Today I got a letter that my five younger children qualify for medicaid. This means they can go back into counseling and medicaide will pick up the cost. Which is quite significant since once I get everything set up, four out of five will be in counseling. Violet is almost graduating (one more session) because she is doing so well.
Baby Bear barely got started a few weeks ago and I think will benefit from someone to talk to with all the things which are happening in her life. Penny and Bryan haven't seen a counselor for a number of months because they ran out of therapy even although they haven't run out of issues yet ^^
Ysa doesn't know it yet, but is going to be in counseling too, I already got in the paperwork. I am worried about depression for her, and she clearly is VERY ANGRY at me for putting her in school AND is adjusting to 8th grade as her very first ever year in school AND she is 'suffering' from puberty. No wonder she is a mess :p
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Big Penny Breakdown
Wow!
Haven't seen such a big breakdown in a while, or at least not including people getting hurt. Usually it's just door slamming (LOUD and repeatedly and repeatedly and a few more times for good measure) and lotsa screaming, but today she escalated to hitting Violet.
Because... Violet had deleted some of Penny's miis on the wii. Six months ago or at least not very recently at all. Penny discovered it today and it was the end of the world as we know it and she started screaming and then went into hitting Violet. She also told them that she wanted Zac and Violet to be killed (the only two other people in the room)
There was no reasoning with her and I ended up half dragging her out of the room while she tried to bite me, kick me, hit me, do ANYTHING to not be taken out of the room. Somehow I got her out and sat down with her in the hallway, hoping she would calm down. Which of course she didn't.
'YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!! VIOLET IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!! ZAC IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!' YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!! YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!'
When Ysa showed up to ask politely (yes that is sarcasm) 'Can you fucking be QUIET?' This was Penny's trigger to change to 'YSA IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' in between the other people AND the dog trying to kill her. Ha!
She still was trying to bite me, kick the door, kick the dog, kick me, kick everything around her and very much out of control.
I haven't seen such a big freakout in a pretty long time. School stress? I have no idea but I can't say it's very fun. When I thought it was safe to let go of her, she ran into the bath room, slamming and kicking the door a few times.
Later when she got out she locked herself in the basement. When she decided to leave the basement she opened the front door, so I ran to the hallway to make sure she wasn't leaving. Which got me many 'YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME! GO AWAY! STOP LOOKING AT ME!' and she put on her coat and disappeared in the basement again.
Yes, with door slamming :p
She is calmer now and cutting up 40 pieces of paper in the family room, putting numbers on them for no clear reason. I am just grateful that we seem to be past this crisis. I will be hopeful for her therapy to kick in again soon though (depends on medicaid) since she clearly isn't dealing well with something.
Haven't seen such a big breakdown in a while, or at least not including people getting hurt. Usually it's just door slamming (LOUD and repeatedly and repeatedly and a few more times for good measure) and lotsa screaming, but today she escalated to hitting Violet.
Because... Violet had deleted some of Penny's miis on the wii. Six months ago or at least not very recently at all. Penny discovered it today and it was the end of the world as we know it and she started screaming and then went into hitting Violet. She also told them that she wanted Zac and Violet to be killed (the only two other people in the room)
There was no reasoning with her and I ended up half dragging her out of the room while she tried to bite me, kick me, hit me, do ANYTHING to not be taken out of the room. Somehow I got her out and sat down with her in the hallway, hoping she would calm down. Which of course she didn't.
'YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!! VIOLET IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!! ZAC IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!' YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!! YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!'
When Ysa showed up to ask politely (yes that is sarcasm) 'Can you fucking be QUIET?' This was Penny's trigger to change to 'YSA IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' in between the other people AND the dog trying to kill her. Ha!
She still was trying to bite me, kick the door, kick the dog, kick me, kick everything around her and very much out of control.
I haven't seen such a big freakout in a pretty long time. School stress? I have no idea but I can't say it's very fun. When I thought it was safe to let go of her, she ran into the bath room, slamming and kicking the door a few times.
Later when she got out she locked herself in the basement. When she decided to leave the basement she opened the front door, so I ran to the hallway to make sure she wasn't leaving. Which got me many 'YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME! GO AWAY! STOP LOOKING AT ME!' and she put on her coat and disappeared in the basement again.
Yes, with door slamming :p
She is calmer now and cutting up 40 pieces of paper in the family room, putting numbers on them for no clear reason. I am just grateful that we seem to be past this crisis. I will be hopeful for her therapy to kick in again soon though (depends on medicaid) since she clearly isn't dealing well with something.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
What IS Anxiety?
Yes, I am still tons of posts behind and have much to tell and share, but for now pondering the question 'What IS Anxiety?' in such a way that it can be explained to Penny at 10 years old. We were driving, and she was telling me about meeting with her case manager and how she is supposed to write every question she asks on a yellow post it note now (not sure why, to raise her awareness about how many questions she asks maybe?) and she started talking about anxiety.
'Mama, I really don't KNOW what anxiety is, I mean I know what anxious means, but I still do not GET what anxiety is.' I gave a bunch of examples, but I am not sure whether I did a very good job. I am wondering how to best explain anxiety in a way that makes sense for her.
I did some web surfing, but although I can find tons of stuff to explain anxiety to adults, I can not really find anything which I felt was a good way of explaining it to her.
Any input welcome.
'Mama, I really don't KNOW what anxiety is, I mean I know what anxious means, but I still do not GET what anxiety is.' I gave a bunch of examples, but I am not sure whether I did a very good job. I am wondering how to best explain anxiety in a way that makes sense for her.
I did some web surfing, but although I can find tons of stuff to explain anxiety to adults, I can not really find anything which I felt was a good way of explaining it to her.
Any input welcome.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Penny School Anxieties
Today I got an email from Penny's school case manager
"We've been feeling our way with Penny for a few weeks and I feel it's at the point to address it with you. Penny has had an extreme increase in anxiety related behaviors. Inability to "let go", obsessing over mistakes and/or not even allowing herself to make mistakes to begin with so she'll ask question after question, and if something is late or she is behind the others (like the map) she'll worry. We spent a good portion of the morning talking today about this. She doesn't feel "worried" but when she's talking to you about it you start feeling anxious because she's so tightly "wound" and can't define it.
We discussed how to write questions down for a later time that may be more accepting for teachers, we talked about how to define a good question and from that comes giving yourself time to come up with the answer (research, ask a peer, answer what you can first and go back). We also talked about doing what the teacher has asked instead of making up your own choice, which then leads to a lot of "off topic" questionning. The last point was to ensure she's advocating for herslef as a homeschooled student who may not have had the instruction the previous year (sometimes Penny can get "stuck" when a teacher prefaces the instruction with "you probably already had this, so I'm going to go fast...".
My thoughts: Penny has anxiety. I do think she's done a lovely job transitioning into public school and one would expect her to have a certain level of anxiety. BUT, she is getting stuck and obsessing. I will advocate for the anxiety group for 5th grade, but that doesn't start for some time now. I will always be available to her teacher to help with strategies as well. Dr. F will check in with me tomorrow when she's here and may even have time to meet with Penny to get a sense of needs (she and I talked about Penny after dr Plato's meeting with us).
So, I guess just a heads up for now and let's keep an eye on how she implements the strategies from today's chat."
"We've been feeling our way with Penny for a few weeks and I feel it's at the point to address it with you. Penny has had an extreme increase in anxiety related behaviors. Inability to "let go", obsessing over mistakes and/or not even allowing herself to make mistakes to begin with so she'll ask question after question, and if something is late or she is behind the others (like the map) she'll worry. We spent a good portion of the morning talking today about this. She doesn't feel "worried" but when she's talking to you about it you start feeling anxious because she's so tightly "wound" and can't define it.
We discussed how to write questions down for a later time that may be more accepting for teachers, we talked about how to define a good question and from that comes giving yourself time to come up with the answer (research, ask a peer, answer what you can first and go back). We also talked about doing what the teacher has asked instead of making up your own choice, which then leads to a lot of "off topic" questionning. The last point was to ensure she's advocating for herslef as a homeschooled student who may not have had the instruction the previous year (sometimes Penny can get "stuck" when a teacher prefaces the instruction with "you probably already had this, so I'm going to go fast...".
My thoughts: Penny has anxiety. I do think she's done a lovely job transitioning into public school and one would expect her to have a certain level of anxiety. BUT, she is getting stuck and obsessing. I will advocate for the anxiety group for 5th grade, but that doesn't start for some time now. I will always be available to her teacher to help with strategies as well. Dr. F will check in with me tomorrow when she's here and may even have time to meet with Penny to get a sense of needs (she and I talked about Penny after dr Plato's meeting with us).
So, I guess just a heads up for now and let's keep an eye on how she implements the strategies from today's chat."
Random Anxiety of the Day
While driving to school, Baby Bear pipes up from the back seat, in a worried voice.
'Mom? I don't think it is a very good idea they placed those traffic lights at the botoom of this hill.'
Me 'Hmmm?'
Baby Bear 'No! What would happen if you were driving down this hill and cars were stopped and your brakes weren't working???? You would crash into them for sure!'
'Mom? I don't think it is a very good idea they placed those traffic lights at the botoom of this hill.'
Me 'Hmmm?'
Baby Bear 'No! What would happen if you were driving down this hill and cars were stopped and your brakes weren't working???? You would crash into them for sure!'
Friday, November 13, 2009
Zac
Last week, missed Wednesday and Friday.
This week had school on Monday, was dismissed early on Tuesday. Wednesday was a holiday, so no school, but he missed yesterday and today again. His father said panic attack, and that his sleep is all messed up again.
I asked about the lightbox, and no, he still isn't willing to use it. Big surprise :p
Zac and Vincent have been visiting me Thursday afternoons, and it's going reasonably ok. Zac is cursing a lot and didn't feel very stable yesterday, but for now that is the ex's problem. Did I mention the sense of relief which is at least as strong as the other emotions I am going through with this custody crap?
This week had school on Monday, was dismissed early on Tuesday. Wednesday was a holiday, so no school, but he missed yesterday and today again. His father said panic attack, and that his sleep is all messed up again.
I asked about the lightbox, and no, he still isn't willing to use it. Big surprise :p
Zac and Vincent have been visiting me Thursday afternoons, and it's going reasonably ok. Zac is cursing a lot and didn't feel very stable yesterday, but for now that is the ex's problem. Did I mention the sense of relief which is at least as strong as the other emotions I am going through with this custody crap?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
BIG Baby Step
Remember Katie Beckett, Zac's medicaid based on 'severe mental health disability' which pays for all his medical expenses? It is an awesome program, but as with all those programs, there is quite some paperwork involved.
Every year, they want me to send in financial information, which is a pretty simple form, although this year I was late submitting it (I blame life) His Katie Beckett got canceled for a few days before they reinstated it when they received the forms.
This summer, I got a new stack of forms, to redetermine eligibility, which is a LOT more work, and I put it in my desk to take care of soon. But of course, as always, life happened and I hadn't filled out the forms yet, and even LOST the forms because we were moving around so much stuff in the house. So that was one of these things to feel guilty about and I was going to call the office to get replacement forms, but even that hadn't happened.
In October, I got a certified letter from the State and I went 'Uh oh', fearing the worst. But happily it was just a reminder 'Fill this out or ELSE' and a NEW stack of the forms, so that I didn't have to locate my old ones. Woohoo!
They gave me till November 13th to finish it and I worked on it on and off over the last few weeks. Including organizing all Zac's stuff in folders to help me find the copies of the forms I filled out two years ago to help me in filling out the current ones. Some things had changed but a lot of the issues still are the same.
I was done on November 3rd, copied them and realized they asked for a current IEP. Which I copied today and then we drove to the post office and MAILED everything. It feels soooooooooooo good!
Next BIG baby step is getting the 42 forms needed to complete my application for medicaid for the other kids. But for today I am celebrating the completion of the Katie Beckett baby step ^^.
Every year, they want me to send in financial information, which is a pretty simple form, although this year I was late submitting it (I blame life) His Katie Beckett got canceled for a few days before they reinstated it when they received the forms.
This summer, I got a new stack of forms, to redetermine eligibility, which is a LOT more work, and I put it in my desk to take care of soon. But of course, as always, life happened and I hadn't filled out the forms yet, and even LOST the forms because we were moving around so much stuff in the house. So that was one of these things to feel guilty about and I was going to call the office to get replacement forms, but even that hadn't happened.
In October, I got a certified letter from the State and I went 'Uh oh', fearing the worst. But happily it was just a reminder 'Fill this out or ELSE' and a NEW stack of the forms, so that I didn't have to locate my old ones. Woohoo!
They gave me till November 13th to finish it and I worked on it on and off over the last few weeks. Including organizing all Zac's stuff in folders to help me find the copies of the forms I filled out two years ago to help me in filling out the current ones. Some things had changed but a lot of the issues still are the same.
I was done on November 3rd, copied them and realized they asked for a current IEP. Which I copied today and then we drove to the post office and MAILED everything. It feels soooooooooooo good!
Next BIG baby step is getting the 42 forms needed to complete my application for medicaid for the other kids. But for today I am celebrating the completion of the Katie Beckett baby step ^^.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Family Therapist and other Therapists Meeting October
This was meeting with Family Therapist (FT), X and me about visitation schedule for the kids who have been reluctant. The short story is that the boys will visit me for a few hours on Thursday after school, while Dawn will visit him on Friday night for dinner. The meeting started with just the FT, later other kids therapists joined in.
The FT asked whether X had any idea why Zac is so hostile to me. It was very clear to X 'Well, she is trying to get him on a school schedule and she is pushing the autistic program for him and she is constantly trying to control them. Both Vincent and Zac get annoyed at being controlled. They are TEENAGERS! And she is continuously filing lawsuits against him. No wonder he is hostile to her!'
The FT asked whether all Zac's hospitalizations were with X's agreement, or was it just me who felt it was necessary? X said 'Well, she iniated it, but I guess I gave my agreement by not opposing it.' She asked him whether he would be willing to tell Zac that he was supporting these decisions? He was kind of lukewarm about that. I am not holding my breath for it ever happening, but who knows ^^
We talked about Ysa and the FT mentioned that when Ysa and Violet visit he probably should not be doing the computer and whether he had any plans for interacting with them. He thought for a moment and offered 'No problem, we can watch a movie.' I said that maybe they could play cards or a game , but he felt that there would be no games that everyone would like, so that couldn't work. Vincent and Ysa both are fanatical about winning, so playing games with them is hard.
The FT asked whether he had any idea what was going on with Bryan, and he explained it by 'Penny is so pushy and dominating that Bryan withdraws from any conflict with her and now he is oversensitive to hostility.'
It is fascinating to get these glimpses into X's universe.
The good part is that Zac and Vincent came to visit last week for a few hours and will again this week. And Ysa went to visit him on Friday night, although it took me considerable convincing before she went. I have no idea what it was like, she didn't communicate about it. I know she refused to have Violet visit at the same time, which had been the plan, but that was ok with me, since Violet often visits him when the younger ones are visiting anyway.
The FT asked whether X had any idea why Zac is so hostile to me. It was very clear to X 'Well, she is trying to get him on a school schedule and she is pushing the autistic program for him and she is constantly trying to control them. Both Vincent and Zac get annoyed at being controlled. They are TEENAGERS! And she is continuously filing lawsuits against him. No wonder he is hostile to her!'
The FT asked whether all Zac's hospitalizations were with X's agreement, or was it just me who felt it was necessary? X said 'Well, she iniated it, but I guess I gave my agreement by not opposing it.' She asked him whether he would be willing to tell Zac that he was supporting these decisions? He was kind of lukewarm about that. I am not holding my breath for it ever happening, but who knows ^^
We talked about Ysa and the FT mentioned that when Ysa and Violet visit he probably should not be doing the computer and whether he had any plans for interacting with them. He thought for a moment and offered 'No problem, we can watch a movie.' I said that maybe they could play cards or a game , but he felt that there would be no games that everyone would like, so that couldn't work. Vincent and Ysa both are fanatical about winning, so playing games with them is hard.
The FT asked whether he had any idea what was going on with Bryan, and he explained it by 'Penny is so pushy and dominating that Bryan withdraws from any conflict with her and now he is oversensitive to hostility.'
It is fascinating to get these glimpses into X's universe.
The good part is that Zac and Vincent came to visit last week for a few hours and will again this week. And Ysa went to visit him on Friday night, although it took me considerable convincing before she went. I have no idea what it was like, she didn't communicate about it. I know she refused to have Violet visit at the same time, which had been the plan, but that was ok with me, since Violet often visits him when the younger ones are visiting anyway.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Homeschooling 'Funny'
Theme of the week: being behind on everything still and too tired to write anything useful, so just getting a funny for now.
Two school meetings today one for Zac, one for Bryan.
Bryan meeting 'He doesn't initiate conversations with other children, only with adults, but we think that is a function of the homeschooling. Since you were homeschooling him, he only had contact with you and your husband, right?'
There is just sooooo much wrong with that picture that I couldn't even start to address, so I briefly mentioned homeschool group and many other social opportunities, but I doubt that they grok it at all.
Two school meetings today one for Zac, one for Bryan.
Bryan meeting 'He doesn't initiate conversations with other children, only with adults, but we think that is a function of the homeschooling. Since you were homeschooling him, he only had contact with you and your husband, right?'
There is just sooooo much wrong with that picture that I couldn't even start to address, so I briefly mentioned homeschool group and many other social opportunities, but I doubt that they grok it at all.
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