classes now, although he sometimes attends advisory. Zac's take on advisory 'It's ok, sometimes you get candy.' Can we say emotional age being lower than chronological age?
The rest of the day he spends in the resource room with different people. Which he doesn't like. But he also isn't willing to do anything else, so whatever.
We talked about his difficulties falling asleep and about his anxieties. This somehow led to Zac saying that he thought that what he said to dr Hildegaard was private, and should not be shared with anyone. Dr Hildegaard agreed, but said the exception was if there was danger to him or to others. Zac said 'FINE! SHARE it but NOT with my mom! I don't want her to know!' Dr Hildegaard calmly explained that he would have to tell me too, to which Zac replied 'OK, I'll just let my thoughts rot in there then until eventually I do it!' He added 'I will end up a mass murderer.'
Zac will work on social thinking once a week with a speech therapist. He will see dr Plato once a month. The school summarized the current program as 'Zac will have a very unique program instead of SAP (the program for autistic kids).
Dr Hildegaard noted that 'Not only the schol has to change, Zac really has to change his commitment to coming to school.' He also noted something about not only thinking about college as a goal, but also keep independent living in mind.
Zac is supposed to use the lightbox now, and by now the lightbox has moved to X's house and we'll see what happens.
After the meeting Robin (case manager) had a private chat with Zac's psychiatrist and me and expressed her concerns about the 'I will just become a mass murderer!' statement. The psychiatrist confirmed this was concerning and to call the therapy center any time he made statements like that. She also said that she had increased his prozac and he was still on geodon, to help him with his anxieties and his psychotic thinking. They asked X whether Zac ever said things like that at home and X said 'No, not really. Only when I try to make him do something, like going to school.'
Throughout the whole meeting Zac was rude to me, I clearly am the enemy at the moment. I am just happy that dr Plato got involved and that the school seems to be giving him more support for social thinking skills and such, even if they are not willing to pursue other placements. Which would be hard now anyway, since during this meeting Zac's father stated that he does NOT agree with any other placement. The more this develops in the current direction, the happier I am to have made the decision to give up custody to Zac's dad, since I am not confident about long term (and even short term) good outcomes without major interventions.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Proud at Ysa
Last night there was a dance at the junior high school. Ysa had been doubtful about it 'I don't think I want to go. It would be so much more fun to go with someone else. And I don't know what to wear.' Many reasons not to go.
But on Friday she came home and had changed her mind 'I will go, almost everyone is going.' I still could tell that she was a bit anxious about it, but she clearly was willing to work past her inhibitions and jump into this new social happening. When I dropped her off, there still was some hesitation in her.
I was very happy to pick her up two hours later and she was all bubbly and happy 'I had such a good time! I just walked around for like ten minutes and then more and more people started dancing and I joined in and it was really cool. I am tired now, but I am also feeling very energetic'
I am so glad and proud that she managed to overcome her 'I don't really want to go' feelings, went and had a wonderful time! Very encouraging.
But on Friday she came home and had changed her mind 'I will go, almost everyone is going.' I still could tell that she was a bit anxious about it, but she clearly was willing to work past her inhibitions and jump into this new social happening. When I dropped her off, there still was some hesitation in her.
I was very happy to pick her up two hours later and she was all bubbly and happy 'I had such a good time! I just walked around for like ten minutes and then more and more people started dancing and I joined in and it was really cool. I am tired now, but I am also feeling very energetic'
I am so glad and proud that she managed to overcome her 'I don't really want to go' feelings, went and had a wonderful time! Very encouraging.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Meeting with Dr Plato
Dr Plato pointed out a lot of differences between Zac and me.
I agreed with his assessment on those differences and he moved on to the fact that Zac moving out of the house into X's house benefits the other kids, which in a roundabout way benefits Zac again. Which made me feel less guilty for 'abandoning' Zac, which I know is a nonsense concept anyway.
He did mention Zac's hostility against me and he verbalized it as in 'It is almost like Zac divorced you after you and X got divorced.' He also did mention that he felt that X's mind and Zac's mind are much closer than Zac's mind and my mind. He told me he was going to meet with X too and said 'I can't wait to meet him and see whether I am right.'
Interesting comment about my marriage 'Frankly, I don't even understand how you two lasted this long together, you are so different.' I told him that it was my determination to make the marriage work which made it last this long. I wasn't going to have a divorce.
He felt that with Zac's low energy, he would be able to do a lot less in a day than a 'typical kid' could tolerate. Maybe community college at night and school starting later during the day. A lot of Zac's energy is used on anger and anxiety.
Dr Plato had met with Zac already and heard Zac's view on his future, which dr Plato described as grandiose. To probe Zac's commitment to going to college and getting friends (two goals Zac stated to him) dr Plato described to Zac what he would need to get into college and to get scholarships.
Dr Plato gave him this list so that Zac can think about these and start working on accomplishing them if he does want to go to college. He said that Zac seemed stressed about it, both during the meeting and his teachers later commented on a higher level of stress in him.
Yesterday during the school meeting Zac TOTALLY refused to discuss any of those points. He was rude and said he didn't want to hear it. When the vice principal put a stop to the rudeness, he put his fingers in his ears so that he didn't have to listen to his case manager reading these 'steps to college' to the group. Halfway he took his fingers from his ears, asked 'Are you done yet?!' and put them back in when she said 'No, not yet.' Good example showing his 'problem avoidance' behaviour'.
Anyway, I suspect Dr Plato got involved thanks to my letter to school asking for different placement. I am thrilled to have him on Zac's team. In this meeting he still was at 'information gathering mode' and he was going to talk to the ex, Zac's therapist, Zac's teachers and everyone involved and then will give his recommendations.
He doubts that Zac will be able to live independently given the limitations of his mind. He already gave me a preview of that concept last year, so it did not come as a total shock, although it is a problem I would rather avoid. I quote from a meeting last year "The psychologist also mentioned that he would most likely live at home for many many years to come. Yesterday so many dreams of 'normalcy' were shattered for me. It is not like I didn't know that things were very bad, but somehow yesterday made it hit home harder than it had before."
The dreams already were shattered and now it's time to look at the reality and try to help Zac live up to his highest potential. The good thing is that the ex wants custody and he will be the one who will have to deal with a grownup Zac if he indeed isn't able to live on his own. Maybe it's the best outcome for both and that would be just fine.
- Zac is detail oriented. I am more a Gestalt thinker, more big picture oriented.
- Zac's reaction to a problem is to avoid it. He doesn't have very good problem solving ablities. My reaction to a problem is solving it and I am good at that.
- Zac is very low energy. I am high energy.
- Zac has a very narrow range of interests. I have a very wide range of interests.
- Zac's gives up very easily if there is any obstacle in his way. I am very determined to get where I want regardless of obstacles.
I agreed with his assessment on those differences and he moved on to the fact that Zac moving out of the house into X's house benefits the other kids, which in a roundabout way benefits Zac again. Which made me feel less guilty for 'abandoning' Zac, which I know is a nonsense concept anyway.
He did mention Zac's hostility against me and he verbalized it as in 'It is almost like Zac divorced you after you and X got divorced.' He also did mention that he felt that X's mind and Zac's mind are much closer than Zac's mind and my mind. He told me he was going to meet with X too and said 'I can't wait to meet him and see whether I am right.'
Interesting comment about my marriage 'Frankly, I don't even understand how you two lasted this long together, you are so different.' I told him that it was my determination to make the marriage work which made it last this long. I wasn't going to have a divorce.
He felt that with Zac's low energy, he would be able to do a lot less in a day than a 'typical kid' could tolerate. Maybe community college at night and school starting later during the day. A lot of Zac's energy is used on anger and anxiety.
Dr Plato had met with Zac already and heard Zac's view on his future, which dr Plato described as grandiose. To probe Zac's commitment to going to college and getting friends (two goals Zac stated to him) dr Plato described to Zac what he would need to get into college and to get scholarships.
- A good GPA. Zac immediately said that his GPA sucked, but dr Plato pointed out he could increase it over the next two years and that colleges do give weight to the fact that it improved during the high school years.
- Good SAT Scores. Which can be improved by taking a course.
- A personal statement not only showing that you are intelligent, since 'everyone' who goes to college is intelligent. It should show your leadership abilities, it should show a passion.
- Two letters of recommendation.
- Extracurricular activities.
Dr Plato gave him this list so that Zac can think about these and start working on accomplishing them if he does want to go to college. He said that Zac seemed stressed about it, both during the meeting and his teachers later commented on a higher level of stress in him.
Yesterday during the school meeting Zac TOTALLY refused to discuss any of those points. He was rude and said he didn't want to hear it. When the vice principal put a stop to the rudeness, he put his fingers in his ears so that he didn't have to listen to his case manager reading these 'steps to college' to the group. Halfway he took his fingers from his ears, asked 'Are you done yet?!' and put them back in when she said 'No, not yet.' Good example showing his 'problem avoidance' behaviour'.
Anyway, I suspect Dr Plato got involved thanks to my letter to school asking for different placement. I am thrilled to have him on Zac's team. In this meeting he still was at 'information gathering mode' and he was going to talk to the ex, Zac's therapist, Zac's teachers and everyone involved and then will give his recommendations.
He doubts that Zac will be able to live independently given the limitations of his mind. He already gave me a preview of that concept last year, so it did not come as a total shock, although it is a problem I would rather avoid. I quote from a meeting last year "The psychologist also mentioned that he would most likely live at home for many many years to come. Yesterday so many dreams of 'normalcy' were shattered for me. It is not like I didn't know that things were very bad, but somehow yesterday made it hit home harder than it had before."
The dreams already were shattered and now it's time to look at the reality and try to help Zac live up to his highest potential. The good thing is that the ex wants custody and he will be the one who will have to deal with a grownup Zac if he indeed isn't able to live on his own. Maybe it's the best outcome for both and that would be just fine.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Fully Functioning Adult
Monday night, I got a phone call from our local Big Wig psychologist, Dr Plato. He told me 'I talked to Zac and I would like to meet with you to talk about him. Could you meet me in my office at 10am tomorrow morning?' That was easy of course. I mentally checked my morning, knew there were no appointments, knew that I just had to find someone to watch Baby Bear, but that shouldn't be too hard. And I was really
curious to hear what he had been talking about with Zac and how he felt Zac was doing. Every time I talk to him, I come home with valuable insights in Zac, myself and our family situation, so I jumped at the chance of meeting with him.
There were many fascinating aspects to the conversation which will morph into posts once I have verbalized them more clearly, but for now I am posting about one specific aspect of the meeting.
Early in the meeting, he asked me 'So what do you want for Zac? What is your vision for his future?' That was easy. I use the words all the time, so I replied 'Well, I want him to be a fully functioning adult. Being able to hold down a job. Have friends.'
Sounds good, doesn't it? Only instead of just noting it and going on with the discussion, Dr Plato challenged me. 'Hmmm, a fully functioning adult. How would you define that?' and I realized that I never had. I never sat down and thought about what EXACTLY I wanted for Zac beyond the easy term 'fully functioning adult.' I mean, I know that I want him to be happy and successful and wonderful and fullfilled and surrounded by wonderful people, but all those are vague terms and I
never verbalized closer beyond those vague dreams and hopes which aren't very realistic in the first place. I have been bogged down into details and into crisis management too much and haven't looked at the big picture as I should.
I bought myself some time with 'That is a good question' and after some reflection did a reasonable job of specifying more by saying 'Someone who does things which bring him pleasure and satisfaction. Someone who is able to maintain his own household, hold down a job. Someone who has friends.' It was amazing how hard it was on the spot to come up with the right words and concepts. While I was talking I was thinking 'Are friends necessary for being fully functional? I think not, but they are helpful.'
I have been thinking about it since and been talking to friends and briefly touched on it when I saw our family therapist. My friends had a bunch of additions, and also talked about basic biological needs (food, shelter, sex???? ^^)
I pondered 'Is happiness a part of being a fully functioning adult?' and have decided that it is not. I know people who are not happy, but fully function in society and in their own life. Who are angry and unhappy. But could I call them not functional? Not really.
Is a fully functioning adult an 'ideal' fully functioning adult or can we just
be 'good enough' fully functioning adults or even barely functioning adults? Of course good enough seems just fine. Looking back and after hearing feedback, I might have list of goals (maintain a place to live, buy / cook food, find / keep a job, pay bills, do laundry, etc) instead of a catch-all phrase of fully functioning adult.
A list of independent living skills to master would be helpful for the transition into adulthood. The life skills most of us learn on our own, just by watching other people or figuring it out, but which might not come as easily to people with Aspergers unless they get help acquiring them.
curious to hear what he had been talking about with Zac and how he felt Zac was doing. Every time I talk to him, I come home with valuable insights in Zac, myself and our family situation, so I jumped at the chance of meeting with him.
There were many fascinating aspects to the conversation which will morph into posts once I have verbalized them more clearly, but for now I am posting about one specific aspect of the meeting.
Early in the meeting, he asked me 'So what do you want for Zac? What is your vision for his future?' That was easy. I use the words all the time, so I replied 'Well, I want him to be a fully functioning adult. Being able to hold down a job. Have friends.'
Sounds good, doesn't it? Only instead of just noting it and going on with the discussion, Dr Plato challenged me. 'Hmmm, a fully functioning adult. How would you define that?' and I realized that I never had. I never sat down and thought about what EXACTLY I wanted for Zac beyond the easy term 'fully functioning adult.' I mean, I know that I want him to be happy and successful and wonderful and fullfilled and surrounded by wonderful people, but all those are vague terms and I
never verbalized closer beyond those vague dreams and hopes which aren't very realistic in the first place. I have been bogged down into details and into crisis management too much and haven't looked at the big picture as I should.
I bought myself some time with 'That is a good question' and after some reflection did a reasonable job of specifying more by saying 'Someone who does things which bring him pleasure and satisfaction. Someone who is able to maintain his own household, hold down a job. Someone who has friends.' It was amazing how hard it was on the spot to come up with the right words and concepts. While I was talking I was thinking 'Are friends necessary for being fully functional? I think not, but they are helpful.'
I have been thinking about it since and been talking to friends and briefly touched on it when I saw our family therapist. My friends had a bunch of additions, and also talked about basic biological needs (food, shelter, sex???? ^^)
I pondered 'Is happiness a part of being a fully functioning adult?' and have decided that it is not. I know people who are not happy, but fully function in society and in their own life. Who are angry and unhappy. But could I call them not functional? Not really.
Is a fully functioning adult an 'ideal' fully functioning adult or can we just
be 'good enough' fully functioning adults or even barely functioning adults? Of course good enough seems just fine. Looking back and after hearing feedback, I might have list of goals (maintain a place to live, buy / cook food, find / keep a job, pay bills, do laundry, etc) instead of a catch-all phrase of fully functioning adult.
A list of independent living skills to master would be helpful for the transition into adulthood. The life skills most of us learn on our own, just by watching other people or figuring it out, but which might not come as easily to people with Aspergers unless they get help acquiring them.
Teen Girl Funny
Yesterday, Violet wasn't feeling well and ended up staying home from school with a stomach ache. When Ysa came home from school and found out about it, she was Very Pissed. 'VIOLET isn't sick! She is just pretending! She just went to sleep late! *I* have been sick through yesterday and today. *I* have a sore throat! *I* am sniffling! *I* am really sick! If she isn't going to school tomorrow, *I* am not going to school either!' Rinse and repeat a bunch of times.
I calmly suggested 'If you are not feeling well, what about you go to bed and take a nice nap.' She looked at me with that look that has been perfected by teen girls all over the world and said disdainfully 'No! That would ruin my MAKEUP!'
I calmly suggested 'If you are not feeling well, what about you go to bed and take a nice nap.' She looked at me with that look that has been perfected by teen girls all over the world and said disdainfully 'No! That would ruin my MAKEUP!'
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Zac School
Zac made it to school on Monday. Not on Tuesday. The ex's theory 'He was couldn't fall asleep because he was so worried about making it to school in time.' Yeah, whatever.
Decision: Made
After much soul searching and tons of talking and shitloads of going around in vicious circles, I made my decision. Or maybe I made it a few weeks ago, when I came home from my lawyer and was sitting in my car with my friend and verbalized the hard truth about maybe this fight not being worth it. Not leading to anything good. And costing a darned lot of money and energy which could be used much better in other ways. Still it took me a while to look at it from many different angles, throw it in the group, verbalize pros and cons and play devil's advocate with myself.
But there is much clarity to me that this is the decision which will benefit the highest number of people, including Zac. I am not going to fight this physical custody fight about the boys. If he wants it, he can have it, and realize he might have had to be more careful about what he prayed for, because it has been given to him.
Thanks all for the feedback. All of you have contributed to greater understanding of the situation and have helped me make the right decision. And I find myself almost more relieved than sad. There is mourning and sadness, but there also is a HUGE sigh of relief. A sigh which almost makes me feel guilty, but which also confirms that this is the right decision for me.
I still will have shared legal custody, but I won't have to deal with the physical crap of getting him up in the morning. Or getting him to sleep at night. I don't have to be super vigilant about him and Bryan at my house. I don't have to deal with passive aggressive and outright aggressive behavior and talk. I will still be involved in his life and work on my relationship with him, but the ex can have the day to day struggles and choke on them, I mean, deal with them. Yes, there still is a bit of resentment, but it is much tempered by humor and relief.
I still want my child support money though, but that is a different fight and most likely much easier to win than the custody one. And if I lose... the perspective of 'I would happily have paid $850 per month for someone to have gotten rid of my teenagers' from someone who has a twenty-something kid in severe trouble (started in his teens) is interesting to say the least. And thought provoking.
I feel tons lighter and will work on 5,000 other things now.
But there is much clarity to me that this is the decision which will benefit the highest number of people, including Zac. I am not going to fight this physical custody fight about the boys. If he wants it, he can have it, and realize he might have had to be more careful about what he prayed for, because it has been given to him.
Thanks all for the feedback. All of you have contributed to greater understanding of the situation and have helped me make the right decision. And I find myself almost more relieved than sad. There is mourning and sadness, but there also is a HUGE sigh of relief. A sigh which almost makes me feel guilty, but which also confirms that this is the right decision for me.
I still will have shared legal custody, but I won't have to deal with the physical crap of getting him up in the morning. Or getting him to sleep at night. I don't have to be super vigilant about him and Bryan at my house. I don't have to deal with passive aggressive and outright aggressive behavior and talk. I will still be involved in his life and work on my relationship with him, but the ex can have the day to day struggles and choke on them, I mean, deal with them. Yes, there still is a bit of resentment, but it is much tempered by humor and relief.
I still want my child support money though, but that is a different fight and most likely much easier to win than the custody one. And if I lose... the perspective of 'I would happily have paid $850 per month for someone to have gotten rid of my teenagers' from someone who has a twenty-something kid in severe trouble (started in his teens) is interesting to say the least. And thought provoking.
I feel tons lighter and will work on 5,000 other things now.
Friday, October 9, 2009
It is the College Classes
Talked to the ex 'Zac doesn't come home from community college till 9pm on Thursday night and that is why he couldn't get up today.' I see... So maybe signing him up for these classes while he was adjusting to the new school schedule wasn't the brightest thing to do, was it. Don't worry, I didn't say that, I just thought it.
And again he can only have a few young ones at a time to protect Zac and it is such a relief that it's not my problem this weekend, since I have a good baby sitter here and when they are gone, they will be gone and when they are not, they'll have a wonderful time with the babysitter. Not to mention that Penny is going to stay over at a friend's house and I am just going to go AWAY from it all for a few days!
Respite care ROCKS!
And again he can only have a few young ones at a time to protect Zac and it is such a relief that it's not my problem this weekend, since I have a good baby sitter here and when they are gone, they will be gone and when they are not, they'll have a wonderful time with the babysitter. Not to mention that Penny is going to stay over at a friend's house and I am just going to go AWAY from it all for a few days!
Respite care ROCKS!
And Yet Another Day of Truancy
Attendance officer called: 'Zac isn't in today. His dad said he couldn't get him out of bed.'
I have tried calling the ex, but no answer at work or at home. Maybe will find out more later, but it seems harder and harder for him to state that things are going so well, but then I am shifting my fight anyway I think towards residential / local day program, so who knows.
For now I am going to pack clean underwear and go away for the weekend to have some breathing space and time. I love respite care!
I have tried calling the ex, but no answer at work or at home. Maybe will find out more later, but it seems harder and harder for him to state that things are going so well, but then I am shifting my fight anyway I think towards residential / local day program, so who knows.
For now I am going to pack clean underwear and go away for the weekend to have some breathing space and time. I love respite care!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
School meeting Zac
This was a few weeks ago, but I never got around to posting about it.
Attendants: Dad, Zac's case manager at school, Zac's case manager from counseling center, Zac, Dr Hildegaard school psychologist, my parent advocate, the assistant principal and me.
The assistant principal asked Zac how things were going and he stated 'Good! Now can I go?'
She replied that she felt things weren't going so well 'Geography was not working for him and attendance was bumpy.'
We decided to drop geography and do world studies instead. Of course there were complications because that was the period he used to do English, so the plan was World Studies in class room and English in resource room. Those are the only two subjects left. They also will help him with homework for school and community college in the resource room during the other hours. His schedule now is pickup at 9am, school till 1:30pm. One of those periods is in mainstream class room, the rest in resource room.
She offered him an art class as an other option, but 'he doesn't feel like art.'
Dr Hildegaard said it was positive that Zac eats lunch in the cafetaria with his brother Vincent.
His high school case manager offered that she felt it was important for him to be in at least one class room with other kids, because historically he did well in situations like that. He grudgingly agreed to try world studies (note from the future: from his online info it looks like they dropped world studies now, so he would not be in any main stream class rooms anymore). The world studies class room is a small one, with less than 10 students.
If he comes in late, he now is required to stay till 3:30 (Another interesting note from the future, he hasn't been late since, although he has missed a number of full days)
After Zac left, my parent advocate brought up the SAP program and I brought up my concern about his mental health. The plan is that Zac's father is going to visit the program (hasn't happened yet as far as I know) and that the school psychologist will work on talking to Zac about it so he also will be willing to visit. I don't have much confidence in either, but we will see. I feel it is the best local program for him, but I also don't think his dad and Zac will agree. His dad will say 'Oh no, Zac is doing so well!' and Zac will say 'I don't feel like it.' But that is negative thinking, I am going to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Today I am sending out a letter to school to request alternative placement (which means SAP or residential) Next week we have a meeting about all this. I know I am giving this my best effort, let's hope it is going to be enough.
Attendants: Dad, Zac's case manager at school, Zac's case manager from counseling center, Zac, Dr Hildegaard school psychologist, my parent advocate, the assistant principal and me.
The assistant principal asked Zac how things were going and he stated 'Good! Now can I go?'
She replied that she felt things weren't going so well 'Geography was not working for him and attendance was bumpy.'
We decided to drop geography and do world studies instead. Of course there were complications because that was the period he used to do English, so the plan was World Studies in class room and English in resource room. Those are the only two subjects left. They also will help him with homework for school and community college in the resource room during the other hours. His schedule now is pickup at 9am, school till 1:30pm. One of those periods is in mainstream class room, the rest in resource room.
She offered him an art class as an other option, but 'he doesn't feel like art.'
Dr Hildegaard said it was positive that Zac eats lunch in the cafetaria with his brother Vincent.
His high school case manager offered that she felt it was important for him to be in at least one class room with other kids, because historically he did well in situations like that. He grudgingly agreed to try world studies (note from the future: from his online info it looks like they dropped world studies now, so he would not be in any main stream class rooms anymore). The world studies class room is a small one, with less than 10 students.
If he comes in late, he now is required to stay till 3:30 (Another interesting note from the future, he hasn't been late since, although he has missed a number of full days)
After Zac left, my parent advocate brought up the SAP program and I brought up my concern about his mental health. The plan is that Zac's father is going to visit the program (hasn't happened yet as far as I know) and that the school psychologist will work on talking to Zac about it so he also will be willing to visit. I don't have much confidence in either, but we will see. I feel it is the best local program for him, but I also don't think his dad and Zac will agree. His dad will say 'Oh no, Zac is doing so well!' and Zac will say 'I don't feel like it.' But that is negative thinking, I am going to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Today I am sending out a letter to school to request alternative placement (which means SAP or residential) Next week we have a meeting about all this. I know I am giving this my best effort, let's hope it is going to be enough.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Zac
Me, not wanting to call the ex, but knowing I have to 'How did the boys do today?'
X 'Vincent made it to school just fine, but Zac is home.'
Me 'Oh? How come?'
X 'He was too stressed from court and I think that it was hard because he had class at the community college last night.'
Me 'I see. So what is he doing now?'
X 'Oh, I don't know, relaxing I think. I am sure he will feel better tomorrow and go to school again.'
Me, in my mind 'ARGH!!!' while politely ending the call.
The school has it marked as an excused absense, so working on getting it changed to an unexcused one, since that will be better long term if I decide to pursue CHINS again and for a bunch of other reasons. Including the vice principal telling him and X that every absence from now on will be unexcused.
Two more things wrong with this picture:
1. How does ZAC get stressed out from court if the ex is the one who was in it???? I know none of the kids at my house is very closely aware of my court schedules, it seems more than they should be expected to handle. The court date was during Zac's school hours, so I dont' know why the ex even told. I guess one of my kids was aware because I had to get a baby sitter for Baby Bear, but I made it a matter-of-fact 'today M will come to take care of you' and no big 'Your mom has to go to court and it is sooooooo stressful and it is all because of your dad!' and yes, I am frustrated still :p
2. X unilaterally signed up Zac for the night time community college courses, even although I felt that it would be better to get used to the new school daytime schedule first. And now it's being used as an excuse not to go to school????!!!!
Anyway, another day missed and another day the ex for sure will say 'Zac is doing so well!'
X 'Vincent made it to school just fine, but Zac is home.'
Me 'Oh? How come?'
X 'He was too stressed from court and I think that it was hard because he had class at the community college last night.'
Me 'I see. So what is he doing now?'
X 'Oh, I don't know, relaxing I think. I am sure he will feel better tomorrow and go to school again.'
Me, in my mind 'ARGH!!!' while politely ending the call.
The school has it marked as an excused absense, so working on getting it changed to an unexcused one, since that will be better long term if I decide to pursue CHINS again and for a bunch of other reasons. Including the vice principal telling him and X that every absence from now on will be unexcused.
Two more things wrong with this picture:
1. How does ZAC get stressed out from court if the ex is the one who was in it???? I know none of the kids at my house is very closely aware of my court schedules, it seems more than they should be expected to handle. The court date was during Zac's school hours, so I dont' know why the ex even told. I guess one of my kids was aware because I had to get a baby sitter for Baby Bear, but I made it a matter-of-fact 'today M will come to take care of you' and no big 'Your mom has to go to court and it is sooooooo stressful and it is all because of your dad!' and yes, I am frustrated still :p
2. X unilaterally signed up Zac for the night time community college courses, even although I felt that it would be better to get used to the new school daytime schedule first. And now it's being used as an excuse not to go to school????!!!!
Anyway, another day missed and another day the ex for sure will say 'Zac is doing so well!'
History of Custody Battle
I wrote this to help me verbalize my range of feelings through all this:
Phase 1: In the beginning, life was so easy. The divorce was over. The kids lived with me. It was vacation. We were looking for a house. Quite idyllic.
Phase 2: He took the boys and didn't return them, but I knew that the court system was on my side for this. Yes, it was going to take time and stress and money, but for many moral and ethical reasons, I would get the boys back and he would have to pay all my lawyer fees. And at least he had to try to get Zac out of bed for school now and Bryan had some time off from Zac at my house (although things got a lot worse for Bryan at
the ex's house) And it was so clear to me that he only filed for custody so he could reduce child support by $850 a month. No way the judge would let him get away with that.
Phase 3: I went to the police after confirming that what the ex did was a misdemeanor and I knew the law would be on my side. Only for all practical purposes it wasn't.
Phase 4: I talked to my lawyer and she used the words uphill battle a lot and she gave me a 60/40 chance of winning this case. She also helped me realize that filing for contempt of court basically means he will get a wrist slap and the occurence is on file at the court, nothing will ever actually HAPPEN the first time. Not to mention that
the court almost never will require the other party to pay these lawyer fees. Which had been my one consolation 'Well, even if I lose, he will at least have to pay my lawyer fees and at least I will have the childish satisfaction of him having to pay for my lawyer. And it was all his fault anyway, so it only is fair.' Only fairness isn't a
word which seems to mean what we think it means when we talk about court.
Phase 5: I will have to think long and hard and weigh all the money issues against all the stress and possible benefits issues. And I have NO idea what is the right road, although I am strongly suspecting that it might not be this one.
Phase 6: In the future, I will make my decision and accept that I did the best I could, even if it turns out to be the wrong decision. It's called live and learn.
Phase 1: In the beginning, life was so easy. The divorce was over. The kids lived with me. It was vacation. We were looking for a house. Quite idyllic.
Phase 2: He took the boys and didn't return them, but I knew that the court system was on my side for this. Yes, it was going to take time and stress and money, but for many moral and ethical reasons, I would get the boys back and he would have to pay all my lawyer fees. And at least he had to try to get Zac out of bed for school now and Bryan had some time off from Zac at my house (although things got a lot worse for Bryan at
the ex's house) And it was so clear to me that he only filed for custody so he could reduce child support by $850 a month. No way the judge would let him get away with that.
Phase 3: I went to the police after confirming that what the ex did was a misdemeanor and I knew the law would be on my side. Only for all practical purposes it wasn't.
Phase 4: I talked to my lawyer and she used the words uphill battle a lot and she gave me a 60/40 chance of winning this case. She also helped me realize that filing for contempt of court basically means he will get a wrist slap and the occurence is on file at the court, nothing will ever actually HAPPEN the first time. Not to mention that
the court almost never will require the other party to pay these lawyer fees. Which had been my one consolation 'Well, even if I lose, he will at least have to pay my lawyer fees and at least I will have the childish satisfaction of him having to pay for my lawyer. And it was all his fault anyway, so it only is fair.' Only fairness isn't a
word which seems to mean what we think it means when we talk about court.
Phase 5: I will have to think long and hard and weigh all the money issues against all the stress and possible benefits issues. And I have NO idea what is the right road, although I am strongly suspecting that it might not be this one.
Phase 6: In the future, I will make my decision and accept that I did the best I could, even if it turns out to be the wrong decision. It's called live and learn.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Baby Bear Funny
Baby Bear 'I like Violet, she is a teenager, but she hasn't lost her mind yet.'
Me 'Lost her mind?'
Baby Bear 'Yeah, like Ysa. All teenager lose their mind.' after a moment's thought clarifying 'You know, when I say losing her mind I mean becoming all snotty and such. Violet isn't snotty yet, she is nice!'
Interesting perspective 'All teens lose their mind.' I guess it is not much different from what a friend of me told me ten years ago before Vincent even was close to being a teen. 'When boys turn teens, all their brains get poured out into a bucket and they lose all common sense and become very dumb for a while. Slowly the bucket gets emptied back into their heads, and they turn into reasonable creatures again.'
I just had not expected to hear the same point of view from the mouth of a 5yo.
Me 'Lost her mind?'
Baby Bear 'Yeah, like Ysa. All teenager lose their mind.' after a moment's thought clarifying 'You know, when I say losing her mind I mean becoming all snotty and such. Violet isn't snotty yet, she is nice!'
Interesting perspective 'All teens lose their mind.' I guess it is not much different from what a friend of me told me ten years ago before Vincent even was close to being a teen. 'When boys turn teens, all their brains get poured out into a bucket and they lose all common sense and become very dumb for a while. Slowly the bucket gets emptied back into their heads, and they turn into reasonable creatures again.'
I just had not expected to hear the same point of view from the mouth of a 5yo.
Court Today
Today we had a scheduling conference for the custody issues.
Best summary is 'Not much happened.'
Before the conference my attorney told me that a good Guardian ad Litem has agreed to take our case, which means a $1,000 retainer and $175 an hour for her services. Presumably this would be shared, although we have filed for him to pay, but unlikely that the judge will grant that. Even if I think that 'HE started it all why do *I* have to end up paying this???' I realize that that thinking pattern doesn't adhere to the reality of the court system.
When it was time for the hearing, the judge came in and asked whether we could solve it in mediation. My attorney explained that there didn't seem to be room for mediation since he wants them to live with him and I want them to live with me. Although she did point out that there might be room for negotiation on Vincent, but he is almost 18 anyway and is planning on dropping out of school and emancipating himself soon. The judge did say that until he dropped out of school he was still subject to this order.
Then we talked about Zac and the judge remembered that we had a CHINS (child in need of services) petition going on for him in March. My lawyer confirmed that and said that there are mental health needs for Zac and that I felt he was better off at my house. She also casually mentioned that there are truancy issues again and that we don't know yet what we'll do with that. But I thought that was a smart way of saying that the ex can't get him to school either.
The judge noted that the current order was the standing order, which my lawyer later translated as 'the boys should be home', but who knows whether the ex will agree with that. She also has told his lawyer that it would help for 'good faith trying to get them back' to turn off the computers. I don't think he will go for that either. We'll see.
He asked whether there was need for any discovery and we both agreed that there wasn't. He also noted that we filed a motion to dismiss, but didn't comment on that beyond noting it. I don't think he will dismiss it. When he dismissed Zac's CHINS petition he did it right away in the court room.
The ex filed a new parenting plan basically saying 'I have the two boys, she has the five other kids, and all visits will be mutually agreed upon.' I don't think the judge is going to approve that one.
I told my lawyer about Penny's complaints about this weekend 'Zac was so stressed so we had to be quiet' and she said 'It is not good how he plays the kids against each other, even if he wants them to be quiet for Zac, he just should tell them to be quiet and enforce it, not put the 'blame' on Zac.' Yeah, seems correct.
One good thing, after the hearing, my lawyer asked his lawyer about the wage assigment again and he was there and explained he didn't want to do it till this all was over. Both lawyers agreed that that wasn't acceptable and it was in the court order and he should do it NOW and change it later if needed. So maybe that will finally happen.
Now in the big picture of things, this was a small and insignicant hearing, but I am surprised how much stress it generates for me. Seriously stressful. I was impatient with Baby Bear this morning when she dropped something and I had a hard time dealing with the whole court stress for at least a week and I am not amused by how much this all is impacting my life. More than I feel it should. Makes me wonder whether this is worth all the money and stress, but I am not ready to make hard decisions yet. It is going through my mind though. I would almost think that putting my energy into trying to get Zac residential placement would be more effective in the long run, since I fully believe that that is what he needs. My house isn't ideal for him either, even if it's a lot more structured than the ex's house.
Best summary is 'Not much happened.'
Before the conference my attorney told me that a good Guardian ad Litem has agreed to take our case, which means a $1,000 retainer and $175 an hour for her services. Presumably this would be shared, although we have filed for him to pay, but unlikely that the judge will grant that. Even if I think that 'HE started it all why do *I* have to end up paying this???' I realize that that thinking pattern doesn't adhere to the reality of the court system.
When it was time for the hearing, the judge came in and asked whether we could solve it in mediation. My attorney explained that there didn't seem to be room for mediation since he wants them to live with him and I want them to live with me. Although she did point out that there might be room for negotiation on Vincent, but he is almost 18 anyway and is planning on dropping out of school and emancipating himself soon. The judge did say that until he dropped out of school he was still subject to this order.
Then we talked about Zac and the judge remembered that we had a CHINS (child in need of services) petition going on for him in March. My lawyer confirmed that and said that there are mental health needs for Zac and that I felt he was better off at my house. She also casually mentioned that there are truancy issues again and that we don't know yet what we'll do with that. But I thought that was a smart way of saying that the ex can't get him to school either.
The judge noted that the current order was the standing order, which my lawyer later translated as 'the boys should be home', but who knows whether the ex will agree with that. She also has told his lawyer that it would help for 'good faith trying to get them back' to turn off the computers. I don't think he will go for that either. We'll see.
He asked whether there was need for any discovery and we both agreed that there wasn't. He also noted that we filed a motion to dismiss, but didn't comment on that beyond noting it. I don't think he will dismiss it. When he dismissed Zac's CHINS petition he did it right away in the court room.
The ex filed a new parenting plan basically saying 'I have the two boys, she has the five other kids, and all visits will be mutually agreed upon.' I don't think the judge is going to approve that one.
I told my lawyer about Penny's complaints about this weekend 'Zac was so stressed so we had to be quiet' and she said 'It is not good how he plays the kids against each other, even if he wants them to be quiet for Zac, he just should tell them to be quiet and enforce it, not put the 'blame' on Zac.' Yeah, seems correct.
One good thing, after the hearing, my lawyer asked his lawyer about the wage assigment again and he was there and explained he didn't want to do it till this all was over. Both lawyers agreed that that wasn't acceptable and it was in the court order and he should do it NOW and change it later if needed. So maybe that will finally happen.
Now in the big picture of things, this was a small and insignicant hearing, but I am surprised how much stress it generates for me. Seriously stressful. I was impatient with Baby Bear this morning when she dropped something and I had a hard time dealing with the whole court stress for at least a week and I am not amused by how much this all is impacting my life. More than I feel it should. Makes me wonder whether this is worth all the money and stress, but I am not ready to make hard decisions yet. It is going through my mind though. I would almost think that putting my energy into trying to get Zac residential placement would be more effective in the long run, since I fully believe that that is what he needs. My house isn't ideal for him either, even if it's a lot more structured than the ex's house.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Baby Bear and Bryan
The same guidance counselor is setting up groups for kids dealing with 'changing families' like going through divorce and such. I finally talked to her today (after playing phone tag for four days) and she asked whether it would be ok to have Baby Bear join one of those groups too. Baby Bear will be in a group with first graders, which should be fine for her, she is very verbal and very used to being with older kids. Her teacher already gave her go-ahead to the guidance counselor, so all they still needed was my permission.
Another group is starting up for Bryan's grade level, but it is all girls (4 or 5 I think?) and Bryan would be the only boy. She asked whether that would bother him, but I told her that he should be ok, since he isn't at the age yet when it matters (8yo) and he has four sisters, so is surrounded by girl energy anyway. If only he was a teenager, and could hang out with five cute 16yo girls in a group like that :D
I am happy that both will be participating in those support groups to share their experiences with peers and work through things with the guidance counselor.
Another group is starting up for Bryan's grade level, but it is all girls (4 or 5 I think?) and Bryan would be the only boy. She asked whether that would bother him, but I told her that he should be ok, since he isn't at the age yet when it matters (8yo) and he has four sisters, so is surrounded by girl energy anyway. If only he was a teenager, and could hang out with five cute 16yo girls in a group like that :D
I am happy that both will be participating in those support groups to share their experiences with peers and work through things with the guidance counselor.
Today I Learned how to Lie!
Funny school episode for Bryan.
He came home from school and told me 'Today was so cool! I got to participate in a group with the guidance counselor and we learned how to lie! We had to write down three statement of which only one was a lie and the other two were true and no one at first believed that I really had that many siblings! Instead they thought I didn't like ice cream!'
Seemed like he had a great time learning how to lie... It was cool to see him so enthusiastic.
As background, the guidance counselor had sent home a list of groups she was forming and I had put a mark at 'social skills group' for Bryan. This was the first week of said social skills group. They actually also talked about when lies are ok, I think they mostly went into the 'social white lies'.
Important skills to learn ^^.
He came home from school and told me 'Today was so cool! I got to participate in a group with the guidance counselor and we learned how to lie! We had to write down three statement of which only one was a lie and the other two were true and no one at first believed that I really had that many siblings! Instead they thought I didn't like ice cream!'
Seemed like he had a great time learning how to lie... It was cool to see him so enthusiastic.
As background, the guidance counselor had sent home a list of groups she was forming and I had put a mark at 'social skills group' for Bryan. This was the first week of said social skills group. They actually also talked about when lies are ok, I think they mostly went into the 'social white lies'.
Important skills to learn ^^.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
And a Bit More
Penny 'Zac also kept saying 'isn't it time for them to go home yet??? It is time for them to leave' I told him 'If you don't like us being here, why don't YOU go home!' He said 'No, I hate mama even more! She is a control freak!'
This is spilling over in so many ways on the younger ones. I have no idea whether the ex witnesses those conversations or just plays computer :p
This is spilling over in so many ways on the younger ones. I have no idea whether the ex witnesses those conversations or just plays computer :p
Mostly Venting
Please bear with me while I vent about things I can't change anyway, so I can let go of them and move on.
The ex did take the four youngest to their art classes yesterday and then returned them. He had asked to do their normal visit day on Sunday 'so that Zac could have a rest day after all the stress at school.'
Today he was going to pick them up before 10, so he did show up at 10:30am. Being in time for his kids clearly isn't a priority. I had to leave with Ysa for one of her activities at 11am, so at least this time he didn't mess that up, I just feel sad for the younger ones that he is ALWAYS late.
I had expected him to keep them till after dinner, since Saturday visits always are till after dinner. He returned them at 4:30pm. I guess compensating for the late pickup by performing an early dropoff. Which is not bad in the big scheme of things, since it means I could get them to bed in time for school, but in the small scheme of things it messed up my dinner with the two girls and some other stuff.
When we were on our way to the supermarket, Penny told me 'Papa was really annoying today!'
Me 'Hmmm? What happened?'
Penny 'Well, we had dropped off my friend and Bryan was being annoying in the car and papa got really mad at us. He said 'If you guys are going to be fighting I am going to drop you off at home again and you can't come to visit, because Zac is REALLY stressed out about school and he can't handle any type of you guys fighting.'
Me 'Hmmm, but I wasn't going to be home.'
Penny 'He didn't care. He just says Zac is very stressed about school and it's not fair. We started school too, we are stressed too!'
Me 'That sounds very frustrating.' (I am such a verbal person ^^)
Penny 'And when we were at his house, Zac kept complaining about Bryan, saying he is a drama queen and all kinds of bad things and that he shouldn't play computer and that he can't play Xbox and he can't play Spore because it is too violent for him and then he lets Baby Bear play Spore and it isn't even his xbox, it is Vincent's and he acts like it is all his.'
Me 'I see.'
Penny 'And then he says Bryan plays too much computer but Zac sits at the computer the WHOLE time we are there and I am sure the whole time we aren't there too and we have started school too and we are stressed too.'
It went on like this for at least twenty minutes, mostly Penny venting about him. It makes me mad, but it is clearly beyond my control, I just am very disappointed that he seems to think Zac is way more important than the other kids and then he turns around and claims in his motions to the court 'Zac being at my house is sooooooo much better for all the kids and Zac is doing so well!!'
Thanks for listening ^^
The ex did take the four youngest to their art classes yesterday and then returned them. He had asked to do their normal visit day on Sunday 'so that Zac could have a rest day after all the stress at school.'
Today he was going to pick them up before 10, so he did show up at 10:30am. Being in time for his kids clearly isn't a priority. I had to leave with Ysa for one of her activities at 11am, so at least this time he didn't mess that up, I just feel sad for the younger ones that he is ALWAYS late.
I had expected him to keep them till after dinner, since Saturday visits always are till after dinner. He returned them at 4:30pm. I guess compensating for the late pickup by performing an early dropoff. Which is not bad in the big scheme of things, since it means I could get them to bed in time for school, but in the small scheme of things it messed up my dinner with the two girls and some other stuff.
When we were on our way to the supermarket, Penny told me 'Papa was really annoying today!'
Me 'Hmmm? What happened?'
Penny 'Well, we had dropped off my friend and Bryan was being annoying in the car and papa got really mad at us. He said 'If you guys are going to be fighting I am going to drop you off at home again and you can't come to visit, because Zac is REALLY stressed out about school and he can't handle any type of you guys fighting.'
Me 'Hmmm, but I wasn't going to be home.'
Penny 'He didn't care. He just says Zac is very stressed about school and it's not fair. We started school too, we are stressed too!'
Me 'That sounds very frustrating.' (I am such a verbal person ^^)
Penny 'And when we were at his house, Zac kept complaining about Bryan, saying he is a drama queen and all kinds of bad things and that he shouldn't play computer and that he can't play Xbox and he can't play Spore because it is too violent for him and then he lets Baby Bear play Spore and it isn't even his xbox, it is Vincent's and he acts like it is all his.'
Me 'I see.'
Penny 'And then he says Bryan plays too much computer but Zac sits at the computer the WHOLE time we are there and I am sure the whole time we aren't there too and we have started school too and we are stressed too.'
It went on like this for at least twenty minutes, mostly Penny venting about him. It makes me mad, but it is clearly beyond my control, I just am very disappointed that he seems to think Zac is way more important than the other kids and then he turns around and claims in his motions to the court 'Zac being at my house is sooooooo much better for all the kids and Zac is doing so well!!'
Thanks for listening ^^
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Bryan
Ex has decided that today he won't take the younger ones all day, as usual, but only take them to their art class for a while and then bring them home again. 'I want Zac to have a rest day after such a stressful week at school.'
Bryan has been very bouncy all day since he got up, bothering siblings, bouncing around like Tiggr, and pretty fast escalating into 'You hate me, I am just going to die here' and hitting his head on the wall over and over. Any reassurance and calmness fell on deaf ears, at least that is what it felt like but of course I do it anyway while I assess the situation and the level of credible threats. The 'I am just going to die right here!' didn't sound too concerning to me from a credibility point of view.
Makes one wonder whether there is any connection between the disappointment of not seeing dad as much as usual and Bryan's behavior...
The wall hitting bothers me most, I wish I could get him into therapy again, but I'll have to wait till we either have medicaid or till January. Maybe I should talk to the guidance counselor at his school.
Bryan has been very bouncy all day since he got up, bothering siblings, bouncing around like Tiggr, and pretty fast escalating into 'You hate me, I am just going to die here' and hitting his head on the wall over and over. Any reassurance and calmness fell on deaf ears, at least that is what it felt like but of course I do it anyway while I assess the situation and the level of credible threats. The 'I am just going to die right here!' didn't sound too concerning to me from a credibility point of view.
Makes one wonder whether there is any connection between the disappointment of not seeing dad as much as usual and Bryan's behavior...
The wall hitting bothers me most, I wish I could get him into therapy again, but I'll have to wait till we either have medicaid or till January. Maybe I should talk to the guidance counselor at his school.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Ysa
Today I saw our family physician to talk about the Ysa issues. I told her what I saw, Ysa explained to her that it all was grossly exaggerated, her stomach ache was almost non-existing and gone anyway and no she did not want to talk to anyone, thankyouverymuch.
The consensus between the dr and me was that counseling would benefit her. Which is in line with what the family therapist expressed. There has been so much upheaval in her life. The divorce including dad's rejections, Zac's violence (including trying to strangle Ysa), and her starting public school to name a few. Not to mention that she is in early puberty which is not an easy time emotionally anyway. It is no wonder that she is a bit stressed right now and could use extra support.
Looks like I will be able to add another counseling session to my weekly list ^^
The good news is that Violet is almost graduated because she is doing well this school year and even stopped taking her prozac a while ago and seems to be doing fine without it.
The consensus between the dr and me was that counseling would benefit her. Which is in line with what the family therapist expressed. There has been so much upheaval in her life. The divorce including dad's rejections, Zac's violence (including trying to strangle Ysa), and her starting public school to name a few. Not to mention that she is in early puberty which is not an easy time emotionally anyway. It is no wonder that she is a bit stressed right now and could use extra support.
Looks like I will be able to add another counseling session to my weekly list ^^
The good news is that Violet is almost graduated because she is doing well this school year and even stopped taking her prozac a while ago and seems to be doing fine without it.
HEARING THINGS??!!!
Penny just came downstairs
'Did the doorbell ring? I heard a dingdong'
Me absentmindedly while pondering the kitchen table mess and deciding to eat a grapefruit to deal with it 'Nope, no one here.'
Penny 'Oh, I heard the doorbell and then I heard a dog bark.'
Me 'I see.' not really thinking anything of it yet, and finding a knife to cut the grapefruit.
Penny adds 'I guess I have been hearing thing lately.'
This is where I perked up and wondered whether I should be wondering 'Hearing things?' because I am really good at smart questions when I get thrown into a situation like this.
'Yeah, yesterday in the bus, I was sitting next to Nancy and I heard this voice from behind me. From the back of the bus. The voice very clearly said 'Penny!' I turned around but there was no one there who looked like they said anything. I asked Nancy 'Did you just hear that?' and she asked 'What? I didn't hear anything.'
'Hmmmm, was it a boys voice or a girls voice?'
'Not sure, more boyish I think.'
'I see. And there have been other times when you have heard things?'
'Oh yes, quite often, although it is a few weeks ago and I don't really remember.'
I was out of smart questions and changed the subject to other auditory stuff like Robert scraping his metal thermos at lunch time and how it still bothers her. But my mind was wondering and pondering how to put this new information into the complex picture of Penny and was really happy to know that our local topnotch psychologist is going to evaluate her later this month (Oct 27)
Oh, the doorbell and the dog barking were exactly the doorbell and the dog at her friend's house. And it was very clear to her that it was her friend's doorbell and her friend's dog, it sounds like this was a very vivid happening to her, not a 'i hear a cling somewhere in the house and think maybe it's the doorbell.'
This afternoon we had yet another screaming fest which was homework induced although partly Ysa induced too. Penny can be LOUD when she is upset. The good news is that she ended up calling her teacher at home (who has given her phone number to her for such types of situations) and she got the answer she needed and is a lot calmer now.
And me??? I am still wondering whether maybe *I* am imagining things and maybe this isn't really happening :p
'Did the doorbell ring? I heard a dingdong'
Me absentmindedly while pondering the kitchen table mess and deciding to eat a grapefruit to deal with it 'Nope, no one here.'
Penny 'Oh, I heard the doorbell and then I heard a dog bark.'
Me 'I see.' not really thinking anything of it yet, and finding a knife to cut the grapefruit.
Penny adds 'I guess I have been hearing thing lately.'
This is where I perked up and wondered whether I should be wondering 'Hearing things?' because I am really good at smart questions when I get thrown into a situation like this.
'Yeah, yesterday in the bus, I was sitting next to Nancy and I heard this voice from behind me. From the back of the bus. The voice very clearly said 'Penny!' I turned around but there was no one there who looked like they said anything. I asked Nancy 'Did you just hear that?' and she asked 'What? I didn't hear anything.'
'Hmmmm, was it a boys voice or a girls voice?'
'Not sure, more boyish I think.'
'I see. And there have been other times when you have heard things?'
'Oh yes, quite often, although it is a few weeks ago and I don't really remember.'
I was out of smart questions and changed the subject to other auditory stuff like Robert scraping his metal thermos at lunch time and how it still bothers her. But my mind was wondering and pondering how to put this new information into the complex picture of Penny and was really happy to know that our local topnotch psychologist is going to evaluate her later this month (Oct 27)
Oh, the doorbell and the dog barking were exactly the doorbell and the dog at her friend's house. And it was very clear to her that it was her friend's doorbell and her friend's dog, it sounds like this was a very vivid happening to her, not a 'i hear a cling somewhere in the house and think maybe it's the doorbell.'
This afternoon we had yet another screaming fest which was homework induced although partly Ysa induced too. Penny can be LOUD when she is upset. The good news is that she ended up calling her teacher at home (who has given her phone number to her for such types of situations) and she got the answer she needed and is a lot calmer now.
And me??? I am still wondering whether maybe *I* am imagining things and maybe this isn't really happening :p
Ha! On Top of All
On top of all the other things which are going on in my life, I got a note from the school that Penny failed her vision AND hearing screening.
I know it is no big deal, it just was one of those 'um... I don't have time for this!' moments which was only a split second reaction before I picked up the phone and called our family doctor to set up an appointment.
Her vision was 20/40 in both eyes, which seems pretty reasonable still, but I suspect she might need glasses. Which would make her my third kid with glasses, so it's not a super big surprise.
Her hearing results are more unexpected. I haven't noticed any hearing problems and her speech is good. For now I am going to put it down to either test errors, or fluid in her ears. It is hard to read the nurse's scribbling, but it looks like it says 1000 Hz at 30, which doesn't sound immediately worrisome to me, but I'll let our family doctor repeat the hearing test in their office and see whether the results are reproducable or were just this one day in the nurse's office.
I have done a lot of hearing stuff with the older kids, so it is not uncharted territory for me. Up until now we only have had temporary hearing losses correlating with fluid in their ears, so I hope that Penny's is the same. If it isn't, it can't be a very serious hearing loss if it hasn't been detected till 10yo.
I know it is no big deal, it just was one of those 'um... I don't have time for this!' moments which was only a split second reaction before I picked up the phone and called our family doctor to set up an appointment.
Her vision was 20/40 in both eyes, which seems pretty reasonable still, but I suspect she might need glasses. Which would make her my third kid with glasses, so it's not a super big surprise.
Her hearing results are more unexpected. I haven't noticed any hearing problems and her speech is good. For now I am going to put it down to either test errors, or fluid in her ears. It is hard to read the nurse's scribbling, but it looks like it says 1000 Hz at 30, which doesn't sound immediately worrisome to me, but I'll let our family doctor repeat the hearing test in their office and see whether the results are reproducable or were just this one day in the nurse's office.
I have done a lot of hearing stuff with the older kids, so it is not uncharted territory for me. Up until now we only have had temporary hearing losses correlating with fluid in their ears, so I hope that Penny's is the same. If it isn't, it can't be a very serious hearing loss if it hasn't been detected till 10yo.
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