One month into school and Penny is back to 'I am not going to school. School is too hard. EVERYTHING is too hard!'
We had a major meltdown last night, including at least an hour of crying crying crying.
I am glad I get this opportunity to use my mindfulness...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Locus of Control
Much to write but I have only a few minutes to introduce a new to me term.
Dr Plato asked X to bring Vincent to the last meeting and he talked to Vincent about locus of control, as in 'who or what determines what happens to you?' This was in the context of learning to drive as a specific example but it is obviously a much more general concept. Vincent explained why he didn't drive as much as he wanted to without taking any responsibility for his part in the equation.
Gotta run but I found a wikipedia article on Locus of Control and an online test to rate where one's own locus of control is located.
Dr Plato asked X to bring Vincent to the last meeting and he talked to Vincent about locus of control, as in 'who or what determines what happens to you?' This was in the context of learning to drive as a specific example but it is obviously a much more general concept. Vincent explained why he didn't drive as much as he wanted to without taking any responsibility for his part in the equation.
Gotta run but I found a wikipedia article on Locus of Control and an online test to rate where one's own locus of control is located.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Session Notes III
Dr Plato 'Is there any possibility Vincent might change her behavior when you talk to him about this?'
X 'Well, maybe, I don't know. Vincent's natural reaction to people making him do something is to push back. He would perceive it as me trying to assert control over him.'
Dr Plato 'So you can't say anything because you are afraid of his reaction?'
X 'I don't know.'
Dr Plato 'You are saying that he will deny, get angry, reject your words because he thinks you are trying to control him. That surely limits what you can say to him.'
X 'Maybe somebody else has to say it to him. Because he is getting good at tuning me out. I am usually not there.'
Dr Plato 'You are there more than anybody else.'
X 'Well, between working and trying to get groceries...'
Dr Plato 'What does Vincent do when you go grocery shopping?'
X 'He is sitting on his butt playing computer. Or sleeping.'
Dr Plato 'What is holding you back from expressing your opinion? It is your fear that he is going to be upset with you.'
X 'Well, I can push him, but I cannot really help him along.'
Dr Plato 'It would be much better to acknowledge your fear. If you don't, you have zero chance of solving this problem. Your stress will increase drop by drop and one day it will explode. It could explode inwards, and you would become ill. You were very close to that last year at that end of the school year. Or it could explode outwards. You will have a shouting match with Vincent, maybe even throw him out of your house.'
'If you adopt these strategies, not acknowledging your fears, not acting because you are afraid of the consequences, you are using the same model as the kids. You are not taking on anything that might cause you stress.'
X 'Well, maybe, I don't know. Vincent's natural reaction to people making him do something is to push back. He would perceive it as me trying to assert control over him.'
Dr Plato 'So you can't say anything because you are afraid of his reaction?'
X 'I don't know.'
Dr Plato 'You are saying that he will deny, get angry, reject your words because he thinks you are trying to control him. That surely limits what you can say to him.'
X 'Maybe somebody else has to say it to him. Because he is getting good at tuning me out. I am usually not there.'
Dr Plato 'You are there more than anybody else.'
X 'Well, between working and trying to get groceries...'
Dr Plato 'What does Vincent do when you go grocery shopping?'
X 'He is sitting on his butt playing computer. Or sleeping.'
Dr Plato 'What is holding you back from expressing your opinion? It is your fear that he is going to be upset with you.'
X 'Well, I can push him, but I cannot really help him along.'
Dr Plato 'It would be much better to acknowledge your fear. If you don't, you have zero chance of solving this problem. Your stress will increase drop by drop and one day it will explode. It could explode inwards, and you would become ill. You were very close to that last year at that end of the school year. Or it could explode outwards. You will have a shouting match with Vincent, maybe even throw him out of your house.'
'If you adopt these strategies, not acknowledging your fears, not acting because you are afraid of the consequences, you are using the same model as the kids. You are not taking on anything that might cause you stress.'
Friday, September 17, 2010
Session Notes II
Dr Plato 'What about Vincent?'
X 'Ha, he is doing great! He is making great progress in video games and in driving I guess.'
Dr Plato 'I see. How is the driving coming along?'
X 'He needs a lot of practice and I can't really do that much.'
Dr Plato 'That is regrettable. Earlier this year, I was hoping that Zac would emulate Vincent. But now it seems like the reverse is happening. Vincent is emulating Zac. Any idea why?'
X 'No, I don't know.' (A standard Zac response to anything he doesn't want to think about.)
Dr Plato 'Have you considered asking him? And telling him what you are observing?'
X 'No.'
Dr Plato 'What do you think would happen if you told him?'
X 'Um... I don't know.'
Dr Plato 'Come on, think deeper. What would happen? What could happen?'
X 'He would deny it.'
Dr Plato 'Is that all? Keep thinking. Anything else which could be happening?'
X 'I guess he could get angry.'
A long silence followed, broken by dr Plato 'Really? There are only two choices? He would deny it or get angry? These are the only options?'
X 'Yeah...'
X 'Ha, he is doing great! He is making great progress in video games and in driving I guess.'
Dr Plato 'I see. How is the driving coming along?'
X 'He needs a lot of practice and I can't really do that much.'
Dr Plato 'That is regrettable. Earlier this year, I was hoping that Zac would emulate Vincent. But now it seems like the reverse is happening. Vincent is emulating Zac. Any idea why?'
X 'No, I don't know.' (A standard Zac response to anything he doesn't want to think about.)
Dr Plato 'Have you considered asking him? And telling him what you are observing?'
X 'No.'
Dr Plato 'What do you think would happen if you told him?'
X 'Um... I don't know.'
Dr Plato 'Come on, think deeper. What would happen? What could happen?'
X 'He would deny it.'
Dr Plato 'Is that all? Keep thinking. Anything else which could be happening?'
X 'I guess he could get angry.'
A long silence followed, broken by dr Plato 'Really? There are only two choices? He would deny it or get angry? These are the only options?'
X 'Yeah...'
Session Notes I
Dr Plato 'How are things going?'
X, pondering for a while 'OK, I guess. Zac is going to school pretty regularly. But he has problems adjusting to life in general.'
Dr Plato 'Could you explain that some more?'
X 'He keeps himself separated from the rest of the world.'
Dr Plato 'Why do you think that is?'
X 'It stresses him out to interact with other people.'
Dr Plato 'Is he productive at school?'
X 'I think so.' adding the disclaimer 'But I don't think they put much pressure on him for high productivity.' (No kidding!)
Dr Plato 'What does Zac himself think about his productivity at school?'
X 'I don't know, I don't talk about school to him.' (Zac is extremely resistant to saying anything about school, he sees it as interrogating and a way of driving him crazy so he will commit suicide. So I can understand why X has not been talking about it at all.)
Dr Plato 'It is important that he considers himself to be making progress. When people think they are making progress, they keep going. If they don't believe they are making progress, they will quit, even while they are making huge progress.'
X, pondering for a while 'OK, I guess. Zac is going to school pretty regularly. But he has problems adjusting to life in general.'
Dr Plato 'Could you explain that some more?'
X 'He keeps himself separated from the rest of the world.'
Dr Plato 'Why do you think that is?'
X 'It stresses him out to interact with other people.'
Dr Plato 'Is he productive at school?'
X 'I think so.' adding the disclaimer 'But I don't think they put much pressure on him for high productivity.' (No kidding!)
Dr Plato 'What does Zac himself think about his productivity at school?'
X 'I don't know, I don't talk about school to him.' (Zac is extremely resistant to saying anything about school, he sees it as interrogating and a way of driving him crazy so he will commit suicide. So I can understand why X has not been talking about it at all.)
Dr Plato 'It is important that he considers himself to be making progress. When people think they are making progress, they keep going. If they don't believe they are making progress, they will quit, even while they are making huge progress.'
Fear and Anxiety
Dr Plato tidbits.
What is the difference between fear and anxiety?
Fear is the autonomic nervous system kicking in when there is an actual threat. For example when a snake enters the room, many people would experience fear and a 'fight or flight' reflex so they can deal with the threat. Their heart rates goes up, they make adrenaline and their adrenal gland starts producing cortisol.
Anxiety is the same reaction during the ABSENCE of the actual fear object. This is often, but not always, caused by a memory of a fearful incident.
Dr Plato feels that Zac's body (and some of my other children's) has been conditioned to act like fear is present, even when it isn't. It is in his nervous system.
This seems to fit what I observe with him and the other children. I am learning a lot about the nervous system from these sessions. I am happy dr Plato is taking time to teach us. It fits my belief that when one is ready to learn, a teacher will appear.
What is the difference between fear and anxiety?
Fear is the autonomic nervous system kicking in when there is an actual threat. For example when a snake enters the room, many people would experience fear and a 'fight or flight' reflex so they can deal with the threat. Their heart rates goes up, they make adrenaline and their adrenal gland starts producing cortisol.
Anxiety is the same reaction during the ABSENCE of the actual fear object. This is often, but not always, caused by a memory of a fearful incident.
Dr Plato feels that Zac's body (and some of my other children's) has been conditioned to act like fear is present, even when it isn't. It is in his nervous system.
This seems to fit what I observe with him and the other children. I am learning a lot about the nervous system from these sessions. I am happy dr Plato is taking time to teach us. It fits my belief that when one is ready to learn, a teacher will appear.
Zac Update
Zac is doing well at his level. He goes to school a few hours a day (not too much because he can't handle that). He has been going every day so far, the 9am bus, so that is encouraging. I think he does advisory with some other kids, but after that he spends two more 50 minutes periods in the Resource Room so that he does not have to interact.
He still hates having the younger children over to visit their dad and his standard whine is 'Make them go awayyyyyyyy' when they are over, which is not always appreciated by his siblings.
He continues to be mean to Bryan and Penny, but loves Baby Bear and sometimes takes her on a walk to a nearby gas station. I am thrilled that that gets him out of the house.
One big huge good thing is that he is volunteering at the local library. Today my friend saw him there and said he was doing well. It is nice to have community contacts to keep me updated ^^. I have no idea what he is doing, I am sure I'll hear more about it over the next few weeks. I am just happy he is doing anything out of his comfort zone. We proposed the volunteering at least a year ago, so it is encouraging that he was willing to do it.
He still hates having the younger children over to visit their dad and his standard whine is 'Make them go awayyyyyyyy' when they are over, which is not always appreciated by his siblings.
He continues to be mean to Bryan and Penny, but loves Baby Bear and sometimes takes her on a walk to a nearby gas station. I am thrilled that that gets him out of the house.
One big huge good thing is that he is volunteering at the local library. Today my friend saw him there and said he was doing well. It is nice to have community contacts to keep me updated ^^. I have no idea what he is doing, I am sure I'll hear more about it over the next few weeks. I am just happy he is doing anything out of his comfort zone. We proposed the volunteering at least a year ago, so it is encouraging that he was willing to do it.
Vincent Update
Vincent is still very addicted to World of Warcraft, so is happy to live with someone who is willing to enable him. He quit his job in January or February, claims he wants to go to college but isn't actually making any steps in that direction ('I can be admitted to any college I apply for anyway') and wants to get his driver's license but isn't making many efforts to call my friend who is teaching him. For now he has put his whole life on hold till he has a driver's license and a car. I don't think he realizes how expensive a car is but I guess he will find out.
He claims he is not going to work at all till he is finished with college, so let's hope he gets a good scholarship and other financial aid. At least he did get his GED back in February so that is one baby step out of the way.
One good thing is that he is learning to cook some simple dishes and even has baked bread once ('Why didn't it rise mama, they were like bricks!'). It is not much but hey, learning to cook is a good skill.
Another good thing is that he goes out for walks occasionally, although he is always reading a book while walking, because imagine one would actually have to be bored without a book for a whole walk...
Frankly he does more parenting when the younger children are over than X does. Many times I hear 'Papa had to go to bed, because he was really tired, he needs to sleep a lot, you know!' while Vincent picks up some of the parenting slack that creates. He also does the dishes quite often according to him. Another good skill ^^
My hope is that he will wake up some time during the next few years and get off his butt and interact with the world. I have been talking to him about traveling, volunteering, anything he could do, but so far he isn't ready to listen yet. I am optimistic about him though, for now I am assuming he is not ready to step out in the world yet and is taking time off, not seeing it as a permanent condition.
He claims he is not going to work at all till he is finished with college, so let's hope he gets a good scholarship and other financial aid. At least he did get his GED back in February so that is one baby step out of the way.
One good thing is that he is learning to cook some simple dishes and even has baked bread once ('Why didn't it rise mama, they were like bricks!'). It is not much but hey, learning to cook is a good skill.
Another good thing is that he goes out for walks occasionally, although he is always reading a book while walking, because imagine one would actually have to be bored without a book for a whole walk...
Frankly he does more parenting when the younger children are over than X does. Many times I hear 'Papa had to go to bed, because he was really tired, he needs to sleep a lot, you know!' while Vincent picks up some of the parenting slack that creates. He also does the dishes quite often according to him. Another good skill ^^
My hope is that he will wake up some time during the next few years and get off his butt and interact with the world. I have been talking to him about traveling, volunteering, anything he could do, but so far he isn't ready to listen yet. I am optimistic about him though, for now I am assuming he is not ready to step out in the world yet and is taking time off, not seeing it as a permanent condition.
Meditation
Dr Plato is really focusing on breathing and meditation for the children. He taught us more breathing and talked more about the positive changes which happen in the brain when people do meditate.
There is a lot of research out there to show the mental benefits of meditation Very interesting stuff.
I told him about Penny wanting a book on her head when we were doing the breathing exercises. He felt that was cool that she did that, it would help her keep her head in the exact right position (posture) for meditation. Her body told her what she needed and she listened to her body.
More later, need to make lunch for a sick kid.
There is a lot of research out there to show the mental benefits of meditation Very interesting stuff.
I told him about Penny wanting a book on her head when we were doing the breathing exercises. He felt that was cool that she did that, it would help her keep her head in the exact right position (posture) for meditation. Her body told her what she needed and she listened to her body.
More later, need to make lunch for a sick kid.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Summer Homework Hell
Penny had summer homework to be finished over the summer vacation. What an idiotic and stupid idea. I just emailed her case manager to give her a heads up on the resulting anxiety issues.
The &%#&%(*&^^$#!@# summer homework led to TONS of anxiety over the summer and seems to still be rearing its ugly head. I am seriously wondering whether this summer homework thing was a good idea at all, it was and is extremely stressful for Penny and has not led to any clear benefits for her. I understand that the school doesn't want students to 'lose competencies' but I don't think this was the way to go or whether it would be less stressful to just do some review during the first weeks, which they seem to do anyway.
Penny didn't finish it all and now is stressing about finishing it, so much that she often doesn't even get started on it.
Yesterday she first spent the afternoon in the library with a friend and did about an hour of homework there. At night after dinner she still had to do homework (not sure whether that was summer or not, she wasn't very clear on it) and got started just fine making a book but it took her at least another hour to make that book. During that period she had a big fight with Ysa because Ysa wanted to practice chorus homework and Penny yelled that the only place she could make her book was at the piano and there were many raised voices and hurt feelings on both sides.
Anyway, this all culminated in a door slamming event, at least half an hour of Penny uncontrollably crying about homework, life, school and everything and refusal to take any of her night time meds (gah, I was soooooooooooooooo ready for her to go to sleep!)
Eventually I did get her calmed down, she finished the rest of her homework and went off to bed (way too late by now).
We'll see what her case manager replies.
The &%#&%(*&^^$#!@# summer homework led to TONS of anxiety over the summer and seems to still be rearing its ugly head. I am seriously wondering whether this summer homework thing was a good idea at all, it was and is extremely stressful for Penny and has not led to any clear benefits for her. I understand that the school doesn't want students to 'lose competencies' but I don't think this was the way to go or whether it would be less stressful to just do some review during the first weeks, which they seem to do anyway.
Penny didn't finish it all and now is stressing about finishing it, so much that she often doesn't even get started on it.
Yesterday she first spent the afternoon in the library with a friend and did about an hour of homework there. At night after dinner she still had to do homework (not sure whether that was summer or not, she wasn't very clear on it) and got started just fine making a book but it took her at least another hour to make that book. During that period she had a big fight with Ysa because Ysa wanted to practice chorus homework and Penny yelled that the only place she could make her book was at the piano and there were many raised voices and hurt feelings on both sides.
Anyway, this all culminated in a door slamming event, at least half an hour of Penny uncontrollably crying about homework, life, school and everything and refusal to take any of her night time meds (gah, I was soooooooooooooooo ready for her to go to sleep!)
Eventually I did get her calmed down, she finished the rest of her homework and went off to bed (way too late by now).
We'll see what her case manager replies.
Back To School
After a superbusy but good vacation, everyone is back to school giving me a very much needed break during some days. Most of them seem to be adjusting well, although Penny is having homework issues already which I will tackle in a different post.
We had our first meeting with dr Plato and he started teaching a mindfulness exercise which is just awesome since I have been trying to meditate anyway. Funny how things work out that way. Last night I used the breathing exercise to help Penny calm down and it worked for her, wow.
I am reading 'Parenting the Anxious Child with Mindfulness and Acceptance' and I have had some good insights thanks to it. I am only halfway through, but I like it so far. I know it will come in handy dealing with the various kid's anxiety issues.
We had our first meeting with dr Plato and he started teaching a mindfulness exercise which is just awesome since I have been trying to meditate anyway. Funny how things work out that way. Last night I used the breathing exercise to help Penny calm down and it worked for her, wow.
I am reading 'Parenting the Anxious Child with Mindfulness and Acceptance' and I have had some good insights thanks to it. I am only halfway through, but I like it so far. I know it will come in handy dealing with the various kid's anxiety issues.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Still Alive
Superbusy and Google ate my blog for a while although it couldn't decide whether it was for breech of terms of services, suspicious activity, unmowed lawn or because it was hungry. When I tried to jump through their hoops to get it back it stood on the side going 'Nah nah nah nah nah nah, that service is not available right now, but your call is important to us, please vote for us in the next elections.'
Vacation is great, we do tons of stuff even if it mostly involves me driving kids around all day.
Glad to have my blog back.
Vacation is great, we do tons of stuff even if it mostly involves me driving kids around all day.
Glad to have my blog back.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Taking Anxiety to a Whole New Level
Penny had an interesting conversation with her guidance counselor. They talked about anxieties and what things she is worried about. She told him 'Well, I am worried about death. But not the normal way. I know a lot of people are afraid to die, because they think all will go black and it will be the end of everything. But I am not afraid of that, because I believe in reincarnation, so I will just be born again. Over and over. That is all good and fine, but it does mean that I am going to be around when the sun explodes! And then what?!!! I can't reincarnate anymore!'
Luckily we have a quick thinking guidance counselor who explained that she did not have to reincarnate on Earth, that there are many planets which could support life and she could reincarnate as an alien on one of those. In a different solar system. Phew!
He also pointed out that she didn't have to reincarnate as a human, but could come back as a tree or a rock instead. This got her really excited about what a cool secret life rocks would have. I mean, no one would suspect them of anything!' And trees are cool too. When you climb them they help you. If they didn't like you they would just push you out.
The curse of high intelligence and creativity making it way too easy to come up with many possible scenarios to worry about.
Luckily we have a quick thinking guidance counselor who explained that she did not have to reincarnate on Earth, that there are many planets which could support life and she could reincarnate as an alien on one of those. In a different solar system. Phew!
He also pointed out that she didn't have to reincarnate as a human, but could come back as a tree or a rock instead. This got her really excited about what a cool secret life rocks would have. I mean, no one would suspect them of anything!' And trees are cool too. When you climb them they help you. If they didn't like you they would just push you out.
The curse of high intelligence and creativity making it way too easy to come up with many possible scenarios to worry about.
Vincent and Computers
Over the last few months, dr Plato has been very clear in our meetings with him that the boys would benefit from restrictions on computer time. X has been resistant in implementing any such program. Apart from the one week where he tried to limit to three hours a day, but didn't monitor. Last week dr Plato told X again to turn off the computer or at least put a password on so they can't play unlimited.
X explained to dr Plato that he couldn't do that because Vincent would get annoyed... Zac would be ok with it, but Vincent would be annoyed.'
Dr Plato 'So what would Vincent do?'
X 'Well, he would go to friend's houses to play.'
Dr Plato 'He is that addicted? Does he have friends where he could just come and play computer all day?'
X 'um.. yes, no, maybe not.'
There was a lot more going back and forth, and the explanation that so much of Vincent's social life is in the computer (X 'he has real friends there!'), so he can't turn it off and X doesn't want to be bullying the boys around anyway.
The mind boggles.
Vincent quit his job and now plays World of Warcraft 24/7. In February he did get his GED but has not made any moves towards college. X explained to dr Plato that Vincent has lots of potential, but is waiting for X to get him into college. X stated 'Vincent needs a lighted path with check marks to cross off.' Dr Plato dryly commented that there are no lighted paths in front of the computer.
Lots more during this meeting, but my favorite was the 'No, I can't turn off the computer because Vincent will be annoyed.'
X explained to dr Plato that he couldn't do that because Vincent would get annoyed... Zac would be ok with it, but Vincent would be annoyed.'
Dr Plato 'So what would Vincent do?'
X 'Well, he would go to friend's houses to play.'
Dr Plato 'He is that addicted? Does he have friends where he could just come and play computer all day?'
X 'um.. yes, no, maybe not.'
There was a lot more going back and forth, and the explanation that so much of Vincent's social life is in the computer (X 'he has real friends there!'), so he can't turn it off and X doesn't want to be bullying the boys around anyway.
The mind boggles.
Vincent quit his job and now plays World of Warcraft 24/7. In February he did get his GED but has not made any moves towards college. X explained to dr Plato that Vincent has lots of potential, but is waiting for X to get him into college. X stated 'Vincent needs a lighted path with check marks to cross off.' Dr Plato dryly commented that there are no lighted paths in front of the computer.
Lots more during this meeting, but my favorite was the 'No, I can't turn off the computer because Vincent will be annoyed.'
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Ants and Anxiety
Penny has had very much heightened anxiety for no clear reason. She was sick for one or two weeks, didn't go to school much, but once she was feeling better physically her anxiety was still up. She missed many days of school thanks to anxiety issues, and one night her worries reached a new level.
She was trying to fall asleep when an ant crawled over her foot. She totally freaked out, started hyperventilating, complained about not being able to breathe. She was sure ants were everywhere, they were scary and she definitely could not go to sleep because what if an ant came while she slept? Not to mention that there weren't any safe places to sleep.
After a few hours of that I called emergency services and we did get her calmed down enough to actually to get her to sleep but it took quite a while.
The next morning the psychiatrist had a cancellation, so they called us asking whether we wanted to take it. Did I ever! The psychiatrist evaluated her, agreed that her anxiety levels were way high and recommended anti anxiety medication. She didn't want to use prozac since that would take a few weeks to kick in and there seemed to be more urgency. So she is on guanfacine now.
She also has clonidine to help her sleep if needed.
The medication seems to help some, but we still had
Not sure why her anxiety is so high, I am thinking either the sickness and recovery, the school end of year things being different, or maybe it is a result of puberty. We'll see the psychiatrist this week to talk about how things are going and take it from there.
She was trying to fall asleep when an ant crawled over her foot. She totally freaked out, started hyperventilating, complained about not being able to breathe. She was sure ants were everywhere, they were scary and she definitely could not go to sleep because what if an ant came while she slept? Not to mention that there weren't any safe places to sleep.
After a few hours of that I called emergency services and we did get her calmed down enough to actually to get her to sleep but it took quite a while.
The next morning the psychiatrist had a cancellation, so they called us asking whether we wanted to take it. Did I ever! The psychiatrist evaluated her, agreed that her anxiety levels were way high and recommended anti anxiety medication. She didn't want to use prozac since that would take a few weeks to kick in and there seemed to be more urgency. So she is on guanfacine now.
She also has clonidine to help her sleep if needed.
The medication seems to help some, but we still had
- half a day missed from school ('I am too scared to go to school' general anxiety with a bit of 'What if there are ants?!' specifics mixed in)
- Sleep issues 'My throat is hurting. I am going to die! I am going to die! I am going to die.' That night we used clonidine which seemed to work.
- Freakout at school play ground because of bug on her.
- Another ant incident last night which yet again made it hard for her to go to sleep.
Not sure why her anxiety is so high, I am thinking either the sickness and recovery, the school end of year things being different, or maybe it is a result of puberty. We'll see the psychiatrist this week to talk about how things are going and take it from there.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Brotherly Observations
Vincent 'Zac has been acting really stupid lately.'
Me 'Hmmm?'
Vincent 'He never wants to get out of bed for school, you have NO IDEA how hard it is for dad to get him out of bed!'
A moment's pause.
'Oh, maybe you do...'
I asked about other ways Zac was acting stupid, or whether it was just the morning thing. He said 'Oh, he is fine the rest of the time. As long as dad doesn't ask him to do anything.'
Me 'Hmmm?'
Vincent 'He never wants to get out of bed for school, you have NO IDEA how hard it is for dad to get him out of bed!'
A moment's pause.
'Oh, maybe you do...'
I asked about other ways Zac was acting stupid, or whether it was just the morning thing. He said 'Oh, he is fine the rest of the time. As long as dad doesn't ask him to do anything.'
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Book List
Some interesting books dr Plato has mentioned which I am looking forward to reading some time soon. In my spare time indeed. Sharing for W and whoever else is interested.
Anyone read any of these books? If so, please let me know whether you liked them.
- Synaptic Self: How Our Brains Become Who We Are by Joseph LeDoux
- Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School by John Medina (Author)
- My last note says 'What goes on in there' in my notes, but I can't find a book by that title. I did find What's Going on in There? : How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life by Lise Eliot.
Anyone read any of these books? If so, please let me know whether you liked them.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Four Levels of Learning
A list which dr Plato shared with me. Very interesting.
Levels of learning from lowest to highest:
1. FACTS - this is information gathered from books, the internet, anything one reads. You don't need to go out in the world to learn this way. Anyone can do it with little need for social interaction.
2. SOCIAL LEARNING - this is information one gains from others, often by their own personal experience. For example someone tells about hiking Mt Washington and the trail maintenance they were doing there as a team. The learner lives vicariously through the other person's experiences.
3. EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING - this is doing things, it involves the full sensory, emotional and cognitive experience. This could be hiking in the woods, it could be volunteering for trail maintenance or at the Humane Society. It can be anything that one actually experiences first hand.
4. EXPERT - when one reaches a high level of learning, then one is able to go out and teach others effectively at the vicarious learning level. The best experts can convey their experience to many different type of learners. The ability to convey their experience to all of these brain modalities often results in motivating students to the experienal learning level and beyond.
This was from Penny's evaluation. It is followed by the statement that Penny's learning has accelerated because she has moved beyond the first level. Hower she does not fully recognize or appreciate this phenomen. She will slowly but surely achieve this if her social anxiety does not cause her to retreat back to homeschooling.
As an aside, I find it interesting to see that even dr Plato doesn't recognize how much social learning there is in homeschooling. Even he still seems to think that homeschooled kids are at home all the time, he doesn't see the rich environment which is created by homeschool groups with many levels of learning and many different aged kids. But that is not what this post is about, I wanted to share the four levels of learning and the fact that all learning is social (if one wants to reach a higher level than just reading about it that is).
I haven't posted much, not because nothing is happening, but because of being swamped. I feel more on top of things than I did even a few months ago though. Which is good because I still am juggling so many balls and dropping some all the darned time.
Today I printed out the hardiness / heartiness vision statement and hung it on the family room wall so I can refer to it till my kids get sick of it and will just do it to shut me up. Penny and Baby Bear both have told me that they prefer to call it character instead of hardiness which is just fine with me. As long as they work on it.
Levels of learning from lowest to highest:
1. FACTS - this is information gathered from books, the internet, anything one reads. You don't need to go out in the world to learn this way. Anyone can do it with little need for social interaction.
2. SOCIAL LEARNING - this is information one gains from others, often by their own personal experience. For example someone tells about hiking Mt Washington and the trail maintenance they were doing there as a team. The learner lives vicariously through the other person's experiences.
3. EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING - this is doing things, it involves the full sensory, emotional and cognitive experience. This could be hiking in the woods, it could be volunteering for trail maintenance or at the Humane Society. It can be anything that one actually experiences first hand.
4. EXPERT - when one reaches a high level of learning, then one is able to go out and teach others effectively at the vicarious learning level. The best experts can convey their experience to many different type of learners. The ability to convey their experience to all of these brain modalities often results in motivating students to the experienal learning level and beyond.
This was from Penny's evaluation. It is followed by the statement that Penny's learning has accelerated because she has moved beyond the first level. Hower she does not fully recognize or appreciate this phenomen. She will slowly but surely achieve this if her social anxiety does not cause her to retreat back to homeschooling.
As an aside, I find it interesting to see that even dr Plato doesn't recognize how much social learning there is in homeschooling. Even he still seems to think that homeschooled kids are at home all the time, he doesn't see the rich environment which is created by homeschool groups with many levels of learning and many different aged kids. But that is not what this post is about, I wanted to share the four levels of learning and the fact that all learning is social (if one wants to reach a higher level than just reading about it that is).
I haven't posted much, not because nothing is happening, but because of being swamped. I feel more on top of things than I did even a few months ago though. Which is good because I still am juggling so many balls and dropping some all the darned time.
Today I printed out the hardiness / heartiness vision statement and hung it on the family room wall so I can refer to it till my kids get sick of it and will just do it to shut me up. Penny and Baby Bear both have told me that they prefer to call it character instead of hardiness which is just fine with me. As long as they work on it.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Hardiness Vision Statement is Official
X and I met with dr Plato and have solidified the hardiness vision statement. We are supposed to teach to this document and give it to all the therapists (done ^^) and tell them to help us support the children in developing hardiness / heartiness.
At home we hang up the list and point out when we ourselves do anything that is on the list (look, this is number 8, asking for help!) and when the kids do things on the list. This includes the kids helping the other kids to recognize when they are doing something that is on the list.
Dr Plato stated that a good teacher makes the abstract obvious, because just reading the list to them obviously isn't going to teach them much, since a lot of the list items are more abstract than concrete.
This will be interesting.
He asked for our feedback on this new approach. I told him that I liked the positive way to approach this and was looking forward to implementing it.
X's input was a bit more negative, but about me, nothing about the actual list. He claimed that I would not be capable of doing this, proven by the fact that I had said 'That builds character' to Bryan when he claimed boredom a few days ago.
Dr Plato asked him why he thought that was a bad thing to say. X 'She is saying this is not my problem, don't bother me! Frankly, I am not surprised at all that Bryan is so neurotic' (yes, he used that exact word for his son!) 'since she is so mean to him!'
Dr Plato asked what he would have answered when Bryan would have told him he was bored 'Well, I would have told him he could as well do his homework if he was bored anyway. He needs me to suggest things when he is bored!' Of course, my sarcastic self says that Bryan will never be bored at his house anyway because there is unlimited screen time.
Interesting to see how X still tries to blame everything on me. How there was no reflection on the vision statement at all, just on me. I was talking to my friend about it and she expressed that maybe I should always expect him to blame me so that I wouldn't be surprised.
At home we hang up the list and point out when we ourselves do anything that is on the list (look, this is number 8, asking for help!) and when the kids do things on the list. This includes the kids helping the other kids to recognize when they are doing something that is on the list.
Dr Plato stated that a good teacher makes the abstract obvious, because just reading the list to them obviously isn't going to teach them much, since a lot of the list items are more abstract than concrete.
This will be interesting.
He asked for our feedback on this new approach. I told him that I liked the positive way to approach this and was looking forward to implementing it.
X's input was a bit more negative, but about me, nothing about the actual list. He claimed that I would not be capable of doing this, proven by the fact that I had said 'That builds character' to Bryan when he claimed boredom a few days ago.
Dr Plato asked him why he thought that was a bad thing to say. X 'She is saying this is not my problem, don't bother me! Frankly, I am not surprised at all that Bryan is so neurotic' (yes, he used that exact word for his son!) 'since she is so mean to him!'
Dr Plato asked what he would have answered when Bryan would have told him he was bored 'Well, I would have told him he could as well do his homework if he was bored anyway. He needs me to suggest things when he is bored!' Of course, my sarcastic self says that Bryan will never be bored at his house anyway because there is unlimited screen time.
Interesting to see how X still tries to blame everything on me. How there was no reflection on the vision statement at all, just on me. I was talking to my friend about it and she expressed that maybe I should always expect him to blame me so that I wouldn't be surprised.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Juggling
This blog has been neglected a bit, which doesn't mean nothing is happening, I just haven't found the opportunity to sit down and write about it.
Every one has good moments and not so good moments.
Vincent has gotten his GED, quit his job and now spends 24/7 playing computer games... He does want to go to college, but hasn't made any moves yet in the direction to start making that happen.
Zac has not been visiting his weekly visits for about a month now, the only time he came over was Easter (there was candy after all ^^) He missed one day of school this week so far. The 'limiting computer time' at the ex's house is totally not working, I don't think there has been a very good attempt at all from the ex, which is both unsurprising and sad.
Ysa is doing a bit better, even if there are still moments like last night when she was kicking the doors because I didn't want to let her watch a South Park episode at 10pm.
The others have had interesting moments, and if I was in any way organized I would have documented them. But for now, just throwing out a 'I am alive and we are well' message.
I feel good about getting a lot of things done, even if blogging isn't one of the things. But I am keeping many balls in the air and not dropping many at all.
Every one has good moments and not so good moments.
Vincent has gotten his GED, quit his job and now spends 24/7 playing computer games... He does want to go to college, but hasn't made any moves yet in the direction to start making that happen.
Zac has not been visiting his weekly visits for about a month now, the only time he came over was Easter (there was candy after all ^^) He missed one day of school this week so far. The 'limiting computer time' at the ex's house is totally not working, I don't think there has been a very good attempt at all from the ex, which is both unsurprising and sad.
Ysa is doing a bit better, even if there are still moments like last night when she was kicking the doors because I didn't want to let her watch a South Park episode at 10pm.
The others have had interesting moments, and if I was in any way organized I would have documented them. But for now, just throwing out a 'I am alive and we are well' message.
I feel good about getting a lot of things done, even if blogging isn't one of the things. But I am keeping many balls in the air and not dropping many at all.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The Joys of Missing the Schoolbus
The good news: Ysa was doing much better most of the time with her aggression / anger, including being more willing to join family events and even interact with her siblings and me.
But as always, we are seeing some backslides in her progress. Last night she was annoyed with her younger siblings and told me 'If they continue like this I am going to KILL them! I don't care if you call the police, I don't care at all, I'd rather be in jail than with them!' ok... I didn't call her bluff, but removed her from the situation and distracted her with school work and I told her all about the parent information meeting I had attended at the high school and she calmed down.
She has missed the morning school bus yesterday and today though. Which of course is all my fault. I clearly don't care about her education. Especially not since I don't want to drop everything and leave Baby Bear sleeping in the house by herself to drive her to school every time she misses it. She refuses to take the town bus ('I HATE that bus! I am too young to take a bus by myself!!!!' Yes, even if she has done it to go shopping, she can't do it to go to school ^^)
So for the last two mornings she has called her dad, whining and bitching and yelling at me and explaining how I clearly don't care for her and how daddy should hurry, she is going to be late! This morning she also was slamming doors and chairs and everything, such fun. She said she would just go live with her dad now! Ok... I was calm enough not to yell back at her 'Good riddance!' but I will have to admit that that phrase did make a short appearance in the forefront of my mind when she was behaving this way.
But as always, we are seeing some backslides in her progress. Last night she was annoyed with her younger siblings and told me 'If they continue like this I am going to KILL them! I don't care if you call the police, I don't care at all, I'd rather be in jail than with them!' ok... I didn't call her bluff, but removed her from the situation and distracted her with school work and I told her all about the parent information meeting I had attended at the high school and she calmed down.
She has missed the morning school bus yesterday and today though. Which of course is all my fault. I clearly don't care about her education. Especially not since I don't want to drop everything and leave Baby Bear sleeping in the house by herself to drive her to school every time she misses it. She refuses to take the town bus ('I HATE that bus! I am too young to take a bus by myself!!!!' Yes, even if she has done it to go shopping, she can't do it to go to school ^^)
So for the last two mornings she has called her dad, whining and bitching and yelling at me and explaining how I clearly don't care for her and how daddy should hurry, she is going to be late! This morning she also was slamming doors and chairs and everything, such fun. She said she would just go live with her dad now! Ok... I was calm enough not to yell back at her 'Good riddance!' but I will have to admit that that phrase did make a short appearance in the forefront of my mind when she was behaving this way.
Thanks for All the Feedback
I incorporated most of it, the only thing I had trouble with was the independence. I agree that it is not mutually exlusive from team work, but I am still not sure how to put in the list and how much emphasis I want to put on it. My Aspergers kids are Very High on the spectrum of 'I don't need anyone, I don't want anyone, I'll just be a cat lady (Violet), everyone around me is an idiot! (Zac) and have made it very clear that they want to be on their own and do not particularly need or want anyone. I wonder how much I would encourage that by adding it to the list, or whether I should just trust that the independence part will happen naturally.
My kids always have been good at doing independent stuff when they felt like / when needed. So it is not an area I am too worried about. Which of course doesn't mean I don't have to verbalize it, so I don't know yet.
I will have to ponder this more ^^
My kids always have been good at doing independent stuff when they felt like / when needed. So it is not an area I am too worried about. Which of course doesn't mean I don't have to verbalize it, so I don't know yet.
I will have to ponder this more ^^
Monday, March 22, 2010
Getting Away from the Language of Fear and Anxiety
First draft of dr Plato's homework, a vision statement.
Any feedback is welcome.
Any feedback is welcome.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Dr Plato Rocks!
X and I have been getting together with dr Plato and his new plan is to work on the positive attributes we want the kids to have, all concerning hardiness / heartiness. Write a document about that (going into the underlying character qualities of it) and give that to all the therapists as a 'This is what we want/visualize, helps us to work on that for this kid.'
This approach fits very much into the parenting I have done since they were born and into how I live my own life. Focusing on the positive, even if there also should be dealing with the negative, but I think some of the therapists have been swaying a bit too much into the direction of focusing on the negatives.
This approach fits very much into the parenting I have done since they were born and into how I live my own life. Focusing on the positive, even if there also should be dealing with the negative, but I think some of the therapists have been swaying a bit too much into the direction of focusing on the negatives.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Lack of Life Skills?
Last Friday Ysa was supposed to go over to X's house. She spent the day at an old friend's house (they have been friends for like 8 years if not more?) and asked her dad to pick her up at that house. He had never actually been there, but she gave him the exact address so he could look it up and get her.
Two hours after she should have been picked up, she came home. 'E's mom dropped me off. Daddy called he never could find their house, so I can't come over tonight.'
And yet another visit not happening and another opportunity to see his daughter missed :(
How can you just leave your daughter like that? How can he not have called to say 'I can't find it , can you give me directions?' instead of 'Oh, too bad, you can't visit.'
Two hours after she should have been picked up, she came home. 'E's mom dropped me off. Daddy called he never could find their house, so I can't come over tonight.'
And yet another visit not happening and another opportunity to see his daughter missed :(
How can you just leave your daughter like that? How can he not have called to say 'I can't find it , can you give me directions?' instead of 'Oh, too bad, you can't visit.'
Thursday, March 4, 2010
The Other Kids
When Dr Plato met with me and X he also talked a lot about the other kids. He mentioned that they have serious problems too and whether we saw that. X claimed that the others do not really have any problems.
Ysa doesn't show ANY problems at his house. And she always had been the happiest child he has known and she should not say she wants to kill herself. She never has any explosions at his house, so he wonders what can be going on with her (Conveniently forgetting that she only spends a few hours a month at his house and he does not actually try to enforce any limits during these hours :p)
'The others don't have any problems either. Everything was just fine until a few years ago she (pointing at me) withdrew from me and the kids. All the kids problems started after I left the house, but I don't see them at my house. '
My mind boggles every time I get a glimpse into X's universe.
Ysa doesn't show ANY problems at his house. And she always had been the happiest child he has known and she should not say she wants to kill herself. She never has any explosions at his house, so he wonders what can be going on with her (Conveniently forgetting that she only spends a few hours a month at his house and he does not actually try to enforce any limits during these hours :p)
'The others don't have any problems either. Everything was just fine until a few years ago she (pointing at me) withdrew from me and the kids. All the kids problems started after I left the house, but I don't see them at my house. '
My mind boggles every time I get a glimpse into X's universe.
Window of Opportunity for Zac
Last school meeting, X never showed up (he forgot) and Dr Plato really pushed Zac again. The fact that Zac did not totally break down, didn't threaten to kill himself, in combination with the resilience Zac showed during the school meeting before this one, led dr Plato to believe that this is the time for action.
He told Zac he was going to tell his dad to turn off the computers and held him accountable for his work at school. No school work = no computers.
Zac and dr Plato negotiated that Zac should work three times 35 minutes (he is in for three periods if he makes it to school) and that would entitle him to computer that day.
Dr Plato did set up a meeting for X and me for yesterday to talk about it. He started with telling X that computer on the days that Zac does perform at school should be limited to 3x35 minutes of computer time because that is how much he worked. Not more. X did not like this 'How can I enforce that??? I am not home! I work! I don't get home till 7 or 8!'
Dr Plato offered the option of putting a password on the computer.
X didn't like it. 'I don't want to push all his computer time to the evening. It is going to be a big fight!'
Dr Plato 'Do you want to fight now or later? The consequences might be more severe later. There is a window of opportunity, he was showing some resilicience now.'
X 'Well, he didn't do well this week at all and didn't do well today at the psychiatrist!'
Dr Plato 'Yes, he will bitch whine cry complain, it is typical avoidance behavior. But we might never get another chance, we are running out of time. If we don't act now, you will have a chronically mentally ill adult that you own for the rest of your life. I am not saying you won't if we act now. Maybe nothing we do will help him. But this is your chance.'
'The computer is poison, it is an addiction, it is slowly poisoning him. Yes, if you take it away, he will argue, he will make your life hell, but he will engage. Engagement on conflict is much better than withdrawal on the computer.'
X said that he thought that taking away the computer would only take away a symptom, not take care of the cause. Dr Plato retorted by asking 'You are trying to make this in a chicken / egg problem, do you know what any farmer says when you ask him what came first, the chicken or the egg? They will say I don't have time for that crazy philosophical crap. I need to feed the chickens, I need to check the incubators, I need to make sure I breed the best hens. There is work to be done.'
There was a lot of back and forth between X and dr Plato and I don't know whether X got convinced and will actually do the computer limits like dr Plato proposes. It is very opposite to his 'Zac is a teen and needs to make his own decisions!' stance. Too bad he didn't voice that to dr Plato :p
Anyway, I hope that X will take this opportunity, but I am grounded enough in reality that I know he might not and there is not a darned thing I can do about it.
He told Zac he was going to tell his dad to turn off the computers and held him accountable for his work at school. No school work = no computers.
Zac and dr Plato negotiated that Zac should work three times 35 minutes (he is in for three periods if he makes it to school) and that would entitle him to computer that day.
Dr Plato did set up a meeting for X and me for yesterday to talk about it. He started with telling X that computer on the days that Zac does perform at school should be limited to 3x35 minutes of computer time because that is how much he worked. Not more. X did not like this 'How can I enforce that??? I am not home! I work! I don't get home till 7 or 8!'
Dr Plato offered the option of putting a password on the computer.
X didn't like it. 'I don't want to push all his computer time to the evening. It is going to be a big fight!'
Dr Plato 'Do you want to fight now or later? The consequences might be more severe later. There is a window of opportunity, he was showing some resilicience now.'
X 'Well, he didn't do well this week at all and didn't do well today at the psychiatrist!'
Dr Plato 'Yes, he will bitch whine cry complain, it is typical avoidance behavior. But we might never get another chance, we are running out of time. If we don't act now, you will have a chronically mentally ill adult that you own for the rest of your life. I am not saying you won't if we act now. Maybe nothing we do will help him. But this is your chance.'
'The computer is poison, it is an addiction, it is slowly poisoning him. Yes, if you take it away, he will argue, he will make your life hell, but he will engage. Engagement on conflict is much better than withdrawal on the computer.'
X said that he thought that taking away the computer would only take away a symptom, not take care of the cause. Dr Plato retorted by asking 'You are trying to make this in a chicken / egg problem, do you know what any farmer says when you ask him what came first, the chicken or the egg? They will say I don't have time for that crazy philosophical crap. I need to feed the chickens, I need to check the incubators, I need to make sure I breed the best hens. There is work to be done.'
There was a lot of back and forth between X and dr Plato and I don't know whether X got convinced and will actually do the computer limits like dr Plato proposes. It is very opposite to his 'Zac is a teen and needs to make his own decisions!' stance. Too bad he didn't voice that to dr Plato :p
Anyway, I hope that X will take this opportunity, but I am grounded enough in reality that I know he might not and there is not a darned thing I can do about it.
Does Mama Want Baby Bear to Get Hurt????
We were at therapy with Baby Bear and trying to get a handle on her not leaving the room when there were explosions happening. Trying to explain to her that for safety sometimes she does need to leave the room. Even if that means being away from me.
This was triggered by events during Penny's explosion when Penny was violent to her, but I was restraining Penny and was not able to physically help Baby Bear remove herself. It took a lot of talking and a long time and then she finally was willing to go with Violet.
Baby Bear has had other incidents that she'd rather stay with me and the exploding kid than get herself to a safe place, so that is something I want to work on with her.
The therapist tried to explain to Baby Bear that I was trying to make sure she didn't get hurt and did Baby Bear understand that? Baby Bear was busy playing with her dolls and didn't give enough feedback, so the therapist decided to write it down on the whiteboard. I am not confident anymore what she wrote, either the question 'Does mama want Baby Bear to get hurt?' or the statement 'Mama wants Baby Bear to get hurt.'
Under it she wrote:
YES
NO
??
She gave baby bear a marker to circle what she thought, and baby bear circled the ?? one. This was not what the therapist expected and she asked again and Baby Bear yet again circled the ?? one.
Then she decided to ask what about daddy? Does daddy want you to get hurt? Baby bear now very decisively circled NO.
I was sitting there 'Great, after 5 years of protecting them from his issues and divorcing him, this happens', also realizing that yes, my household has way more explosions at the moment because of setting limits and more time spent there and more kids at the same time, and I can understand that she feels in a way more protected at his place where they are only for a few hours and there are less violent explosions. Not to mention that she doesn't read yet and it seems unfair to put this sentence on the white board and expect her to give an answer like that.
The family therapist was 'very concerned' about her answer though and it looks like now it is coming back to haunt me in being labeled with 'lack of nurturing' 'lack of availability' and 'being aloof'.
Please give me a reality check. Does this question seem , put this way, feel like she was putting thoughts in Baby Bear's head the way she stated it? I have an iffy feeling about the whole interaction. I see what she wanted to try to do, she expected a resounding NO, but doesn't it feel a bit strange to do it in this way with a non reading / writing kid who is only 5 years old? A very mature 5 years old, but still... And she does recognize yes and no, but still... She definitely doesn't recognize or understand ?? symbols.
This was triggered by events during Penny's explosion when Penny was violent to her, but I was restraining Penny and was not able to physically help Baby Bear remove herself. It took a lot of talking and a long time and then she finally was willing to go with Violet.
Baby Bear has had other incidents that she'd rather stay with me and the exploding kid than get herself to a safe place, so that is something I want to work on with her.
The therapist tried to explain to Baby Bear that I was trying to make sure she didn't get hurt and did Baby Bear understand that? Baby Bear was busy playing with her dolls and didn't give enough feedback, so the therapist decided to write it down on the whiteboard. I am not confident anymore what she wrote, either the question 'Does mama want Baby Bear to get hurt?' or the statement 'Mama wants Baby Bear to get hurt.'
Under it she wrote:
YES
NO
??
She gave baby bear a marker to circle what she thought, and baby bear circled the ?? one. This was not what the therapist expected and she asked again and Baby Bear yet again circled the ?? one.
Then she decided to ask what about daddy? Does daddy want you to get hurt? Baby bear now very decisively circled NO.
I was sitting there 'Great, after 5 years of protecting them from his issues and divorcing him, this happens', also realizing that yes, my household has way more explosions at the moment because of setting limits and more time spent there and more kids at the same time, and I can understand that she feels in a way more protected at his place where they are only for a few hours and there are less violent explosions. Not to mention that she doesn't read yet and it seems unfair to put this sentence on the white board and expect her to give an answer like that.
The family therapist was 'very concerned' about her answer though and it looks like now it is coming back to haunt me in being labeled with 'lack of nurturing' 'lack of availability' and 'being aloof'.
Please give me a reality check. Does this question seem , put this way, feel like she was putting thoughts in Baby Bear's head the way she stated it? I have an iffy feeling about the whole interaction. I see what she wanted to try to do, she expected a resounding NO, but doesn't it feel a bit strange to do it in this way with a non reading / writing kid who is only 5 years old? A very mature 5 years old, but still... And she does recognize yes and no, but still... She definitely doesn't recognize or understand ?? symbols.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Book Case Organization...
Even although Penny has never been diagnosed with OCD, she definitely has some tendencies in that direction. Last week she decided to alphabetize the books on our living room's book shelves. Which went well until she found some Chinese books in between the English book. She gave them to me and refused to include them on the bookshelves, because it was impossible to decide where they would go in the alphabet and what would be the order within their group if she grouped all Chinese books together.
She was very adamant about it that these could NOT be in the book shelves.
At least it makes for a funny story ^^. For now I put the Chinese books on non alphabetized book shelves. Let's just hope she doesn't make it through all the book shelves in the house or I don't know what I will do with them :p
She was very adamant about it that these could NOT be in the book shelves.
At least it makes for a funny story ^^. For now I put the Chinese books on non alphabetized book shelves. Let's just hope she doesn't make it through all the book shelves in the house or I don't know what I will do with them :p
Friday, February 26, 2010
Hmmm, Anti Large Family?
Even although our family therapist has a lot of good things going for her, she also seems to have a bias against large families. She keeps asking why we had so many kids, and yesterday she stated that it is almost impossible to love this many kids and I sure shouldn't do any of my hobbies anymore because the kids need my time and energy too much.
Strike 1: yes, I can love and take care of that many kids, and there are a lot of advantages of a large family if only the abundance of sibling relationships and the amount of fun and love that there is, even if therapy necessarily focuses more on the problems in their relationships. It doesn't mean there are not many good moments too.
Strike 2: the dad and Zac have been complaining about my hobbies even although I spent considerable less time on my hobbies than dad does at the computer playing World of Warcraft. But god forbid mom should have a life at all!
Whatever, I will ignore the hobbies advice and the large family bias, since she also has good input regarding ways to deal with the kids. I am just annoyed right now that when Baby Bear puts four puppets in a house to play, two older kids and two younger kids, she writes down 'Ah, I see! Kids taking care of kids!' and how she keep trying to claim that Ysa had the mother role in the family and she is so angry now because she isn't the mother anymore. Huh?!
Strike 1: yes, I can love and take care of that many kids, and there are a lot of advantages of a large family if only the abundance of sibling relationships and the amount of fun and love that there is, even if therapy necessarily focuses more on the problems in their relationships. It doesn't mean there are not many good moments too.
Strike 2: the dad and Zac have been complaining about my hobbies even although I spent considerable less time on my hobbies than dad does at the computer playing World of Warcraft. But god forbid mom should have a life at all!
Whatever, I will ignore the hobbies advice and the large family bias, since she also has good input regarding ways to deal with the kids. I am just annoyed right now that when Baby Bear puts four puppets in a house to play, two older kids and two younger kids, she writes down 'Ah, I see! Kids taking care of kids!' and how she keep trying to claim that Ysa had the mother role in the family and she is so angry now because she isn't the mother anymore. Huh?!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Bowling...
Last week, Bryan's case manager Peter took Bryan bowling. Bryan told me 'I won! Easily! Peter is not a very good bowler!'
Given Bryan's athletic skills it is hard to imagine that Peter did his uttermost best to beat Bryan ^^ Or maybe Peter really is a lousy bowler.
Given Bryan's athletic skills it is hard to imagine that Peter did his uttermost best to beat Bryan ^^ Or maybe Peter really is a lousy bowler.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
She Has Left
Lots of issues, and tears and despair, but Penny decided to go with him to the local art gallery where they do a fun class on Saturday. After AVA she will come back home.
Summary 'I don't want going to daddy because Zac is there. Zac always is mean to me and daddy tells him not to, but he doesn't listen and keeps doing it over and over and papa says Zac has to make his own decisions, so he can't tell Zac not to play computer.' 'And anyway, the only reason I go to papa is because I get to play computer because I NEVER get to play computer at home because I have to school ALL THE TIME and I don't want to go to school anymore I want to be HOMESCHOOLED, just like the kids in Baby Blues. They get to be homeschooled, why can't I?!?!'
I see.
Summary 'I don't want going to daddy because Zac is there. Zac always is mean to me and daddy tells him not to, but he doesn't listen and keeps doing it over and over and papa says Zac has to make his own decisions, so he can't tell Zac not to play computer.' 'And anyway, the only reason I go to papa is because I get to play computer because I NEVER get to play computer at home because I have to school ALL THE TIME and I don't want to go to school anymore I want to be HOMESCHOOLED, just like the kids in Baby Blues. They get to be homeschooled, why can't I?!?!'
I see.
More Details on Last Weekend
Last Saturday Zac kept calling Penny a bitch and EVERYONE was mean to her. Not only is she not going anymore, but X told her 'You can't come over anymore if you behave like this', which she, unsurprisingly, heard as 'You can't come over anymore.' Which is just fine with Penny, she is totally done with visiting him.
Kind of a bummer to send such a message to your 10yo daughter. Today she is refusing to go, and even although I encouraged her yesterday, I am going to let her stay home today if he can't convince her, since I think therapist involvement would not be bad before the next visit. Both for Penny and for him, since I have a family therapist meeting with X and me on Thursday and this seems perfect to bring up.
As an aside on last weekend, Bryan and Baby Bear were going to visit him last Sunday, and had been looking forward to their special visit. But he told them 'No, you can't come anymore because Penny acted up and I am sick now.' Lovely, just lovely.
Kind of a bummer to send such a message to your 10yo daughter. Today she is refusing to go, and even although I encouraged her yesterday, I am going to let her stay home today if he can't convince her, since I think therapist involvement would not be bad before the next visit. Both for Penny and for him, since I have a family therapist meeting with X and me on Thursday and this seems perfect to bring up.
As an aside on last weekend, Bryan and Baby Bear were going to visit him last Sunday, and had been looking forward to their special visit. But he told them 'No, you can't come anymore because Penny acted up and I am sick now.' Lovely, just lovely.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Interesting Insight or the Law of Shifting One's Normal a Little Bit Every Day
Yesterday we had the Penny incident, which was a big freak out, but not particularly stressful or that noteworthy in my current life.
Today I was talking to Penny's therapist and she convinced me otherwise. This was not small potatoes. She said 'I bet you were really upset afterwards and stressed out. It would have been ok to call emergency services and run this by them and talk about it after the fact, even if you can't call during incidents like this.' When she said I must have been really upset I did realize that no, I was not upset at all, this felt like a minor blip on in my life, nothing big. When she said it could have been appropriate to call the police, I realized that yet again I was suffering from a 'Normal' which has shifted over time to an 'Not so normal after all'.
When Zac was younger, he had many sensory issues, and many explosive issues, and we all were used to his idiosyncracies and used to living with them, accomodating them, trying not to bother him, trying not to make him explode. Every day we accomodated him a bit more. Every day we broke another egg to add to the egg shells to walk on. Every day we shifted our normal just a tiny bit.
Until things got so out of whack that hospitalization was his only option. And I did take a step back and looked at all the egg shells on the floor in horror and realized that we had added to them day by day, shell by shell and not really noticed till they covered the whole floor. Our normal had shifted significantly.
When I was married to my ex, he had somewhat of a temper. Slowly he started yelling more and more. But things were ok as long as we stayed out of his way. We could just go out and do things away from the house. We had good moments in between the bad ones, so it would be negative to only look at his explosions, right?
He started destroying chairs and laundry baskets. He was throwing boots, emptying garbage cans, yelling more and more. But as long as we did nothing to upset him, it was only single incidents and of course our normal was just normal. Apart from his temper, but that only happened when we annoyed him. Or when the laundry was behind. Or when there were was too much clutter on the kitchen table. Of course that would annoy him. It would annoy everyone who worked so hard all week and just needed to relax now.
Every day our normal shifted a tiny bit. Every day we put more egg shells on the floor and tried not to step on them. Every day we adjusted just a bit more to a life where we constantly had to be careful not to trigger him.
Until he started saying things like 'Why don't you kill your kids?!' and his incidents got more and more frequent and more and more scary. Until Zac went to school crying and with a panic attack because his dad was so out of control when I wanted to donate videos to the thrift store. Until I realized that our normal had been pushed over lines it should not be pushed over for anyone.
That was when my eyes opened to the reality and when we got separated.
And again I find myself in a 'shifting normals' situation where Penny's incident felt like almost nothing , but outside input made me realize that oh, maybe it was significant after all. And maybe a new visit to the police station to talk about possible calls from our home is in order. And maybe I should look at my normal and try to see it with outsider eyes instead of with 'boring old; same over and over; no big deal' eyes.
- She is only 10 years old, so even although she was attacking people, it was not impossible to prevent her from harming them;
- She always explodes big, but once she finally calms down, she actually IS calm and can talk about what happened and process it;
- It really is small potatoes compared to Zac's past incidents.
Today I was talking to Penny's therapist and she convinced me otherwise. This was not small potatoes. She said 'I bet you were really upset afterwards and stressed out. It would have been ok to call emergency services and run this by them and talk about it after the fact, even if you can't call during incidents like this.' When she said I must have been really upset I did realize that no, I was not upset at all, this felt like a minor blip on in my life, nothing big. When she said it could have been appropriate to call the police, I realized that yet again I was suffering from a 'Normal' which has shifted over time to an 'Not so normal after all'.
When Zac was younger, he had many sensory issues, and many explosive issues, and we all were used to his idiosyncracies and used to living with them, accomodating them, trying not to bother him, trying not to make him explode. Every day we accomodated him a bit more. Every day we broke another egg to add to the egg shells to walk on. Every day we shifted our normal just a tiny bit.
Until things got so out of whack that hospitalization was his only option. And I did take a step back and looked at all the egg shells on the floor in horror and realized that we had added to them day by day, shell by shell and not really noticed till they covered the whole floor. Our normal had shifted significantly.
When I was married to my ex, he had somewhat of a temper. Slowly he started yelling more and more. But things were ok as long as we stayed out of his way. We could just go out and do things away from the house. We had good moments in between the bad ones, so it would be negative to only look at his explosions, right?
He started destroying chairs and laundry baskets. He was throwing boots, emptying garbage cans, yelling more and more. But as long as we did nothing to upset him, it was only single incidents and of course our normal was just normal. Apart from his temper, but that only happened when we annoyed him. Or when the laundry was behind. Or when there were was too much clutter on the kitchen table. Of course that would annoy him. It would annoy everyone who worked so hard all week and just needed to relax now.
Every day our normal shifted a tiny bit. Every day we put more egg shells on the floor and tried not to step on them. Every day we adjusted just a bit more to a life where we constantly had to be careful not to trigger him.
Until he started saying things like 'Why don't you kill your kids?!' and his incidents got more and more frequent and more and more scary. Until Zac went to school crying and with a panic attack because his dad was so out of control when I wanted to donate videos to the thrift store. Until I realized that our normal had been pushed over lines it should not be pushed over for anyone.
That was when my eyes opened to the reality and when we got separated.
And again I find myself in a 'shifting normals' situation where Penny's incident felt like almost nothing , but outside input made me realize that oh, maybe it was significant after all. And maybe a new visit to the police station to talk about possible calls from our home is in order. And maybe I should look at my normal and try to see it with outsider eyes instead of with 'boring old; same over and over; no big deal' eyes.
Penny
Yesterday Penny got REALLY upset which started with me asking the kids
to help me shovel the driveway. She put her face up to Bryan's face and SCREAMED as loudly as she could, slammed doors.
She often does calm down after a bit, so Bryan, Baby Bear and I went outside to start shoveling, and after a while she came out but was still in a bad mood. She claimed her coat was wet and she couldn't shovel. When I proposed to either use another coat or wear a sweater under her coat (she was wearing a tanktop) she disappeared inside again. She came outside and started yelling that she couldn't zip up her coat and she needed help and I clearly hated her and she couldn't hear me and more of that. I told her that she could come down the driveway where I was shoveling and I would help her, and after a lot of screaming she did, where she proceeded to YELL, SCREAM in my face, and throw herself on the driveway, claiming that I clearly hated her and I wasn't helping her and I was just saying horrible things to her and I was trying to kill her. I was talking to her and said I loved
her but this was not acceptable behavior and I would help her once she could calm down. She never did and kept screaming and kicking the ground.
By that time Violet had come out too and helped shovel while Penny was having her temper tantrum. After a while we were done shoveling and went back inside, where Penny proceeded to be upset. Ysa was not helping by mimicking her, and she got so mad about that that she started hitting her. I sat in between them to prevent things, but Penny kept escalating and was hitting, kicking and even biting Ysa. I had to restrain her, and even then she still managed to kick Baby Bear, and throw things at Ysa (mostly clothing items, although I intervened when she tried to throw a brown paper bag with a tin can inside. The socks and scarves and everything else I let her throw. She threatened to kill Ysa several times. She threatened to kill Baby Bear. She threatened to kill me. She claimed I was killing her.
I offered her her corner, or to go to my room with me and some food, but she kept refusing and she kept refusing to promise to not attack people. I talked about her using her skills but she was beyond any coping skills and just was erupting. At some point she grudgingly said 'I will not attack them if they just stay out of my way!' but I felt conditional safety was not enough with her in this mood. 'In her way' could be interpreted quite broadly in her state of mind. I felt at a loss what to do, beyond being there, preventing her from hurting others (she tried to bite me, but never was successful) and talking calmly and offering food and solitude, and after a while she did calm down some what and we did end up in my room with food and she totally calmed down. She claimed she never had problems like that before she started school, but I did not agree with that ^^
I would have wanted to call emergency services, but I had no way to keep her and the other kids safe while talking on the phone and once the episode was over I didn't feel I needed them anymore. I could have called the police but that felt like an overreaction. I will talk to her therapist how to handle these situations when she is out of control like this and impossible to calm down. When we did talk about things, she said she was hurting Ysa because she was being a poopyhead but Baby Bear she was hurting just because she was there.
to help me shovel the driveway. She put her face up to Bryan's face and SCREAMED as loudly as she could, slammed doors.
She often does calm down after a bit, so Bryan, Baby Bear and I went outside to start shoveling, and after a while she came out but was still in a bad mood. She claimed her coat was wet and she couldn't shovel. When I proposed to either use another coat or wear a sweater under her coat (she was wearing a tanktop) she disappeared inside again. She came outside and started yelling that she couldn't zip up her coat and she needed help and I clearly hated her and she couldn't hear me and more of that. I told her that she could come down the driveway where I was shoveling and I would help her, and after a lot of screaming she did, where she proceeded to YELL, SCREAM in my face, and throw herself on the driveway, claiming that I clearly hated her and I wasn't helping her and I was just saying horrible things to her and I was trying to kill her. I was talking to her and said I loved
her but this was not acceptable behavior and I would help her once she could calm down. She never did and kept screaming and kicking the ground.
By that time Violet had come out too and helped shovel while Penny was having her temper tantrum. After a while we were done shoveling and went back inside, where Penny proceeded to be upset. Ysa was not helping by mimicking her, and she got so mad about that that she started hitting her. I sat in between them to prevent things, but Penny kept escalating and was hitting, kicking and even biting Ysa. I had to restrain her, and even then she still managed to kick Baby Bear, and throw things at Ysa (mostly clothing items, although I intervened when she tried to throw a brown paper bag with a tin can inside. The socks and scarves and everything else I let her throw. She threatened to kill Ysa several times. She threatened to kill Baby Bear. She threatened to kill me. She claimed I was killing her.
I offered her her corner, or to go to my room with me and some food, but she kept refusing and she kept refusing to promise to not attack people. I talked about her using her skills but she was beyond any coping skills and just was erupting. At some point she grudgingly said 'I will not attack them if they just stay out of my way!' but I felt conditional safety was not enough with her in this mood. 'In her way' could be interpreted quite broadly in her state of mind. I felt at a loss what to do, beyond being there, preventing her from hurting others (she tried to bite me, but never was successful) and talking calmly and offering food and solitude, and after a while she did calm down some what and we did end up in my room with food and she totally calmed down. She claimed she never had problems like that before she started school, but I did not agree with that ^^
I would have wanted to call emergency services, but I had no way to keep her and the other kids safe while talking on the phone and once the episode was over I didn't feel I needed them anymore. I could have called the police but that felt like an overreaction. I will talk to her therapist how to handle these situations when she is out of control like this and impossible to calm down. When we did talk about things, she said she was hurting Ysa because she was being a poopyhead but Baby Bear she was hurting just because she was there.
Monday, February 15, 2010
I am NEVER EVER EVER ...
Penny after her Saturday visit: 'I am NEVER EVER EVER EVER! going to daddy's house again!'
Hmmm, I think I have heard this before ^^
I haven't heard the specifics yet, because I usually just let her rant and rave and discharge just after it happens and talk about it more in depth the next day. Only the next day was Valentine's Day, so we were busy doing stuff for that.
The bits I did get 'EVERYBODY was teasing me! Zac was calling me a bitch!' From the others 'Penny screamed so loud that the neighbors came over to ask about it.' It sounds like she didn't want to leave and that is what started the fun, although it looks like it escalated a bit...
I wonder what happened, but in a way I am happy that now he can't say anymore 'Penny never has ANY problems at my house! '
He left Bryan with Zac while he took Baby Bear to a birthday party (to which Bryan also was invited, but he'd rather play computer games at X's house). Bryan said 'it was ok, since Vincent was there' but then later told me that Vincent was asleep all the time. Gah.
Hmmm, I think I have heard this before ^^
I haven't heard the specifics yet, because I usually just let her rant and rave and discharge just after it happens and talk about it more in depth the next day. Only the next day was Valentine's Day, so we were busy doing stuff for that.
The bits I did get 'EVERYBODY was teasing me! Zac was calling me a bitch!' From the others 'Penny screamed so loud that the neighbors came over to ask about it.' It sounds like she didn't want to leave and that is what started the fun, although it looks like it escalated a bit...
I wonder what happened, but in a way I am happy that now he can't say anymore 'Penny never has ANY problems at my house! '
He left Bryan with Zac while he took Baby Bear to a birthday party (to which Bryan also was invited, but he'd rather play computer games at X's house). Bryan said 'it was ok, since Vincent was there' but then later told me that Vincent was asleep all the time. Gah.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Haha
Guess who missed the school bus again this morning?
Yup, Ysa.
She came back into the house, annoyed 'I missed the school bus, I will just call daddy!'
Picks up the phone 'Daddy? Could you please drive me to school? I missed the bus and mama is too lazy to drive me! And she said she will call the police on me if I don't go to school!' (which is interesting, since I have not said that, but I think her assistant principal might have mentioned it to her when she came in so late on Monday) After a moment of silence, she added 'Thank you, daddy!' in a very sweet voice.
There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and 'You are stupid for using the police as a taxi service if YOU could just drive me to school instead!'
I did talk to the girls case manager about the 'miss school bus / daddy = savior' issue, and Zac's case manager will talk to X about it. I am not holding my breath for X getting it though, and I can see where it is much better for X to be the good cop, so he can feed into his 'I am a great father and she is a horrible mother' view of the world. I have filed it all in my 'Whatever' bin.
Yup, Ysa.
She came back into the house, annoyed 'I missed the school bus, I will just call daddy!'
Picks up the phone 'Daddy? Could you please drive me to school? I missed the bus and mama is too lazy to drive me! And she said she will call the police on me if I don't go to school!' (which is interesting, since I have not said that, but I think her assistant principal might have mentioned it to her when she came in so late on Monday) After a moment of silence, she added 'Thank you, daddy!' in a very sweet voice.
There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and 'You are stupid for using the police as a taxi service if YOU could just drive me to school instead!'
I did talk to the girls case manager about the 'miss school bus / daddy = savior' issue, and Zac's case manager will talk to X about it. I am not holding my breath for X getting it though, and I can see where it is much better for X to be the good cop, so he can feed into his 'I am a great father and she is a horrible mother' view of the world. I have filed it all in my 'Whatever' bin.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Ysa
Yes, I am behind in updating everything, today is Ysa catchup day.
Late January, she had her meds eval, and the psychiatrist felt strongly that she was just angry, spitting mad angry and didn't need meds. She even questioned whether therapy was helpful at all right now, since Ysa clearly isn't in a space yet that she is willing to talk, making it harder to benefit from therapy. The general feeling is that therapy makes her even more angry.
In consultation with her therapist we decided to stop therapy for now, but have immediate consequences for
1. Threatening to kill oneself : ambulance gets called
2. Hurting others : police gets called.
She has been doing well so far, I think she is realizing that we were not joking and this is what is going to happen and she has been able to change that part of her behavior. She is participating in a school play too, and I feel that that is helping her in addition to the new 'rules'. We'll see.
Getting up has been an issue lately, she missed the school bus last Thursday and Friday (which in our house means 'take the public bus to school'). She does NOT like that and always calls her dad 'Daddy? Please drive me to school because mom is too lazy!' Whatever ^^ Naturally, he drops everything and drives her.
Yesterday was more fun though. She did her usual missing the bus routine, but I had a dentist appointment with Baby Bear and told her she could come to that and walk to school from there. (about 5 or 10 minutes from the dentist). She must not have heard the walking part, because when we arrived at the dentist she asked 'WHY DIDN"T YOU DROP ME OFF AT SCHOOL????!'. I told her we had an appointment and no time to drop her off, but she could walk and she got mad, but started walking. At least, that's what it looked like.
Forty five minutes later we come out of the dentist and guess who is sitting in the car? 'I didn't feel like walking. I can just skip a bunch of classes, I'll call daddy when we come home.'
Um...
no.
I drove her to school and she crossed her arms over her chest and said 'I AM NOT COMING OUT!' I said 'ok', took Baby Bear and we went into the school. I smiled at the secretary and stated 'We have a small problem. Ysa doesn't want to come to school and is in the car refusing to get out, is there anyone who could talk to her?' She got the assistant principal who had a very nice demeanor and said 'Call me any time if she refuses to come to school, I can come to your house with the police to get her if needed.'
He walked to the car, opened the door, and very matter of factly and calmly stated 'Ysa, it is your job to be in school. Let's go.' She got out, followed him and went into the school.
Today she did make it to the bus in time.
Late January, she had her meds eval, and the psychiatrist felt strongly that she was just angry, spitting mad angry and didn't need meds. She even questioned whether therapy was helpful at all right now, since Ysa clearly isn't in a space yet that she is willing to talk, making it harder to benefit from therapy. The general feeling is that therapy makes her even more angry.
In consultation with her therapist we decided to stop therapy for now, but have immediate consequences for
1. Threatening to kill oneself : ambulance gets called
2. Hurting others : police gets called.
She has been doing well so far, I think she is realizing that we were not joking and this is what is going to happen and she has been able to change that part of her behavior. She is participating in a school play too, and I feel that that is helping her in addition to the new 'rules'. We'll see.
Getting up has been an issue lately, she missed the school bus last Thursday and Friday (which in our house means 'take the public bus to school'). She does NOT like that and always calls her dad 'Daddy? Please drive me to school because mom is too lazy!' Whatever ^^ Naturally, he drops everything and drives her.
Yesterday was more fun though. She did her usual missing the bus routine, but I had a dentist appointment with Baby Bear and told her she could come to that and walk to school from there. (about 5 or 10 minutes from the dentist). She must not have heard the walking part, because when we arrived at the dentist she asked 'WHY DIDN"T YOU DROP ME OFF AT SCHOOL????!'. I told her we had an appointment and no time to drop her off, but she could walk and she got mad, but started walking. At least, that's what it looked like.
Forty five minutes later we come out of the dentist and guess who is sitting in the car? 'I didn't feel like walking. I can just skip a bunch of classes, I'll call daddy when we come home.'
Um...
no.
I drove her to school and she crossed her arms over her chest and said 'I AM NOT COMING OUT!' I said 'ok', took Baby Bear and we went into the school. I smiled at the secretary and stated 'We have a small problem. Ysa doesn't want to come to school and is in the car refusing to get out, is there anyone who could talk to her?' She got the assistant principal who had a very nice demeanor and said 'Call me any time if she refuses to come to school, I can come to your house with the police to get her if needed.'
He walked to the car, opened the door, and very matter of factly and calmly stated 'Ysa, it is your job to be in school. Let's go.' She got out, followed him and went into the school.
Today she did make it to the bus in time.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
A More Advanced Family
Bryan's therapist asked him why he said things like 'I am going to kill myself' at home but not at school. He said that it would scare the kids at school, but it doesn't scare his siblings, because we are 'a more advanced family.' The therapist asked what made us an advanced family. Bryan replied 'Well, me and my siblings know more swears and more about sex than the kids at school.'
Geez, thanks Bryan, for putting our family in such a good light... He said that Vincent and Zac have taught him a lot about sex by talking about sex when he was in the room, not specifically to him, but he says he learned a lot by listening to them.
Geez, thanks Bryan, for putting our family in such a good light... He said that Vincent and Zac have taught him a lot about sex by talking about sex when he was in the room, not specifically to him, but he says he learned a lot by listening to them.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Today's Zac Meeting (looooooooooong)
Today's Zac meeting was interesting to say the least. The school psychologist asked whether Zac was willing to start in a regular class again this semester. Zac replied that he didn't think that was a good idea. The psychologist noted that his attendance has been up and down and that any setback at school translates to yet another school refusal period.
The vice principal proposed to go the GED and school-to-work program route, since the current school program clearly isn't working. They talked for a while about pre-GED testing and the Vocational Rehab program and about what kind of things are expected in a work situation.
- follow directions
- punctuality
- be presentable
- nice clothing
- good hygiene
During an earlier meeting Zac had said he would be willing to volunteer, although today he first stated he preferred to volunteer for politicians. When they told him that that wasn't an option for school supported volunteering, he agreed that volunteering at the thrift store or at a local community center might work too.
Dr Plato offered that Zac doesn't like to be evaluated, and asked Zac whether he was ready for the evaluations and commitments he would need to endure for a job. Zac said 'I don't know.' Plato warned that Zac gets disappointed easily and could give up.
I noticed that dr Plato mostly listened during the main meeting, didn't have a lot of input beyond some tempering words here.
But after the main meeting was over and most people were leaving, dr Plato asked Zac, me, Zac's dad and the psychologist to stay behind so he could talk with us.
Dr Plato started out with asking X how Zac's mood has been lately.
X told him that it was great for the last two weeks, and Zac had put himself on a sleep schedule which was better than any one else in his house. (My cynic note to myself: Yeah, that is why Zac made it to school only one day out of the four days of that first week :p)
The school psychologist said that things like book reports really paralyze Zac, because he doesn't know how to do a book report. Dr Plato perked up. 'Ah! here is where you can see how he is being poisoned by not knowing how to do a book report. He doesn't know and he does not have an antidote for not knowing. All of us encounter the poison of not knowing. But most of us have developed antidotes for it.' He went around the room and asked what people used for antidotes.
The school psychologist said that he wrote down things on paper and when he was anxious, he would recite poetry in his head (like The Cremation of Sam McGee)
X said that he made lists.
I said that I talked to friends and divided tasks into baby steps. Dr Plato grabbed onto that one by rephrasing it into asking for help. He compared my antidote of asking for help with Zac's antidote of anguish and anxiety.
He turned to X and stated that Zac and him should find a way to help Zac develop hardiness at home and ways to help him feel more powerful, less helpless.
Panic is not an effective antidote to deal with problems / not knowing.
Zac by now was starting to get fidgety and said he wanted to leave, hid his face, started being whiny and stated he would just burn down the building. Dr Plato challenged him right into his face and said him 'Leaving this meeting is your problem, now solve it. Show us your problem solving abilities.'
Zac said he could just get up and leave but X had the car so that doesn't work. He got more and more worked up and stated that he was just fucking worthless and would kill himself. Dr Plato was not impressed and used it as a way of showing that Zac desperately needed to learn better coping skills. He feels Zac has gotten really good at performing something that looks like anxiety, but it really is defiance. He is good at portraying himself as way more wounded than he actually is. He has learned the language of anxiety, but the way he managed to calm himself down during today's meeting when his threats and whining didn't work shows that he can control it.
Zac's avoidance response is so fast and so intense that he often does get away with it. Dr Plato told X that he should not allow Zac escape his problems. That Zac still lacks the ability to ask for help. That even people with low intellect who have learned to ask for help function on a higher level than Zac does now.
Dr Plato does not expect a high level of success from this new GED / school to work program. I agree. But at this point I am not sure what would be a successful program, and X has taken on the responsibility, so I'll let the two of them figure out how to teach Zac to problem solve, to ask for help and to not use escape as the best solution for any setbacks. Good luck to them.
Frankly I think the school just wants him out of there and hopes that the GED will accomplish just that. I don't know that the school has been extremely helpful or useful during the last years, so it is time to let go of dreams, accept reality and hope for the best. At least if he has a GED he might be able to use that as a stepping stool if he matures enough to develop better coping and problem solving skills.
The vice principal proposed to go the GED and school-to-work program route, since the current school program clearly isn't working. They talked for a while about pre-GED testing and the Vocational Rehab program and about what kind of things are expected in a work situation.
- follow directions
- punctuality
- be presentable
- nice clothing
- good hygiene
During an earlier meeting Zac had said he would be willing to volunteer, although today he first stated he preferred to volunteer for politicians. When they told him that that wasn't an option for school supported volunteering, he agreed that volunteering at the thrift store or at a local community center might work too.
Dr Plato offered that Zac doesn't like to be evaluated, and asked Zac whether he was ready for the evaluations and commitments he would need to endure for a job. Zac said 'I don't know.' Plato warned that Zac gets disappointed easily and could give up.
I noticed that dr Plato mostly listened during the main meeting, didn't have a lot of input beyond some tempering words here.
But after the main meeting was over and most people were leaving, dr Plato asked Zac, me, Zac's dad and the psychologist to stay behind so he could talk with us.
Dr Plato started out with asking X how Zac's mood has been lately.
X told him that it was great for the last two weeks, and Zac had put himself on a sleep schedule which was better than any one else in his house. (My cynic note to myself: Yeah, that is why Zac made it to school only one day out of the four days of that first week :p)
The school psychologist said that things like book reports really paralyze Zac, because he doesn't know how to do a book report. Dr Plato perked up. 'Ah! here is where you can see how he is being poisoned by not knowing how to do a book report. He doesn't know and he does not have an antidote for not knowing. All of us encounter the poison of not knowing. But most of us have developed antidotes for it.' He went around the room and asked what people used for antidotes.
The school psychologist said that he wrote down things on paper and when he was anxious, he would recite poetry in his head (like The Cremation of Sam McGee)
X said that he made lists.
I said that I talked to friends and divided tasks into baby steps. Dr Plato grabbed onto that one by rephrasing it into asking for help. He compared my antidote of asking for help with Zac's antidote of anguish and anxiety.
He turned to X and stated that Zac and him should find a way to help Zac develop hardiness at home and ways to help him feel more powerful, less helpless.
Panic is not an effective antidote to deal with problems / not knowing.
Zac by now was starting to get fidgety and said he wanted to leave, hid his face, started being whiny and stated he would just burn down the building. Dr Plato challenged him right into his face and said him 'Leaving this meeting is your problem, now solve it. Show us your problem solving abilities.'
Zac said he could just get up and leave but X had the car so that doesn't work. He got more and more worked up and stated that he was just fucking worthless and would kill himself. Dr Plato was not impressed and used it as a way of showing that Zac desperately needed to learn better coping skills. He feels Zac has gotten really good at performing something that looks like anxiety, but it really is defiance. He is good at portraying himself as way more wounded than he actually is. He has learned the language of anxiety, but the way he managed to calm himself down during today's meeting when his threats and whining didn't work shows that he can control it.
Zac's avoidance response is so fast and so intense that he often does get away with it. Dr Plato told X that he should not allow Zac escape his problems. That Zac still lacks the ability to ask for help. That even people with low intellect who have learned to ask for help function on a higher level than Zac does now.
Dr Plato does not expect a high level of success from this new GED / school to work program. I agree. But at this point I am not sure what would be a successful program, and X has taken on the responsibility, so I'll let the two of them figure out how to teach Zac to problem solve, to ask for help and to not use escape as the best solution for any setbacks. Good luck to them.
Frankly I think the school just wants him out of there and hopes that the GED will accomplish just that. I don't know that the school has been extremely helpful or useful during the last years, so it is time to let go of dreams, accept reality and hope for the best. At least if he has a GED he might be able to use that as a stepping stool if he matures enough to develop better coping and problem solving skills.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
'Stop and Think!' Bag
Baby Bear came home with her very own special 'Stop and Think' bag after her case manager outing. It is both a reminder for her to stop and think before she starts getting physical towards people. And it has some stuff for her to DO when she gets mad. So far she has a stress ball and a tiny magic 8 ball in it. Let's hope it will work for her. I have a bruise on my leg from when she bit me a few days ago, ouch!
Zac School Stuff
Zac still has truancy issues, making it a few days last week, and only one day the week before. The days that he doesn't make it it usually is because he is scared of going to school. He'd rather stay home and play video games all day. Since that is much safer...
Tomorrow we have a meeting with dr Plato at school. Will be interesting to hear his input.
Tomorrow we have a meeting with dr Plato at school. Will be interesting to hear his input.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Drama Queen in Training
We spend quite a lot of time in the thrift store as we were doing a few days ago. I was helping the older girls find some clothing for their concert, while Baby Bear went through the toys and art supplies and found something she desperately wanted. NOW! Her whole happiness was dependent on owning this one very special item.
I told her no, and she was annoyed at me and mad and asked a few more times before she decided to dramatize the moment a bit more. 'If I don't get this, I am going to die!!!!!!!!' Not quite convinced, I answered 'That seems unlikely.' Upping the threat, she claimed 'I am going to die the day before my birthday! No! The day before Bryan's birthday! NO! I will die the day before YOUR birthday!' Having a hard time not laughing out loud I told her that that would make me very sad. I could feel the amusement of the shoppers around me who were watching this tiny girl having a big temper tantrum.
End result was a girl being carried out of the store kicking and screaming after she bit me in the leg. Wow. Can't wait for her to turn into a teenager and get her dramatics fine tuned even more :p
I told her no, and she was annoyed at me and mad and asked a few more times before she decided to dramatize the moment a bit more. 'If I don't get this, I am going to die!!!!!!!!' Not quite convinced, I answered 'That seems unlikely.' Upping the threat, she claimed 'I am going to die the day before my birthday! No! The day before Bryan's birthday! NO! I will die the day before YOUR birthday!' Having a hard time not laughing out loud I told her that that would make me very sad. I could feel the amusement of the shoppers around me who were watching this tiny girl having a big temper tantrum.
End result was a girl being carried out of the store kicking and screaming after she bit me in the leg. Wow. Can't wait for her to turn into a teenager and get her dramatics fine tuned even more :p
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I Am NEVER EVER EVER Going to Daddy's House Again!
Saturday night Penny came home from a visit very upset.
'Baby Bear kept pulling my hair and she wouldn't stop and she hurt me and daddy did NOTHING about it and I am NEVER going there again!'
From what I understood from Baby Bear and Penny is that they got into a fight, and Baby Bear was upset with Penny and started pulling her hair, and things detoriated. Penny said 'Daddy tried to make her stop doing it, but gave up after a few times. I don't want to go there anymore! Baby Bear will hurt me again!'
Today Penny told me that Vincent tried to help and even lectured daddy that he shouldn't let Baby Bear get away with it. 'But daddy didn't seem to care! He never shows his emotions, only when he yells.' Interesting how Vincent more and more seems to be taking over the role of grownup in that household.
'Baby Bear kept pulling my hair and she wouldn't stop and she hurt me and daddy did NOTHING about it and I am NEVER going there again!'
From what I understood from Baby Bear and Penny is that they got into a fight, and Baby Bear was upset with Penny and started pulling her hair, and things detoriated. Penny said 'Daddy tried to make her stop doing it, but gave up after a few times. I don't want to go there anymore! Baby Bear will hurt me again!'
Today Penny told me that Vincent tried to help and even lectured daddy that he shouldn't let Baby Bear get away with it. 'But daddy didn't seem to care! He never shows his emotions, only when he yells.' Interesting how Vincent more and more seems to be taking over the role of grownup in that household.
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Optimistic Child
During our last 'big meeting', dr Plato recommended a book named 'The Optimistic Child' by Martin E. Seligman. It took me a while, but (after finding it in my own darned basement of all places) I finally started reading it. I am only at the beginning chapters of the book but I like what I have read so far.
The book talks about 'a proven program to safeguard children against depression and build lifelong resilience'. I found a pretty good summary / review of the book here.
I am looking forward to reading the book and putting into practice all the new techniques I will be learning. I am a very optimistic person. In a way I seem to have thought that my kids would pick this up by osmosis, just by modeling optimistic behavior and good problem solving techniques. Especially since I always have been the primary caregiver and the ex's pessimism was mostly withdrawal, so how could they be influenced by that???? Nice when the world is clear and black and white like that.
Only, as always it isn't. Yes, I am optimistic, but no, my kids are NOT picking it up by osmosis as much as I would have liked them to. Actually they seem to have picked up WAY more pessimism from the ex than they have picked up optimism from me. Which is not fair of course, but we all know how totally non productive the 'not fair!' whining is as opposed to the 'this is where we are, what are the issues, how can we move into the direction we want to?' thinking.
So I am reading this book and hopefully will be able to use it to teach my kids optimism in a more concrete way than I have been doing so far.
The book talks about 'a proven program to safeguard children against depression and build lifelong resilience'. I found a pretty good summary / review of the book here.
I am looking forward to reading the book and putting into practice all the new techniques I will be learning. I am a very optimistic person. In a way I seem to have thought that my kids would pick this up by osmosis, just by modeling optimistic behavior and good problem solving techniques. Especially since I always have been the primary caregiver and the ex's pessimism was mostly withdrawal, so how could they be influenced by that???? Nice when the world is clear and black and white like that.
Only, as always it isn't. Yes, I am optimistic, but no, my kids are NOT picking it up by osmosis as much as I would have liked them to. Actually they seem to have picked up WAY more pessimism from the ex than they have picked up optimism from me. Which is not fair of course, but we all know how totally non productive the 'not fair!' whining is as opposed to the 'this is where we are, what are the issues, how can we move into the direction we want to?' thinking.
So I am reading this book and hopefully will be able to use it to teach my kids optimism in a more concrete way than I have been doing so far.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
OCD Funny
Yesterday I was visiting a friend and we were doing quite a lot of cooking with timers needed. First she used the microwave timer and then used another timer for the second dish. An hour later, when I did my share of the cooking I found myself making sure I used these two timers in exactly that order, because I am soooooooooo used to people caring about stuff like that. I was amused at myself and shared my thinking with her. She hadn't even noticed my thoughtfulness, glad I pointed it out to her :D
Monday, January 11, 2010
Today's Therapist Meeting
Today Yet Another meeting of all the kids therapists.
Zac is still not doing well. His dad 'He did very well for the first two days after the vacation and then his anxieties got worse again. This morning he refused to get out of bed, and was afraid he would get hurt at school.'
Family therapist (FT) 'Does he have any anti anxiety medication?'
His dad 'Yes, but he does not want to take it. He is scared of it.'
My sarcastic reaction (not out loud) 'Yeah, if the choices are taking anti anxiety med and going to school, or sleeping in as long as you want and then play as much computer as you want, I can see why he doesn't want to take them.'
Penny's therapist is still getting to know her, since her 'old' therapist left the practice. She says Penny is very motivated, fun to work with, and very creative. For now they are working on figuring out how long she can go without hitting and / or screaming so they have a baseline and then can set reasonable goals based on that. The therapist then would reward her for 'two days without hitting' and similar goals and slowly increase on these. It is a system which in the past has worked well for Penny. I don't think she has made one day without screaming yet.
They also have touched on all the scary things she has seen in the last few years, between Zac and dad, and Bryan's issues, and Ysa's explosions. Penny agreed there were scary things, but she does not like to talk about them. For now they are sorting things into 'easy to talk about', medium to hard to talk about' and 'really hard to talk about' and will do a little bit every session.
Baby Bear still issues with hitting her siblings. Her dad explained that it is because Penny is so bossy and aggressive and because Zac gets upset because 'The little ones are so present and noisy and they interfere with EVERYTHING!' (is that Zac talking or dad talking? :p)
Bryan's therapist is out of the office, so couldn't make it to the meeting. His dad wanted to raise an issue about Bryan though. He stated that the teacher at school didn't see what I was seeing at home, and how Bryan was just fine when they did art at the art gallery.
He gave us are two theories:
1. At home he behaves worse than at school.
2. I, as his mother, have problems judging Bryan's behavior and things really aren't that bad, and how can they fix him at school if it is all problems because of his home environment????
He also has called the school and wants to talk to the school psychologist about the discrepancy between mine and the teacher's results. The funny thing is that he himself had a questionnaire to fill out too, but did not fill out most of it, which made it impossible to rate it and use it in any of the comparisons.
I have thought about it and it feels that if he can 'prove' that Bryan's problems all are because of the 'bad home environment and not so good judgement by the mother' that Bryan doesn't really have any issues. But who knows. It is a surprising development, but for now I am considering it a 'Whatever.'
Bryan has been diagnosed with PTSD by his therapist, so it is hard to claim that I just made that up.
Zac is still not doing well. His dad 'He did very well for the first two days after the vacation and then his anxieties got worse again. This morning he refused to get out of bed, and was afraid he would get hurt at school.'
Family therapist (FT) 'Does he have any anti anxiety medication?'
His dad 'Yes, but he does not want to take it. He is scared of it.'
My sarcastic reaction (not out loud) 'Yeah, if the choices are taking anti anxiety med and going to school, or sleeping in as long as you want and then play as much computer as you want, I can see why he doesn't want to take them.'
Penny's therapist is still getting to know her, since her 'old' therapist left the practice. She says Penny is very motivated, fun to work with, and very creative. For now they are working on figuring out how long she can go without hitting and / or screaming so they have a baseline and then can set reasonable goals based on that. The therapist then would reward her for 'two days without hitting' and similar goals and slowly increase on these. It is a system which in the past has worked well for Penny. I don't think she has made one day without screaming yet.
They also have touched on all the scary things she has seen in the last few years, between Zac and dad, and Bryan's issues, and Ysa's explosions. Penny agreed there were scary things, but she does not like to talk about them. For now they are sorting things into 'easy to talk about', medium to hard to talk about' and 'really hard to talk about' and will do a little bit every session.
Baby Bear still issues with hitting her siblings. Her dad explained that it is because Penny is so bossy and aggressive and because Zac gets upset because 'The little ones are so present and noisy and they interfere with EVERYTHING!' (is that Zac talking or dad talking? :p)
Bryan's therapist is out of the office, so couldn't make it to the meeting. His dad wanted to raise an issue about Bryan though. He stated that the teacher at school didn't see what I was seeing at home, and how Bryan was just fine when they did art at the art gallery.
He gave us are two theories:
1. At home he behaves worse than at school.
2. I, as his mother, have problems judging Bryan's behavior and things really aren't that bad, and how can they fix him at school if it is all problems because of his home environment????
He also has called the school and wants to talk to the school psychologist about the discrepancy between mine and the teacher's results. The funny thing is that he himself had a questionnaire to fill out too, but did not fill out most of it, which made it impossible to rate it and use it in any of the comparisons.
I have thought about it and it feels that if he can 'prove' that Bryan's problems all are because of the 'bad home environment and not so good judgement by the mother' that Bryan doesn't really have any issues. But who knows. It is a surprising development, but for now I am considering it a 'Whatever.'
Bryan has been diagnosed with PTSD by his therapist, so it is hard to claim that I just made that up.
Quote of the Day
Penny 'Vincent is a much better daddy than daddy is!'
She has interesting insights into the situation.
She also explained to me that daddy doesn't have any furniture in his apartment, just boxes, but that is Vincent and Zac's fault since they moved in. Followed by 'Hmmm, I guess it's his own fault because he let Vincent and Zac move in.'
I just listen and go 'hmmm' at appropriate places.
She has interesting insights into the situation.
She also explained to me that daddy doesn't have any furniture in his apartment, just boxes, but that is Vincent and Zac's fault since they moved in. Followed by 'Hmmm, I guess it's his own fault because he let Vincent and Zac move in.'
I just listen and go 'hmmm' at appropriate places.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Stress and Humor
Baby Bear came back from her case manager outing and told me that they had talked about stresses. 'She says that laughing and using humor is a good way to deal with stresses.'
Cool, I like her case manager already ^^
It is definitely one of my coping strategies, and pretty effective too.
Cool, I like her case manager already ^^
It is definitely one of my coping strategies, and pretty effective too.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Ysa Update
Interesting observation: Ysa was doing much better during the school holidays (almost two weeks around xmas / new year) than she was while school is going on. Which makes me think that school indeed is a considerable source of stress for her. She makes high grades, got on the honor roll, but it seems to eat all her energy, and I am afraid she might be depressed. When she is not in school, she spends 98 % of the time in her room, reading or sleeping (or eating junkfood and leaving the plates / cups / empty chips packages in there, but that's another story)
During the vacation she seemed less withdrawn, joined in more family activities and exhibited less aggression. Now that vacation is over, we are back to her 'normal' which is aggressive, sullen, and withdrawn.
Yesterday she was hitting me again, and today when I told the therapist, she told me to call the police when Ysa hits me. I am still not particularly happy with that solution, but I can also see why she recommended it. It is assault and Ysa is at an age that she should be aware of that. It just is hard to call the police on a child. Gah. Ysa was there when the therapist told me to call the police, so I am hoping that that will be enough of a deterrent to help her make other choices, although who knows.
We set up an appointment for a meds evaluation. Everything at the moment seems to be pointing to depression. Ysa stated 'I am NOT going to take meds, you will have to FORCE THEM DOWN my throat!' Later she changed it to 'I will turn religious and taking meds will be against my religion and which religion is it again when people will not take any meds??'
During the vacation she seemed less withdrawn, joined in more family activities and exhibited less aggression. Now that vacation is over, we are back to her 'normal' which is aggressive, sullen, and withdrawn.
Yesterday she was hitting me again, and today when I told the therapist, she told me to call the police when Ysa hits me. I am still not particularly happy with that solution, but I can also see why she recommended it. It is assault and Ysa is at an age that she should be aware of that. It just is hard to call the police on a child. Gah. Ysa was there when the therapist told me to call the police, so I am hoping that that will be enough of a deterrent to help her make other choices, although who knows.
We set up an appointment for a meds evaluation. Everything at the moment seems to be pointing to depression. Ysa stated 'I am NOT going to take meds, you will have to FORCE THEM DOWN my throat!' Later she changed it to 'I will turn religious and taking meds will be against my religion and which religion is it again when people will not take any meds??'
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Case Management
Today Baby Bear and Penny both got to go out with their case manager for the first time ever. The case manager takes them out in the community and supports the skills they work on in therapy. It seems way more fun than the boring therapy, Penny went to Panera, a bakery / sandwich place, came home with happy stories about Pandora. She clearly remembers more about Greek mythology than about the names of restaurants.
Anyway, another baby step taken in support of the kids.
Anyway, another baby step taken in support of the kids.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Penny School Meeting
Catching up, one meeting at a time ^^
In December, we met to discuss the results of Penny's testing. She does not qualify for an IEP, but she could qualify for a 504 (which is a different way of accomodating her issues) based on her anxiety disorder. For now we are holding off on that, but the teacher and the school case manager are monitoring her classroom behavior.
One day she had a total freak out because of phys ed, when 'basket balls were coming at her from ALL DIRECTIONS!' The good news is that she was able to hold in her breakdown till she was in the case manager's office.
She also is displaying a lot of the 'whatif!!!??!' and perfectionistic behavior, asking 43 questions per minute to make sure she DID get what the teacher wants her to do.
There is going to be an anxiety group for fifth graders in which she will participate, which hopefully will help her by teaching her strategies and by realizing she is not the only one who has anxieties.
She could qualify for homework modification (under 504) if the homework is causing her lots of anxiety and she ends up spending 3 hours of freaking out on a assigment which reasonably should only take her 20 minutes at the most.
Summary: no educational disability, but possibly accomodations needed because of her anxiety disorder.
In December, we met to discuss the results of Penny's testing. She does not qualify for an IEP, but she could qualify for a 504 (which is a different way of accomodating her issues) based on her anxiety disorder. For now we are holding off on that, but the teacher and the school case manager are monitoring her classroom behavior.
One day she had a total freak out because of phys ed, when 'basket balls were coming at her from ALL DIRECTIONS!' The good news is that she was able to hold in her breakdown till she was in the case manager's office.
She also is displaying a lot of the 'whatif!!!??!' and perfectionistic behavior, asking 43 questions per minute to make sure she DID get what the teacher wants her to do.
There is going to be an anxiety group for fifth graders in which she will participate, which hopefully will help her by teaching her strategies and by realizing she is not the only one who has anxieties.
She could qualify for homework modification (under 504) if the homework is causing her lots of anxiety and she ends up spending 3 hours of freaking out on a assigment which reasonably should only take her 20 minutes at the most.
Summary: no educational disability, but possibly accomodations needed because of her anxiety disorder.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Today Bryan Therapy
Bryan 'When I ask for ice cream at daddy's house, he always says I can't have it because he doesn't have any money. And then he yells at me. And then Zac joins in and daddy gets madder and things get badder and I run into daddy's bedroom and lock the door. When I am in daddy's bedroom he can't yell at me as much, because he has to be quiet for the neighbors. But then I get scared of the monsters and I unlock the door again, because I am scared.'
'Daddy never says anything to Zac when he says bad things to me, Vincent always takes care of it.'
'Daddy lets me play Halo at his house, because Zac says that he should let me play it, even if mama says I should not, since daddy is the grownup and should make his own decisions.'
I don't even know how to comment, so for now just documenting.
'Daddy never says anything to Zac when he says bad things to me, Vincent always takes care of it.'
'Daddy lets me play Halo at his house, because Zac says that he should let me play it, even if mama says I should not, since daddy is the grownup and should make his own decisions.'
I don't even know how to comment, so for now just documenting.
Keeping the Therapy Center in Business
Five kids with their own therapist.
Four of these kids have case management now (Zac has had it for the last 2.5 years, Penny and Baby Bear are starting on Thursday and we are still figuring out when to start Bryan).
In addition, we have a family therapist and a psychiatrist.
I feel like I spent half my week at the center, although the case managers will actually pick up / drop off the kids at home, so that will be helpful.
Four of these kids have case management now (Zac has had it for the last 2.5 years, Penny and Baby Bear are starting on Thursday and we are still figuring out when to start Bryan).
In addition, we have a family therapist and a psychiatrist.
I feel like I spent half my week at the center, although the case managers will actually pick up / drop off the kids at home, so that will be helpful.
So Many Problems of my Own....
Last Zac school meeting, Dr Plato summarized Zac's situation by turning to Zac's father and saying 'Now that he lives with you, your support will be very important for Zac's success.' His father was taken by surprise and replied 'Well, that is a problem. I have so many problems of my own already, I don't think I can add Zac's life to that!!'
Um.. well, then you shouldn't have filed for custody, geez. I am very much realizing that this is a 'be careful what you ask for, because it will be given to you' situation for him.
I was mostly surprised that the ex did admit to his own problems in one of these meetings, usually his contributions are limited to 'Zac is doing so well!'
Um.. well, then you shouldn't have filed for custody, geez. I am very much realizing that this is a 'be careful what you ask for, because it will be given to you' situation for him.
I was mostly surprised that the ex did admit to his own problems in one of these meetings, usually his contributions are limited to 'Zac is doing so well!'
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