Session Notes III

Dr Plato 'Is there any possibility Vincent might change her behavior when you talk to him about this?'
X 'Well, maybe, I don't know. Vincent's natural reaction to people making him do something is to push back. He would perceive it as me trying to assert control over him.'
Dr Plato 'So you can't say anything because you are afraid of his reaction?'
X 'I don't know.'
Dr Plato 'You are saying that he will deny, get angry, reject your words because he thinks you are trying to control him. That surely limits what you can say to him.'

X 'Maybe somebody else has to say it to him. Because he is getting good at tuning me out. I am usually not there.'
Dr Plato 'You are there more than anybody else.'
X 'Well, between working and trying to get groceries...'
Dr Plato 'What does Vincent do when you go grocery shopping?'
X 'He is sitting on his butt playing computer. Or sleeping.'

Dr Plato 'What is holding you back from expressing your opinion? It is your fear that he is going to be upset with you.'
X 'Well, I can push him, but I cannot really help him along.'
Dr Plato 'It would be much better to acknowledge your fear. If you don't, you have zero chance of solving this problem. Your stress will increase drop by drop and one day it will explode. It could explode inwards, and you would become ill. You were very close to that last year at that end of the school year. Or it could explode outwards. You will have a shouting match with Vincent, maybe even throw him out of your house.'

'If you adopt these strategies, not acknowledging your fears, not acting because you are afraid of the consequences, you are using the same model as the kids. You are not taking on anything that might cause you stress.'